


Don't Make Me Over

by Taethor (orphan_account)



Series: Nora MacKay [1]
Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout 4
Genre: Angry Sex, Angst, BAMF Women, Child Death, Complicated Relationships, Dubious Consent, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Infidelity, Instant Attraction, Internalized Misogyny, Married Couple, Mentions of Rape, Misogyny, Nate is a MAJOR Misogynic Asshole - Beware, Nuka world dlc, Older Woman/Younger Man, Past Domestic Violence, Post-Break Up, Pre-Relationship, Psychopathology & Sociopathy, Raiders vs. Gunners, Retribution, Slavery, Slow Burn, Strong Female Characters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-12
Updated: 2018-09-25
Packaged: 2018-12-27 04:16:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 25
Words: 71,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12073341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Taethor
Summary: Nate and Nora both made it out of the Vault, but Nate wasn't the best husband before the war and he certainly isn't after the apocalypse. After months of being alone, left on her own with her guilt and anger, Nora is just on her way into the Institute to get Shaun back, when Nate returns - with Gunners.





	1. Atom Bomb Baby

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by Dionne Warwick - Don't Make Me Over

_…Atom bomb baby, little atom bomb, I want her in my wigwam. She’s just the way I want her to be, a million times hotter than TNT…_

Nora swore as she tore off her vault-suit, struggling with the tight thick fabric getting stuck around her feet. She tried to stomp and shake her feet to get out of the thing, but eventually she gave up and bent over to drag the goddamn thing off of her, which ended with her falling over on her ass with a frustrated groan.  
“Oh, mum!” she heard the all too familiar hovering noise of the tin can-butler over the annoying music playing from her Pip-Boy, “Are you hurt?”  
Nora gave an exasperated sigh and brushed off her ass as she stood up again, finally out off the suit, standing in her pre-war underwear with a frown on her face. Her underwear was one of the few things she still had that reminded her about the time _before_ the world went to hell. It was ironic, really – a bit of lace, mixed with silk and nylon, was what she had left. A bra, a pair of panties, a girdle and a waist-clincher. She washed them carefully whenever she could, and still wore them under her armor, as a reminder of sorts, of how things used to be. Of how she had needed to wear the clincher to fit in the slim-fitted dresses Nate used to enjoy seeing her in. How the girdle helped smooth out her lower abdomen after the birth of Shaun. _Shaun_ , a sob hitched in her throat and the robot butler eyed her stupidly with its three eyes. Nora shook her head and walked past him through the still littered old home that she had once shared with her husband and son. It was centuries ago, but it only still felt like yesterday for her and no matter how much she cleaned up the rest of the houses still standing in Sanctuary, only Codsworth and herself was allowed in her and Nate’s house. _A tomb_ , Deacon had hissed under his breath when Nora had pushed him out of the house when he was just about to enter it. Nora understood that her friends, or whatever you could call the strays she’d picked up through her travels in the ruins of what used to be Boston, thought her morbid at best, and completely off her head at worse – but she didn’t even care anymore. 

Codsworth followed her as she walked through the house, searching for something she really didn’t know what just then and there, she just needed _something_ to do. She was confused, at a loss, angry and sad and everything inbetween. Outside, Deacon sat smoking a stale cigarette beside the now working teleportation device that would either get her into the Institute, or scatter her entire being into the timeless, dimensionless nonexistence.  
“Mum”, she heard Codsworth’s ignorant stiff upper lip as she stepped out. Deacon looked up and his eyes widened when he saw her, but he didn’t say anything. Tinker-Tom was busy manning the teleporter and Desdemona walked around anxiously, sucking on a cigarette as well. “I know the world has ended, but we ought to strive for a little common decency”, Codsworth said in his chipper, but judging voice.  
“Fuck off”, Nora hissed and turned at the door, walking back inside to find some other clothes than her damned vault-suit. The robot huffed with indignity and stopped by the door as Nora started to dig through her many bags of clothes and armor that she had collected during her months since they woke up. 

Since _we_ woke up, she thought to herself, frowning deep into one of the bags and huffing, shaking her head. _God damn Nate_ , she was angry, felt betrayed and somehow, humiliated. They were still married, there was no instance anymore that could grant them a divorce, even though they had mutually screamed their parting to each other two months after they had gotten out of the Vault. Everything, the bombs, all those years gone, Shaun – disappeared, was too much for their marriage to take. Not forgetting the fact that Nate had gone and joined those asshole Gunners, the old soldier that he was – she figured it suited him well enough, he was always an egotistical asshole and it seemed the destruction of civilization as it were, had brought that out in him even more than before. With no more rules or laws to abide to, he could wreak whatever kind of havoc he wanted and with his strength, along with the experiments done to him during the war, she suspected few would even begin to try and stop him.  
She hadn’t seen him in months, since they decided to take different paths. She had been backed up by Deacon, Nate threatening to kill them both, before he punched Deacon in the face before stomping off, leaving never to return. 

Or so she thought. 

As she dug through her clothes, she suddenly heard gunfire and as she looked out the window of her bedroom, she saw Deacon ducking behind a bush, loading his gun. Tinker-Tom and Desdemona were nowhere to be seen. Their turrets went off and she saw them whirl around their own ax, following the intruders and pointing their barrels towards them. 

“Nora!” she heard an all too familiar voice shout, accompanied by a large bang as a .50 BMG hit the turret on the roof of her house. “Come on out, Nora. I know you’re in there”, Nate shouted and she saw him walk up the road towards their house with the large rifle in his hands. He looked so different from how he used to do. He looked… He looked like he did when he was in the army, clad in khaki’s, black military boots and armor covering his arms and legs. He had shaved the hair on his sides, leaving a patch of longer hair pulled back on the top of his skull – his gorgeous auburn hair, slicked back with what looked like motor grease.  
Behind him, a group of five walked silently – four of them men, but one woman. A woman, Nora noted, who couldn’t seem to take her eyes off of Nate – instead of like the others, looking around them for hidden snipers. Nate knew that Nora was dangerous, perhaps not as dangerous as himself, but none the less – the Wasteland had turned the former housewife into a warrior. As she sat crouched in the bedroom, she watched as Nate closed in on their house, she could see his sharp features more clearly, could almost make out his emerald green eyes beneath the back paint that covered the skin below his eyes. 

“Noooora”, he shouted in an almost sing-song way with a grin on his lips, a sly, almost shark-like grin showing off his pre-war white teeth underneath his broad and full lips. “I ain’t gonna hurt ya, baby girl. Just wanna see my wife”  
Then she saw Deacon coming out from the bush that he had been hiding in and Nate stopped, chuckling to himself as he looked the railroad agent over.  
“What do you want with Nora?” Deacon asked, holding his laser rifle tightly.  
Nate cocked his head, looking Deacon up and down and then smiled, “None of your business”  
“Coming here, demanding she come out to see _you_ , of all people, kinda makes it my business”, Deacon said, shifting his stance.  
“How’s so?” Nate asked, “You’ve been sticking it to my missus? Been thinking you’re the man in charge now have you?” Nate snorted and then his expression changed again, to an amused smile. Nora saw Deacons weariness, how he shifted, unsure and slightly intimidated. Nate had that effect on most people, even on her. Falling in love with him, wasn’t the most sound thing she had ever done in her life, but love is seldom logical and the fact that she became pregnant, locked her into place with him. A child meant marriage, and marriage, were for life, no matter the circumstances. Divorce, was frowned upon where they both came from, and so Nora behaved, supported Nate and took care of him. When she decided to stop fighting him, their lives became good, their love warmer and Nate turned into a person she could lean against when things were though, just as he leaned on her care and love for him.  
“Don’t do something you’re going to regret”, Deacon said and unlocked the safety on his rifle. Nate answered with a smirk, looking around Deacon. 

Nora decided she needed to do something, Nate would very well kill Deacon if she didn’t come out sooner rather than later and she didn’t want to risk that happening. Whatever it was that Nate wanted, the teleportation devise could wait, everything, really, could wait.  
She stood up and took a deep breath and it was first when she yet again stepped outside and met Nate’s emerald eyes, wide and with a hungry expression, that she realized she still was in just her underwear. Not that they showed much, to the general population of the commonwealth, her bra, panties, girdle and waspie was more clothes than some raiders wore. But to her, to Nate – it was still _underwear_.  
“I’m here, Nate”, she said in almost a whisper and he raised one eyebrow, looking at her with surprise, wetting his bottom lip.  
“I can see that”, he said with a predatory smile. “You look… Well”, he said and Nora heard the woman behind him snort and she could imagine the woman rolling her eyes. Somehow, it spurred Nora on – making her want to mark _her_ territory. She might be furious with Nate, but he was still _her husband_. She didn’t doubt Nate had had his way with the woman, considering how condescending she looked when her gaze flew all over Nora’s body – Nate was never good at keeping his dick into his pants. Nora however, had never strayed, not even now – when they had been apart, broken up. She had given so much of herself to Nate, it was difficult for her to give all that to someone else. She had tried, once – with MacCready, but it didn’t end well. She simply couldn’t go through with it, even though she had wanted to. She had wanted him badly, but the problem was, _he wasn’t Nate_. 

“What do you want, Nate?” she asked, crossing her arms over her chest.  
Nate casually slung his rifle over his shoulder and crossed the street over to what used to be _their_ house, and her. He stopped a few inches from her, his height and sheer bulk making her seem almost a child in comparison, especially out of her own armor. He nudged her chin up with one finger, searching her brown eyes with his own emerald hues, and smiled again, leaning down and lightly brushed his full, broad lips against hers. “You”, he said in no more than a whisper, and Nora felt her stomach drop.  
“You can’t…” she said, frowning, “You broke it off”  
“You told me to go fuck myself”, he said and trailed her ear, jaw and neck with the tip of his nose, lightly sniffing her. “ _You_ told me I should cut off my own dick and eat it”  
“It seems I do not need to remind you, then”, she said and Nate chuckled as he caught her earlobe between his teeth, before kissing the small patch of skin just below and behind her ear. Only Nate knew how much she liked that, only Nate’s lips felt right, only _Nate_ made her knees feel weak. 

Ever since she’d seen him that first time, it felt like three years ago, but in reality it was over two hundred years ago – a surreal number, for both of them – she had become weak in the knees whenever he was close. He, his wit and charm, along with his protectiveness, which later developed into possessiveness, had swept her off her feet. She should have known, should have seen it long before she did, but by the time he started to act out, they were already married and she was pregnant.  
He had stood there, in his uniform on leave and she was out dancing with two of her girlfriends. His emerald eyes had met hers and that was it, a conversation later, an offer of a dance, it was all it took and soon she found herself pressed up against a wall, in a hidden corner in the back of an empty alley with her skirt pulled up to her hips. He had called on her the next day, taken her out on a proper date this time, and that was it. A a year later, they had a child. 

Nora glanced over at the woman standing a few feet over, her lips were shut tightly and she had murder written in her eyes. _He’s definitely slept with her_ , Nora thought and smiled towards her.  
“Your girlfriend's getting jealous”, she said and Nate peaked up from her neck, without looking back, he smiled and kissed her deeply on the lips.  
“I’m married”, he said once he let go of her lips.  
Nora snorted, “Like that’s ever stopped you”  
“Fair enough”, he smiled and straightened up, sighing slightly and casting a glance behind him, away from the woman. “So, gonna tell me what that piece of junk back there’s for?”  
_No_ , Nora thought as she frowned. “Why? Just an experiment”  
As if he could read her thoughts, he frowned and took a step behind her, letting his free hand trail up her back, clutching her neck as he whispered into her ear, “Don’t lie, baby girl”  
His breath was hot against her cheek and she could feel his rifle pressing into her shoulder as he stood behind her. “It might…”, _No_ , her mind screamed, you cannot tell him. _He’ll insist, he’ll force me to-_  
“Come on, be a good girl and tell me”, he breathed into her hair and she felt his thumb rubbing her neck.  
“It might help me find Shaun”, she said silently and she could see Deacon’s face fall and he shook his head. Nate kissed her hair and she sensed him nodding.  
“I see”, he said. “Good girl”, he strode over to the teleportation device and eyed it up and down. “But I believe we’re missing some people, aren’t we?” he said without turning, his fingers ghosting over the buttons on the terminal. “You can come out, or else I’ll have my people drag you out and execute you without question”, he said in a calm voice. 

Desdemona and Tinker-Tom came out of their hiding, with their weapons drawn. Nate didn’t even look up, instead he kept looking at the terminal, biting the thumbnail of his right hand slightly, as he always did when in thought.  
“You really think _they_ have Shaun?” he asked after a moment’s silence.  
“Yes”, Nora said, trying to cover herself up with her arms.  
“From where have you gotten the info?” he murmured as he fingered a button. Tinker-Tom looked as if he wanted to leap over and push Nate away, but Desdemona held him back with a decisive arm.  
“Kellogg”, Nora said. “The man who failed to kill you”  
Nate nodded and hummed.  
“I gotta go there. Get Shaun”, Nora said and before she could even notice, Nate had moved and had his hand wrapped around her throat, pushing her up against the façade of their old home.  
“Get away from her!” Desdemona shouted, pointing her gun towards Nate, but he kept ignoring her, his eyes pinned on Nora and a snarl on his withdrawn lips. “Get. Off. Of. Her”, Desdemona demanded and without a second thought, Nate let go of Nora, pulled up a small gun from his belt and fired it towards Desdemona without looking. The bullets whistled by her head and Nora saw the woman jump, but Nate still had his eyes on Nora.  
“Tell the bitch to mind her own business”, he snarled and Nora looked at Desdemona with pleading eyes. Desdemona huffed and took a step back, holding her hands up in defeat. “We need to talk”, Nate said and grabbed Nora’s shoulder, steering her into the house. 

It was surreal seeing Nate inside the house again, so many months had passed by, and as he shut the door behind him, Nora unconsciously backed into the kitchen island still standing in the middle of the kitchen. She had fixed the place up slightly, but it was still only a shadow of what it had once been. A tomb, _her_ tomb.  
Nate stopped and looked at her, laying the rifle down on the battered couch still standing in the same place it had two hundred years ago.  
“Why are you still wearing all of… _That_ ”, he said, pointing in a circle around her body. “Can’t be very practical”  
“Vanity, I guess”, Nora shrugged and Nate gave her a sly smile as he closed the distance between them.  
“No woman in the Wasteland has a figure like yours, with or without all that nylon and lace”, he said and touched her clad waist with light fingers, trailing down over her navel, lower abdomen, until he reached in between her legs. He hooked a finger into her panties and released the stretchy fabric with a snap. “Still wearing those, too”, he smirked.  
Nora looked up at him, uncertain, but willing, slightly scared, but drawn in by the known comfort. She took a breath, and then reached up to circle his neck with her arms, crashing their lips together. His lips were soft, just slightly chapped from the dry rad-filled winds and his skin felt warm through his clothes. He pushed against her, groaning when she ground her hips against his, feeling his growing erection through his khakis. It had been months for her, and Nate was so familiar, so _right_ \- but at the same time so utterly _wrong_. But yet again, it was too late – her rationality had been pushed way aside by her aching love for the tyrant stroking her cunt through her panties as their tongues whirled around each other with a desperate ferocity.  
He moved her panties aside and stroked a finger along the slit of her folds, circling lightly around her clit before reaching back, gathering some of her slick to rub more circles, as he kissed down her throat.  
“Nate”, she moaned quietly.  
“It’s alright baby”, he murmured into her skin as he rubbed and fingered her. Her knees felt week, like they always did and her cunt sent jolts of aching pleasure through her body as he listened to Nate’s quickening breath.  
She reached down and cupped his erection from outside his khakis and he moaned, pressing harder into her hand. “I gotta have you, _now_ ”, he growled, snatching his hand away from her cunt, turning her around and pressing her down against the kitchen isle. “Stand on your toes for me, baby”, he hissed and she heard him unclasp and unbutton his pants, before ripping down her panties. She looked back and watched as he stroked himself just a few times before looking up at her with a flustered look on his hard, sharp face. Then he pressed her down again with a hand placed just between her shoulder blades, steering his hard cock in between her wet folds. Her body jolted as she clasped around his erection and she let out a small yelp and Nate grunted as he grabbed her hip with his other hand, setting a rapid pace from start.  
“Fuck”, he breathed as he pounded into her and Nora held on for dear life against the friction. “Touch yourself baby”, he groaned as their skin smacked against each other. 

Nora reached down between her thighs and started rubbing her clit, biting her lower lip as Nate fucked her in earnest, grabbing a hold of her hair and pulling it, whilst holding her down by her hip. “Come for me, baby girl”, he said through clenched teeth with a strained voice. “Come for me and I’ll put another baby in you”  
Nora moaned as she felt her orgasm building up within her, the thought of having another child, so _good_ , as if it would fix everything. As if it would fix _him_ , give _them_ another chance they wouldn’t screw up this time.  
“Come for me Nora”, he hissed and she felt herself slip over the edge and clench around his pounding dick, as her body almost convulsed from the force of her orgasm. She moaned and reached back to grab Nate by his wrist, but he took her hand and drove into her with a pace that became more and more erratic the more her body tightened as she rode out her orgasm.  
“ _Oh, fuck_ ”, Nate moaned and he bottomed out inside her and shot his seed deep within her, holding her hand and hair so tight she feared he would pull her apart. He leaned down, breathing hard and placing nipping kisses on her neck and between her shoulders, before pulling out of her. He smacked her ass playfully before tucking himself back into his pants. “I needed that”, he said when Nora straightened up and turned, leaning against the kitchen island.  
She nodded, panting, and looking up into his eyes. Nate pulled her into a hug, breathing deep into her hair, drawing circles into the small of her back. “I’ll let you go find Shaun”  
“What?” Nora withdrew from him and looked up at him with a confused frown.  
“But you’ll come back to me, you hear me?” Nate took her wrist into a hard grip, staring into her eyes. “When you get back, you come to me”  
“Y-Yes”, Nora nodded, “I’ll come to you”  
“I’ll find you, Nora”, he said and it was both a promise and a threat and she knew it all too well. “If you try to keep away from me, you know I will”  
“Yes”, she answered.  
He stroked her cheek and leaned down to kiss her again, “Get yourself dressed and cleaned up, I’ll meet you outside”  
Nora nodded and Nate turned and walked towards the door, “Nate?” she asked and he stopped, without really looking back at her. “Don’t cheat on me again”  
That made him turn around to look at her, “ _What did you say_?” he almost snarled.  
“I-I can see it in her face”, Nora looked up at him with determined eyes, “How she looks at you. You’ve fucked her”  
Nate shook his head and sighed with a frown, “Goddamn bitch”, he said in a deep, but silent tone. Nora stared at him, with more fright than determination this time. Nate pinned his eyes to her, before he simply shrugged and made a noncommittal sound. “Sure”  
“I mean it, Nate”, Nora said. “If you’ve ever even cared a little about me, don’t fucking two time me. We took vows”  
“And how well have you kept yours, _wife_?” Nate almost snarled, but kept his distance.  
“Well enough to never having to doubt who the father to my children are. How many goddamn bastards have you left in your wake? You managed to knock that whore out there up yet?” Nora snapped, making a gesture pointing outside.  
“You fucking bitch!” Nate snarled and closed the distance between them in two steps, grabbing her shoulders in a tight grip, staring down at her. Nora felt her breath hitch as she looked up at him with panicked eyes. “I fought a fucking war for you! While you dragged your feet around back home, pampered yourself with the blood money I sacrificed myself to earn! And when I come home, you-, you-“, he lost his voice and smashed his fist into the kitchen island.  
“I _what_?” Nora snarled, “Planned to _leave_? Yes! Of course I did, you cheated on me! Humiliated me when I was pregnant, struck me!”  
As always, the anger seemed to slip from his mind and he looked at her with hurt, loosening his grip on her shoulders as he almost slumped from his tall height. Shaking his head, he leaned his forehead against hers, “You’re not so fucking innocent yourself, Nora”  
Nora let out a sob, reaching up to cup her hand over his cheek, rubbing her thumb against his sharp cheekbone. “I’m sorry”, she whispered.  
Nate nodded and pressed his lips to hers, “I’m sorry, too”, he whispered. “Get Shaun back, yeah?”  
Nora nodded, before pressing her lips tight against Nate’s.


	2. Trigger

Just scratch the surface and you will find, something to blame for a long lost time   
From green to red our days pass by, waiting for a sign to tell us why   
Are we dancing all alone?   
Collect some stars to shine for you and start today 'cause there's only a few   
A sign of times my friend   
  
_In Flames - Trigger_  


 

It was unnatural, completely and utterly… Wrong, just _wrong_. It was backwards, up side down, time had distorted itself, making her three times as young as _her own son_. It wasn’t suppose to be like this, it was just as unnatural as it is for a parent to bury their child. Shaun, _Shaun_ , was old enough to be her grandfather.  
Nora had held it together during her entire stay inside the Institute, kept her expressions blank and compliant as she walked along the white, clinically white, corridors. Inside, she was screaming, tearing her own soul apart from sorrow and grief, and the bastard that her son had turned into, looking _so much_ like herself, had begun it all by fooling her, making a fool out of her. Believing a fucking synth to be her son, she had called out to him, seen herself in his features – but the boy, about ten years of age, had recoiled immediately and begun to shout for his father.  
_Nate_ , she had thought, _Why didn’t you come with me? Shaun wants you!_ But Shaun didn’t want Nate. He wanted Nate just about as much as he wanted her – not at all. Instead, an old man looking so much like her own father, stood before her. Taller than her father, but with the same eyes that she had inherited, and her mother’s nose. His grey hair had streaks of dark brown and auburn in it still, just like the well trimmed beard he wore on his chin and cheeks.  
“Fascinating, but disappointing”, the old man had said with a sigh as he looked over the boy, who Nora now understood was a synth. The old man had said the recall code and the boy’s shoulders slumped as he shut down. It was one of the most bizarre things she had witnessed in her entire life – a human, what looked like a human being, simply shutting down. “The child’s responses were not at all what I had anticipated”, the old man almost hummed, as he turned from the child, to Nora. “He’s a prototype, you understand. We’re only just now beginning to explore the effects of the extreme emotional stimuli. Please try and keep an open mind. I recognize that you are emotional, and that your journey here has been fraught with challenges”  
_The gall_ , Nora thought as she shook with anger, looking up at the man now looking even more like her long dead father. He’s even as condescending as her father used to be, frowning upon all and everything, expecting the best and only the best, but never giving anything in return, except shame and guilt.  
“Let’s start anew, I am Father. Welcome to the institute”, he smiled and made a gesture she was sure he viewed as kind and welcoming.  
“This-“, Nora gasped, looking at him with wide eyes, shaking her head, “This is completely insane! All of it!”  
“The degree of trauma you’re experiencing right now is understandable… Please, just try to relax. I know this is all hard to take in”, the old man, _Father – how suiting – and ironic_ , Nora thought laughing to herself, made calming gestures and spoke to her as if she was a child.  
“ _Relax_?” Nora snarled and took a step towards him, the old man backed slightly, holding his hands up, shielding himself.  
“I-“, he began, trying to soothe her again, “I need you to realize that this… _Situation_ , is far more complicated than you could have imagined. You have traveled very far, and suffered a great deal, to find your son”, he said and paused for a few moments, searching her face – as if looking for answers. Then he smiled and seemed to quirk up, “Well, your tenacity and dedication have been rewarded. I am… Your son” 

Nora felt nauseous. Of course, being met by someone looking so similar to herself and her parents, made her suspicious and she knew she had realized the horrifying truth before he said it. But saying it out loud, only made it so much more real – and she simply couldn’t… She _couldn’t_.  
Nora doubled over, grabbing her knees, trying to breathe herself to calm down, counting the breaths in her mind, focusing on the numbers instead of the surreal fucking mess before her. “Nate”, she hissed through her heaving. “I need… Fuck”  
“I know it’s a lot to take in”, Father said in the same calm and monotone voice he had spoken in the entire time. He leaned down and reached out to touch her, but Nora swatted him away.  
“Don’t fucking touch me!” she snarled and he recoiled. He tried to explain the situation to her, but it was as if she became deaf, blocking his voice out – blocking everything out except for the low buzzing sound of the ventilators surrounding them, providing the underground HQ with air. 

When she eventually calmed down, she let her expression sooth out, become compliant, just as she did when Nate was in one of his moods. She followed _Father_ around, nodded and looked around her, he thought she had calmed down and therefore enthusiastically told her about their different projects, pointed at fucking synth _gorillas_ , took her to the medical center – boasting the abilities and possibilities they were capable of. In the meantime, Nora still felt nauseous – she felt lost, horrified. She felt _empty_ , all that she had done – to finally find him, _Shaun_. But he wasn’t Shaun anymore. He was old, he had been raised by other people, the only similarities he shared with her and Nate, were physical. Nate’s lips, his sharp cheekbones, his height and long elegant fingers. But he didn’t speak like Nate and Nora did, he didn’t move like they did – someone else had taught him all that – someone that was neither her, nor Nate. And it was unfair, it was horrifying – surreal, and it left her empty. 

They put a tracking device in her Pip-Boy, told her that she could come and go as she liked. Nora nodded and as soon as Father had turned his back to her, she left.  
When she landed on the soft grass just south of the C.I.T. ruins with a thud, smelling the clear air once again, she sobbed, retched and then sobbed again. She let out a wail of pain, coming from deep inside her wretched heart and rolled into a small ball on the filthy lawn. 

It took her a week of walking, making her way towards the Gunners Plaza. Nate would be there and by the time she arrived, she was a wreck. She ignored the idiot guards outside, which immediately got her arrested and dragged inside in cuffs, but she remained silent. She had lost her will to fight - _Shaun_ had been her sole motivator, and now, _now_ he was… _Oh, fuck_ , Nora thought as she was being led through the ratty building by the two guards. She stumbled as she walked, phantom tears falling down her now dry cheeks, staining her soul more than anything, until the deep strong voice of her husband sounded through the room.  
“You fucking deadbeat idiots, release her”, Nate growled and strode with determined steps towards them. The guards released her and she fell with a slump to the ground. Nate punched one of the guards on his cheek with a snarl, before picking Nora up, slinging her over his shoulder.  
“Sorry sir”, one of the guards said and Nate turned and walked off. Nora just hung over his shoulder, like a ragdoll, and breathed in the smell of him. Sweat, gunpowder and motor oil. He was warm and his arm clasped her legs firmly to him as he kicked open a door and then carefully shrugged her down onto a cot. 

Nora took a deep breath, which only caught in her throat and she hitched a sob, Nate watching her with a strange expression on his face. He seemed lost for words, as he pulled his fingers through his hair, pacing back and forth.  
“So?” he asked eventually.  
“Mm?” Nora answered distantly.  
“Well, tell me”, Nate slumped down onto a chair, spreading his legs and leaning on his elbows, looking at her with intensity in his eyes. “Did they have Shaun? What happened?”  
“I can’t-“, Nora shook her head. “I fucking-, no _no_ ”, she shrieked and turned against the wall, tears flooding her cheeks again for the first time in days.  
“What the hell, Nora?” Nate rose from his chair and walked over to her, pulling her from the wall to face him. “Just fucking tell me, they didn’t have him? _Where_ is he?”  
“They had him”, Nora choked out, feeling the nausea coming over her again.  
“And you _left_ him there? The fuck’s wrong with you woman?!” Nate roared and punched the wall, and Nora sobbed.  
“He’s an old man, Nate!” Nora wailed and her voice cracked, “An _old_ man”  
“Wh-what?” Nate croaked, staring at her in disbelief, raking his hands over his face as he let it sink in. “Whaddya mean? He can’t be fucking _old_ Nora, what’s gotten into you? He’s a goddamn baby!”  
Nora sat up in the cot and stared straight at him, “He’s not a _baby_ , Nate! He’s a fully-grown, _old man_. He looks just like my fucking… Father”, she shivered and heaved, drying her eyes with her hands.  
“I-“, Nate stammered, “I-, I can’t fucking deal with this shit”, Nate snarled and threw his hands up, turning on his heal and throwing the door open as he left.  
Nora sat on the bed, tears spilling down her cheeks and looking at the crackled wooden door swing shut again, from the force of Nate’s exit. 

What the hell did she just say? Nate’s thoughts rushed through his head as he stomped out from the sleeping quarters of the large fortress that was Gunner’s Plaza. Nora had become completely mad, something broke her, he was certain.  
She was, after all only a woman and what could he expect? _He_ should have gone instead of her, of course he should have. But there weren’t much to do about that now, was it?  
What needed to be done, was find out what the hell this god damn institution really was, having kidnapped _his_ son, taking his upbringing from Nate and Nora.  
It just wasn’t fair, it wasn’t how it was supposed to be. 

A Gunner recruit ran up to Nate, touching his shoulder, perhaps trying to console him in some way, but Nate responded out of reflex, knocking the poor young man over from a hard bash in the face from Nate’s elbow. Nate only saw white, following the fallen boy back and letting loose his fists on the poor fucker, getting in the way of a man who had to come to realize he had really, _really_ lost his son.  
Warm, metallic blood spluttered up over his face, making his lips taste like pennies, but Nate couldn’t stop the adrenaline flowing in his veins as he let his fists bash in the sorry fucker’s face, flattening the entire head as the screams faded away. Screams that only spurred Nate on further in his maniacal haze of whatever the fuck this was. 

“No! Nate! Stop it!” he heard a voice somewhere far off, and he ignored it as he drove his fist into the throat of the already dead boy beneath him, before he stood up and charged his steeled boot into the limp body’s side, over and over. “Stop it, god damn it!” he felt hands grabbing him, pulling him back and with a snarl, he flew over the idiot trying to pull him from his every so distracting outlet.  
“ **What**!?” Nate hissed, but when he locked eyes with Nora, his eyes widened and the hands clasping her throat in a throttling grip loosened and he realized he was breathing heavily, blood dripping from his hands, face and hair. Crimson meeting crimson, backing up his woman against the wall as she tried to shield herself from his violent outburst.  
“Captain”, a deep male voice sounded behind him and Nate backed off, looking at the thick mustache of Wes. Nate let go of Nora’s throat and instead grabbed a hold of her wrist.  
“Captain Wes”, Nate nodded, giving the leader of the Gunners a nonchalant smirk between trying to calm his breathing.  
“What’s going on here? And who’s this?” Wes asked, nodding towards Nora.  
Nate chuckled slightly, cocking his head and pulling Nora forward from behind him. “This is my wife, sir”  
“You’re married?” Wes cocked an eyebrow, still looking as mean as he always did. Nate found it fucking hilarious, the captain looking just like a sergeant he had in the military when he was a younger man.  
“Yes, sir”, Nate nodded, looking satisfied as Nora seemed to shiver, always curling up on herself, that one, Nate thought.  
“And what about this mess, here? Care to explain?” Wes frowned.  
“What about it?” Nate smirked, “Ain’t done nothing out of the ordinary sir. Taking care of business, that’s all”  
Wes frowned deeper, but nodded. The bastard couldn’t put Nate in place any longer, as he had climbed up to be his second. Wes relied too much on Nate to reprimand him like a common recruit and Nate was so very well aware of it. Wes nodded, before turning to leave and as he strode off, Nate turned to look at Nora, who still stood shaking at his side. Nate cleared his throat and released her wrist, instead bringing his hand up to her shoulder, stroking it slowly as if calming her.  
“C’mon”, Nate said and pushed her forward, back into his room. “You gotta rest baby”  
Nora hummed without saying a word and followed his pushes back into the room and he left her there, in his cot with two blankets wrapped all around her.  
What should he do?  
What he always had done, became Nate’s answer and as he walked out for the second time, feeling a bit more calm, he shrugged off the polarized feelings within him regarding what he needed to do. He couldn’t let doubt take over him in this, whatever or whoever Shaun was now, he was no longer his son. _A grown man, looking like his god damn sucker of a father in law, to boot_ , Nate shook his head as he casually stepped over the corpse still lying on the hard floor beneath his boots as he moved towards the exit.


	3. Fortunate Son

The army had been his life, the only thing he knew – what ironically had kept him alive before the great bombs and, also the reason he and Nora ended up in those freezers in the end, down in the vault.  
He had been recruited right after High School and fought for the first time as a teenager in the Battle of Anchorage and was present there during a majority of the entire reclamation, spending almost eight years fighting that red menace. It was during one of his leaves that he had met Nora. The meeting was not romantic on his part, he needed release and she needed comfort and fate simply had them bumping into each other, both in the right place at the right time.  
Nate used to chuckle to himself when he thought about it, every teacher and his father who had said that “It only takes the one time”. Nora did become pregnant, though, but it was hardly one time during those first days they spent together before he had to go back. He came back for her during his next leave and with time, something about her stirred feelings inside him. A sort of possessiveness, like he wanted her to be his, and his alone. He had not been looking for a sweetheart, didn’t think he was able to _feel_ anything even close to love for someone who wasn’t his blood. But there it was, some kind of tingle. 

Afterwards, he went back from what was to become his last leave. She knew where he was stationed, if she wanted to write, he wouldn’t stop her, but he wouldn’t pretend to love her. The tingling sensation in him, it wasn’t love, he was certain. She didn’t write, she never did, at least not for four months thereafter and Nate’s mind was on everything else around him. The killing, the raping, the blood, guts and gore, rain fucking drenching their metal-clad bodies, making their guns rust if not kept dry and the goddamn muddy and freezing foxholes where he had to eat, jack off, shit and piss – all in the same dirt.  
Fucking a half-dead Chinese commie up the ass just wasn’t the same as having a warm, wet and inviting pussy clenching around his cock, as he quickly forced his erection into the pleading and bleeding commie, he imagined, just for a short moment, Nora’s warm wetness. Her broad ass in front of him, her round hips swaying as he grabbed her cheeks and squeezed, pressing himself deeper inside her. Her throaty moans echoing in his mind, instead of the helpless cries he actually heard out there in the mud-soaked shit of the densely wooded area where he and his scouting patrol had caught a Chinese deserter. 

_Pregnant_ , she had written. The writing was soft, characteristically female, but also shaking from nervousness when written. He got that, hell, he’d be lying if his hands didn’t tremble a little when he read it. The fucking letter was dated a month earlier and it was four months since he’d had his leave.  
_Five left_ , he sighed as he fingered the already crumbling paper, from the damp air both inside and outside of the main camp in which his squad was in, taking a breather, filling up on their supplies and getting a sort of-warm shower. 

Suddenly, without any thought of anything but the fact that it seemed he was to be a father, he heard a whistling noise. An all too familiar noise, parting the air and stealthily making its way closer and closer. Before realization hit, he felt the missile hit its target and before another second passed, he was in the air and everything was burning, heat was all around him and his head felt numb, the metallic taste of blood in his mouth, the last thing he could remember.  
Next thing he knows, he’s lying down on a cot, inside a vertibird and when he peaks out, all he can see is water, for miles and miles. He looks up and sees the pilot, beside him sits a soldier he doesn’t recognize, holding himself steady and gazing out the other large opening of the vertibird. Nate’s eyes rolls back into his head as nausea takes over him, pain tugs though his body like hellfire stabbing him all over. He’s not sure he can feel his feet or his hands, all he feels is his head pounding numbly, as if wrapped in cotton. He groans and the soldier sitting next to his cot looks down on him, before reaching down and taking his hand, gripping it tightly. He says something Nate can’t hear, the motors of the vertibird and the pounding in his head to loud. The soldier smiles, leaning down and looks straight into Nate’s eyes.  
“Hey man, you’re going home”, he almost shouts with a smile showing off the dimples in his cheeks, not completely covered by his blonde stubble, “Takin’ you straight to Boston. Home. You’re going home, man!”  
Nate doesn’t smile, Nate does nothing, before he leans over the cot and retches, before fainting again. 

 

 _Wounded in combat_ , they’d said. _Alive_ , her father had said with a smile before he came back to his usual loathing frown as he gazed down on his now visibly pregnant _unmarried_ daughter. Nora didn’t know if she was to be happy or worried or simply relived that Nate hadn’t vanished in combat as so many other young American men had.  
From the time they had gotten word that he was being flown back to Boston from Anchorage, until she sat beside his hospital bed, time had either rushed or gone extremely, painfully slow. It never just ticked on in its usual pace. Nora changed her position in the chair, not really knowing where to look. Should she keep looking at Nate? As usual, he was neat to look at – his features strong and typically American, but his auburn hair and stubbly beard told of more Irish and Scottish heritage than anything, along with a Scandinavian high forehead and sharp cheekbones.  
It wasn’t that long ago since she saw him last, war did that to whatever it was that was going on between the two of them. One could hardly call it a relationship, even though Nora was obviously infatuated – but all in all, they had only spent little more than a week together. And now here they were, her pregnant and him… well, badly bruised from internal bleeding and with several new scars and his already pale skin even more pale than usual. What was she supposed to say when he woke up? ‘Hello’? ‘Welcome home’? ‘Thanks for knocking me up, asshole’? 

As the chair creaked under her weight, Nate seemed to rouse and his emerald eyes fluttered, seemingly taking in the clinical white all around him. Nora remained quiet for a moment longer, simply watching his confusion as his mind probably raced in his foggy state, trying to determine where he was. How scarred did one become from a missile attack? From war?  
She couldn’t tell, as she didn’t really know him all that much. She had noticed some violent streaks about him, but that was expected, considering he was a soldier. She didn’t know. Unconsciously, she cleared her throat and Nate’s head whipped around and his emerald eyes met her brown ones. He stared and she stared back just as intensely, neither seeming to want to be the first one to speak. After another moment, Nora took a breath and steadied herself, resigned to take the first step.  
“Hi”, she said, leaving her expression blank, as a hand cradled her swollen belly over the grey dress she wore.  
“Nora?” Nate looked at her, perplexed and with a tinge of surprise in his deep green eyes. “I’m home?”  
“Yeah”, Nora nodded and Nate closed his eyes for a second, taking a deep breath.  
“That my kid in there?” he said after a while, looking at her stomach.  
“It is”  
“Suppose we gotta get hitched, then, yeah?”  
“Is that a proposal?” Nora couldn’t help but to show just a hint of a smile on her lips, sore and swollen from nervous biting while she waited for Nate to wake up.  
“Can’t expect me to drop to one knee like this, can you?” Nate winked towards her. “Hey, baby girl, come on closer. Gimme your hand”  
Nora stood and pushed her chair closer to his bed and Nate groaned as he got up on his elbow in the bed, reaching one of his hands towards her, ignoring the straining IV as the heat from his large hand touched her own small and soft coolness. She sat down again, leaning in closer towards him and brushing her lips softly against his. For the first time in weeks, months, she felt relief. Everything was going to be all right, it was going to be okay. 

 

Nate spent two weeks in the hospital before he was released and could come home. During that time, Nora’s parents had met with Nate’s mother, planning the upcoming wedding as well as buying a condo in a newly built suburban area of Boston called Sanctuary for the soon to be little family. Nora’s father hadn’t stopped his frowning, but at least he didn’t sulk quite as much as of late, which made Nora relax a bit more.  
It was another month before they could move into their house and since Nate’s mother lived poorly in a small one-room apartment in the city, Nate and Nora lived with Nora’s parents in the suburbs.  
He had never really met her parents, nor been to their home before and when the large Cadillac drove up to the house at the end of the long street of houses with white picket fences and flowers of all kinds of colors in their well-maintained gardens, he didn’t know quite how to react. He knew Nora came from an upper-middle class family, but he hadn’t thought much more about it before now. His body ached as he pushed himself out from the oh so comfortable seat of the Cadillac, but he could feel every limb, move his feet, legs, hands and arms – everything worked, it was just slightly bruised and tenderized. 

Nora was quickly by his side, steadying him with an arm around his back, which was helpful, but annoying as he was far from crippled. He couldn’t, however, show his annoyance in front of Nora’s parents and so he smiled towards her and let her lead him up towards the door, were one of those fancy ass robotic butlers met them. Nate eyed it suspiciously before Nora prodded him to walk inside. 

Nate knew Nora didn’t get along well with her father, but Nate rather liked the stern man. The first thing Nate was offered as he entered their grand living room was a glass of whiskey. Nate lighted a cigarette and sunk down into the comfortable leather couch and before he had a chance to even blink, Nora had placed a small ashtray beside him with a smile on her pretty mouth.  
_That mouth_ , he was going to do things with that mouth later. His cock made itself known in his pants and unashamed as he was, he spread his legs wider in the couch as Nora’s dad sat down with a groan in an armchair to his side, lighting up his own cigarette. Nora’s dad didn’t speak much, it was more grunts and groans as the heavily set fifty-ish something lurked around, keeping an eye on things whilst the women ran around, serving and preparing dinner, beddings and such _womanly_ things, whatever they were. When Nora came in with some snacks, Nate gave her a wink and he could see how she blushed slightly. Adorable, sure, but annoying somehow as well. He couldn’t quite make up his mind as to how he felt about all this. Sure, she was pretty and had somewhat of a head on her shoulders, not that it would matter as she would spend her days at home, cleaning and taking care of their family. As long as she sucked his dick and spread her legs after finishing the dishes in the evening, Nate supposed he could be content with this whole situation.  
But he needed a job.  
His days as a soldier was over, he didn’t want to go back, even if they asked him, begged him. He had done his service for his country, slaving in the trenches for almost a decade, being shot, stabbed and everything else inbetween. He shuddered at the thought of some of those things as he flicked the cigarette, the ashes falling down into the ashtray. 

“You love my daughter?” the deep, strained voice of Nora’s father sounded and Nate sucked deeply on his cigarette before blowing the smoke out and looking up at the older man.  
“Yes, sir”, he answered shortly.  
“Can’t pretend you’ll make an honest woman out of her, but”, the old man sighed, huffing and moving slightly in his armchair, “Be a good husband to her. The girl needs a firm hand”  
“Of course, sir”, Nate nodded and the old man looked at him with a hint of relaxation in his eyes, his face seemed to relax slightly. The man only grunted, before Nora’s mother entered the living room, declaring the dinner was ready. 

 

Her room felt strange with Nate in it. The girlish pink looked absurd around his auburn hair as he slowly and quietly looked around, walking slowly and poking at her things, lifting lids of boxes, touching the backs of books and chuckling slightly every now and again. Nora sat on the bed simply watching him, feeling self-conscious about the childishness of her room, where she had grown up and still lived. Not that she was particularly old, but still. Nate was to be her husband, he was the father of the child she carried inside her and this whole situation felt strange. His large, muscled but still slender frame inside this room that was supposed to be oh so very innocent. His shirt was tucked up to his elbows and his black slacks rested just above his slim hips, held up by a simple belt. He looked handsome, cleaned up since he arrived back. His hair had been cut and slicked back, making his cheekbones and sharp chin stand out even more.  
Nora straightened out her dress, _nervous fidgeting_ she thought and frowned. She’d never had a boy in her room before, well, not someone who wasn’t family or a friend when she grew up – and that made it all the more surreal. That her parents even allowed Nate to sleep in her room, had surprised her. But she supposed the damage was already done, after all. It’s not like she could become even more pregnant than she already was. 

Then Nate turned and looked at her with a smirk on his lips and Nora almost blushed even further as their eyes met. He closed in on her, touching her chin and rubbing his thumb over her lower lip and she looked up at him. When she sat down like this, he seemed almost a giant as he already towered over her when they both stood up. He fingered her curled hair lightly, before beginning to remove the bobby pins holding it up and letting her dark curls fall down over her shoulders, one after the other. Nora smiled slightly and Nate chuckled, bringing one of her hands up to his crotch, pressing her fingers against what was an obvious erection. Nora bit her lower lip and stroked his hard cock from outside his pants.  
“Keep your legs together, Nora baby, but open your mouth”, Nate whispered and Nora obeyed. “Good girl”, he smiled as he unclasped his belt and opened the button of his slacks. “Now, you’ll be quiet, do you understand, sweetheart?”  
Nora nodded as he brought his cock out from his underwear and jerked it a couple of times, before her grabbed a hold of the back of her neck and pushed her towards his erection. She opened her mouth more to accommodate him and he easily pressed himself past her lightly wetted lips.  
“Good, Nora, bob your head now baby”, Nate whispered with a moan as Nora started to move her lips back and forth over his erection, swirling her tongue around the tip of his cock as she knew he enjoyed. Nate gave off small huffs and snarls of pleasure as she hollowed her cheeks around his cock, jerking it with her lips, her hands stroking his thighs as his hands pulled her hair as she sucked.  
“Such a good, good girl”, Nate mused silently, bucking his hips towards her face, making Nora choke and pull back. But as soon as she tried to pull away from his cock, he slapped her over her face and pressed her face down over his cock again, her nose pressing against his pubes and tears now streaming down her cheeks. “Gotta work on that reflex of yours”, Nate said and stroked her head, before he released her head and she almost fell backwards away from his cock.  
Nora’s breathing was heavy as she looked up again, stroking her cheeks and under her eyes to remove the tears streaking her face with traces of mascara and eyeliner. Nate smirked and looked at her with heat in his eyes as he jerked his cock, standing in front of her. He kicked at her legs as he gave her a stern but knowing look, “Don’t fucking spread your legs”, he hissed before grabbing her hair again, “Now, baby, suck my balls before you make me come in that pretty little mouth of yours”  
Nora leaned in and opened her mouth, bringing one of his balls into her mouth, licking it, as Nate pressed her hard against him. She could feel him jerking his cock just beside her face and his breath sped up as she licked and her hands grasped his thighs tightly, her nails probably digging into his skin. He didn’t seem to mind though, and when she had sucked on both his balls, he pulled her away yet again and pushed his cock into her mouth, fucking her in her mouth. Nora tried to keep her breathing controlled, only breathing through her nose and when she started to feel the telltale erratic movements of Nate being close to his orgasm, she tried to withdraw, but Nate held her in place with an iron-grip in the back of her neck and when he came, he pinched her nose so she couldn’t breath. His streaks of come shooting inside her mouth, making it impossible for her not to gag. Nate chuckled slightly as he moaned and pushed inside her one last time, before releasing her altogether.  
When he had pulled his cock out, he stood there, looking at her with what could almost be a kind smile, wiping away her escaped tears with his thumb. Nora swallowed, once, twice – coughed and swallowed a last time, before all the warm, sticky and salty semen had disappeared down her throat. “Fuck, I’ve missed you”, Nate smiled, more shark-like this time, while tucking his cock down into his underwear. “Now, baby girl, spread your legs”  
“Why?” Nora looked up at him with confusion.  
“I can force them apart, if you don’t comply”, Nate’s emerald eyes turned a shade darker and Nora scooted further up on their bed, hesitantly spreading her legs before him.  
Nate leaned down over her, stroking her thighs with his large, warm hands and bringing her skirt up into a puddle around her round belly. Then he carefully felt her panties and Nora now realized why, she was soaked and he wanted to know how much servicing him excited her. “Wet like a whore”, he whispered into her ear as he pushed a finger beside her panties and inside her swollen slit. “All worked up and oh so needy, ain’t ya?” he smirked and Nora gasped as he bent his finger inside her. Then he quickly withdrew it, bringing it to his face and licked it. “Go clean up, it’s time to sleep” 

Nora was stunned, what the hell?


	4. We're Just a Picture

“You told me you wouldn’t go back!” Nora shouted holding the screaming and crying baby in her arms, clad in a spoiled housecoat, her hair a mess and her face pale from lack of make up and sunlight.  
“It’s not like I have a fucking choice, is there?” Nate sighed as he lit a cigarette, leaning against the kitchen isle in the middle of their open-planned kitchen and living room. “Do you want me to get court-martialed?”  
“I can’t fucking believe this!” Nora threw her arm up and the baby shrieked even louder.  
“Get that kid under control!” Nate hissed, pointing his fingers and cigarette at Nora and their baby, “Don’t want the neighbors thinking you’re a poor mother, do ya?”  
“Oh fuck you”, Nora seethed between her teeth and turned, stomping out of the living room, leaving Nate alone with his smoke and the blabbering TV in the background. 

It wasn’t like Nate wanted to be drafted into the army again. Before Ally was born, he had sworn – mostly to himself, but also to Nora, that he wouldn’t – even if they came begging for him to go back. But alas, reality wasn’t as kind and it seemed he was needed on the front in Alaska once more. 

Nate crushed the butt of the cigarette in the ashtray and walked towards the door, grabbing his jacket and walking out the door. As he walked outside in the lit up darkness surrounding their house, he could still hear Ally’s screams from inside their house. When he opened their car and sat down with a sigh, pushing the key into the ignition, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Away. He _needed_ to get away. Fuck leaving and getting killed, he pushed that thought away for now and turned the key, shifting gear and letting the car slowly roll out of the carport, down onto the curved road and then shifted again, enjoying the deep murmur of the heavy engine as he pushed the gas and rolled away, away from domestic disputes, screaming daughters and wives - _away_. 

He stopped his car just a block away from the Bull and Finch pub, turning the ignition down and staying in his car for a moment, silence, all except for the movements outside, all around him. The dark was comforting and small droplets of rain smattered against the glass in his grand Detroit-built metallic box. What was he doing? He was supposed to be content, be glad he lives the kind of life he does. After getting hurt in the missile attack, in only a few months, he had become a father, had a beautiful wife, owned a newly built condo in a fancy schmansy suburb, had a job he didn’t dislike all that much. But he was still all too young, had he been ten years older, he hadn’t been drafted again.  
He punched the steering wheel, swearing to himself, as he looked up the tall apartment building he had parked outside. Should he?  
…No.  
Would he?  
Yes. 

A knock, two knocks – and then the door opened into a soft warm light and the usual smell of sweet flowers and hot spices. She smiled her pristine smile to him from those painted, full lips and her blonde short hair curled just above her shoulders making her look just perfectly glamorous. Nate smiled back, mischief in his eyes as she stepped back to let him in and he took the two short steps inside the apartment. 

Heaven was surely between two thick thighs, warm wetness clenching down on him as he could distance himself from everything ticking inside his head, ready to burst. As long as they didn’t want to talk all that much and kept the fucking screaming down, Nate was good. He was all good and gay, the happy go lucky kind of guy every gal wishes to have.  
When he rolled off of her, she sighed as he reached for his cigarettes, detaching himself from the woman he had just spilled himself inside. That’s all it was, an outlet, a distraction – someone he didn’t have to pretend all that much with. Not that she understood, the whore, she only pretended so he would gift her more things and give her more of his attention. But at least _he_ didn’t have to pretend. He did enough pretending at home, trying to keep Nora happy and content and not screaming all the time. She didn’t really take well to being beaten all too much, which frustrated him – if she would only obey. She had nagged him for weeks after he gave her a black eye just before Thanksgiving. They had to pretend to have the flu only to get out of having dinner at her parents house. Nate couldn’t care less if her goddamn parents saw the result of her talking back to him, instead, it was Nora that was ashamed and rightly so – if she had behaved like a wife’s supposed to, he wouldn’t have to even use his fists on her. It’s not like he enjoyed ruining her pretty face. 

“So, what brings you to me this fine evening, handsome?” the whore asked with a content smile and leaned over on her elbow, dragging her fingers through the hair on his chest.  
Nate stretched out and blew out smoke from between his lips, “Ain’t no reason”, he rasped out, grabbing her hand and removing it from his chest.  
“Oh, prickly tonight, are we?” she giggled and poked his side quickly.  
“Just shut the fuck up, Janine”, Nate snarled and sucked on his cigarette.  
“Whatever”, she sneered and turned her back to him. “It’s not like you ever stay past morning anyway”  
“You know the deal”, Nate said calmly, not turning to look at her. He never really looked at Janine, she was more like a doll to him – a thing, a thing for him to push his dick in and out of when he felt like it. As apposed to Nora, Janine’s legs were always widely spread for him, any time, any day. Whores are like that, Nate chuckled to himself as he watched the smoke rise from his cigarette into swirling patterns above him. Convenient. 

He stayed with Janine until the early morning, then he snuck out, his jacket over his shoulder and his tie loosely hanging from his neck. His hair was a mess of auburn needing a cut, but he kind of liked it when it became just a tad too long, made him look fuller and less strict. He’d never really liked looking too strict, he was a working class man, after all, a soldier to the bone and even though he easily adapted to Nora’s white-collar background, he couldn’t forget what had forged him, made him who he now was.  
When he rolled up on the driveway to the condo, he noticed that Nora’s parents car was there and he felt a chill go through him. What the hell? The lights were on in the living room and Nate was beginning to get a really bad feeling rising inside him. As he opened the door of his car and stepped out, grabbing his jacket on the way, he looked around, stayed still and listened for a moment to see if he could hear talking. It was all silent and he frowned, opening the kitchen door and stepping inside.  
Only to find Nora sitting with her mother in the couch, crying and shaking and her mother’s eyes meeting him with a hatred in them he had never seen before in the otherwise docile lady. Nora’s father sat in the armchair by the holotape player, looking like he was sleeping, but a cigarette still burned between his sausage-like thick fingers. The old man jumped awake as soon as Nora lifted her head and shrieked out, the most heart wrenching sound Nate had ever heard from her.  
“Where the _fuck_ have you been?” Nora screamed and flew up from the couch, sprinting against him, her fists bouncing off of his chest as she punched him again and again, screaming like a mad woman. “You fucking pig, you fucking unfaithful dog! Out whoring, not giving one shit as to what happens to us! You _fuckin_ -“  
Nate grabbed her wrists in a iron-grip and held her in front of him, searching her puffy red face, her lips and teeth seething as she hissed and spit like a feral cat. “What the hell’s the matter?”  
“How fucking dare you! Let go of me, _let go_!” She screamed, but Nate pulled her in to his chest, pressing her against him as she beat on him, sobbed and cried out.  
“Someone fucking tell me what’s the matter!” Nate growled as he stared back and forth between Nora’s parents.  
“Ally’s dead”, Nora’s father said in his usual almost stoic grumbling deep voice and as he said it, Nora fell apart, she crumbled in his arms and he had to catch her, holding her up against him.  
“Wh…What?” Nate stuttered, trying to concentrate his eyes on _something_ , but everything started swimming, spinning and he felt fucking nauseous.  
“She’s fucking dead”, Nora screamed, heartbroken and torn in his arms. “She just fell asleep and didn’t wake up and I tried…I fucking tried”, Nora cried. 

Nate had to let Nora go with one of his arms, to steady himself on the kitchen isle. This couldn’t be happening. _This couldn’t be happening_. 

 

Nora waved Nate off a month later. She watched him walk on to the vertibird in his khakis with his military bag thrown over his shoulder and she felt nothing. She had been empty of a month, every since she found Ally’s lifeless body in the nursing room. She couldn’t help but to feel a relief when she watched Nate leave, even though she had no idea how to cope on her own. They had been three and then two and now, it was only her left, left on her own in a too large condo, without any sort of company or something to really _do_. But what she wouldn’t miss, was Nate’s late nights, his stupid excuses and his manhandling. She didn’t need that shit, she knew she deserved better, but it was difficult, even thinking about it. Divorce, to say that it was frowned upon, as the understatement of the year. But she wasn’t sure she would be able to survive him coming back again, trying again to live a life that made her miserable. 

A burning inside her, anger, frustration and humiliation ignited as the vertibird lifted. Nate hadn’t looked back on her once and as the aircraft lifted, she saw his profile, but he didn’t look back down on her, didn’t even turn his head a little. All she saw was his straight nose and sharp chin, he held his helmet in his hands and his hair fell down over his forehead in slick strands. Goddamned man, Nora thought and turned on her heels, walking towards the exiting building on the airfield. Her heels sounded harshly on the asphalt under her as she walked – no more, _no more_ , Nora thought as she walked away. 

Mostly, it was a matter of money – it was inconvenient, but she had to stay a bit longer. The money she got from Nate’s service in the army was good, but not good enough. She needed to stash money away, pretending to buy herself clothes and such, cheaping out on the more expensive things when it came to food and other products. That way her savings would grow faster and she could leave faster.  
After four months, Nate came home on his first leave and she pretended that all was well. They both felt sorrow for the loss of Ally, but there was nothing more that they could do. They had to continue with their shared life and Nora didn’t want him suspecting anything and therefore, she played along like the good wife she was. Nate spent the entire time at home and one night, he even cooked for them both. He did cook at times, when he felt like it and he was rather good at certain dishes, a Swedish stew his mother had made for him when he was a kid – Kalops, he called it. It was a meaty brown stew with beef, allspice, carrots and onions, served with canned beetroots and potatoes. Nora had been skeptical the first time he made it, it had a strange but comforting taste to it and soon, she learned to really like the stew. It took hours to boil it and it was more or less an entire day dedicated to cooking, when Nate for once did it. Nora would do an apple pie with cinnamon and raisins for desert whenever Nate had made Kalops, they just went together on the all out Scandinavian theme of his cooking. 

It was, all in all, a couple of good days and they slept together for the first time since Ally’s passing, for once softly and tenderly. Nate was still his usual nonchalant self most of the time, but it seemed the death of their daughter had given him a scrubbing, so to say. He didn’t disappear during the evenings and come back early in the morning since _that_ night and Nora almost started to doubt her plans of leaving, thinking he might be changing for the better. She didn’t want to cause even more of a scandal than she had already done, what with becoming pregnant before their marriage and having a shotgun wedding. 

Nate went back when his leave was drawing on its end and things went back to normal for Nora, as she continued to sneak away money and saving, just in case. Even though his leave had been good for them both and she was beginning to have her doubts, she never again wanted to find herself in the situation she had been before – dependent on a violent and narcissistic man only to get by. To have some money tucked away, separate from their joint account, would be necessary. If anything, it would be a comfort to her, knowing it’s there if she’d ever need it. 

Time passed and the war in Anchorage went on and soon, it was 2076. A month and a half after Nate had returned for good from the war, a second time, Nora was packing her bags in anger as Nate stood shouting behind her, mad with rage after having found the money she had hidden. He had beaten her up, tossed her around and threatened to divorce her simply out of spite. When he had mentioned divorce, Nora had answered in kind and told him that she’d gladly divorce him and be rid of this sham they called a marriage. She no longer cared that she’d be without the money she had tucked away, month after month, day after day for over a year. She no longer cared, Nate could shove his own foot up his ass along with his goddamned money, she didn’t care anymore. She wanted _out_.  
Unfortunately, she found out she was pregnant yet again, just a week later and had to crawl back with her tail between her legs, as her parents refused to help her. To them, it had been enough that she wanted to divorce Nate – a pregnant divorcee just didn’t do. It was her own father who drove her back to Nate and dropped her off there, like something he’d found in the lost and found-section of an old school. 

Nate hadn’t exactly taken her back with open arms, he was still furious with her, but accepted the fact that she was yet again pregnant and, for the sake of the child, he agreed to try again.  
It wasn’t easy, any of it, and Nora felt just as locked up and caught as she had before, but the difference now, was that she wasn’t alone in her pregnancy, Nate was home most of the time. He had gone back to his job that he’d had the months before he got drafted again and he worked normal hours. Nora spent her days as most housewives spend their days. She read, took care of the house, cooked and had coffee with the neighboring women and their children.  
They all swooned over Nate and it was more often than not she was asked to host their meetings at her and Nate’s house, during the late afternoons when they knew he would come back home. To the outside, Nate was the perfect husband – strappingly handsome with his tall and slim, but still muscled figure. His features were highly sought after, especially after a boom of Swedish and Norwegian actors had more or less invaded Hollywood, along with a Scottish-American daytime series featuring a main character looking scarily much like her husband.  
At first, Nora didn’t know what to think – she had never really been one to show Nate off, having him as some kind of pride of hers, especially not considering the way he mostly behaved. If the neighboring women swooning over him only knew what he was like, they would have taken off and kept as far away from him as possible, Nora thought as one of the blonde wives smiled and winked towards Nate who had just walked in through the door, hanging off his coat.  
“Jesus Christ, you are so lucky, Nora!” they could giggle and Nora smiled prettily as Nate raised an eyebrow towards her, before greeting the ladies and giving Nora a light kiss, before he disappeared to their bedroom for a rest before dinner. 

Over the months, her belly grew once again, became rounder and heavier than it had been the first time. Nate was convinced it was because it was a son this time – Nora wasn’t as convinced, but she supposed she wouldn’t mind having a son. Even though Ally wasn’t alive, they still had a daughter who was now getting a sibling.  
A good thing about being pregnant, was Nate treating her slightly better. At times, he was even loving in a strange kind of way, a way she never really experienced with him before and they would enjoy quiet nights alone, eating well and making love during the nights. He was less stressed now than when he was in the military – though he still woke up screaming some nights, not wanting to talk and simply leaving her. He said he’d go for a drive or a walk to clear his mind – Nora simply ignored it. She didn’t want to know what he did, if he even did anything. She knew from before, that he had had mistresses and it wouldn’t surprise her if he had paid whores as well. It was a fact she tried not to linger on, as it made her feel empty and worthless.  
She had realized a long time ago, that she just wasn’t enough for him – but he was all too possessive to simply let her go. She sometimes questioned if he would really have granted her a divorce? She wasn’t sure he would have. 

A man like Nate was not only dangerous, but he held grudges – not very much unlike herself. But they worked in different ways, the two of them and with time – especially now that he had been home for some time, she had learned how to make their weekdays go smoother and she was already preparing for how things were going to change yet again when the baby came.  
_Shaun or Shannon_ , Nate had said, even though he was absolutely certain it would be a Shaun. 

And he was right, it was a Shaun that Nora gave birth to on the 24th of April 2077. A healthy baby boy with a thatch of auburn hair on his head and dark round eyes and a small, sloped nose just like her own. Her mother snapped a photo of Nate holding Shaun just minutes after she’d given birth to him, he had just been cleaned up and Nate was holding the little purple-ish thing in his large, pale and scarred arms, looking down into his eyes and smiling. One of the few purely honest smiles Nate gave, he gave to his children. Their hair had the same crimson tone and Nate’s slicked back hair was hanging down over his forehead as he smiled down on his son, reaching with a large, slim finger for the boy to grasp – and Shaun did, and that’s when Nora’s mother snapped the shot. 

Nora remembered Nate sitting down beside her on her bed, still with Shaun in his arms and his emerald eyes shone brightly as he leaned down to kiss her deeply, thanking her for giving him the greatest gift in the world, for the second time. In that moment, Nora had been truly happy, her body filled with med-x and her two favorite men close to her.


	5. Swing Low

All day long I think of things but nothing seems to satisfy  
Think I’ll lose my mind if I don’t find something to pacify  
**Black Sabbath – Paranoid**

“Nate!”  
The adrenaline-fueled shaking had subsided and he looked down on his hand, steady as ever, as he pushed the large doors open, letting the cool Bostonian air whiff in his face from the autumn winds blowing outside.  
Out there, it was calm. The damp darkness reminded him of some days in Alaska, when they crawled through the high grass growing on the fields. The pack heavy on his shoulders as he dragged himself as soundless as possible forward through the mud, using his rifle as a pick to pull his body further and further. The sweat, mud and dirt covering him, camouflaging him from the yellow bastards hunting him just as he hunted them.  
It was still daytime, just around midday – but there was a darkness out there, amongst all the radioactive greenery. The flora going wild after hundreds of years of radioactive mutation, creating thick, cold but still damp forests and high growing fields where there used to be maintained gardens, roads and houses. Only Gunner’s Plaza still stood, the building that had once housed the broadcasting network Galaxy News but had belonged to the military mercenary group the Gunners for at least a century. Or at least that is what captain Wes told Nate.

“Hey, Nate! Stop!” a female voice shouted from behind him as he walked down the steps from the main entrance, securing the Colt. 45 at his hip and checking for enough 50 BMG, .45 and .357 ammunition on the belt that was strapped over his chest. “Slow down, Nate! What’s the matter, huh?”  
Nate stopped with an annoyed sigh and without turning around. He knew exactly who _that_ voice belonged to, and he just couldn’t deal with that shit right now. He turned his head and looked back over his shoulder, without really looking at the ratty woman behind him, panting from having trailed after him.  
“What is it, corporal?” Nate said calmly in his deep, throaty voice. 

The woman, called Gaby, walked up the last few steps towards him and stroked her hand along his arm, smiling her usual closed smile – afraid to show off her yellowed and half-rotten teeth. She was a good looking woman, sure, if you compared it to the usual state of women in this god-awful post-apocalyptic future that he’d found himself in. But she had nothing on Nora, nobody did anymore. Gaby’s fingers were calloused and bony, her skin looked slightly unhealthy and her skinny body was bony and underfed, a clear sign she had starved more during her life than she’d ever been full and content.  
“What? You don’t like me no more?” Gaby said and looked up at Nate with her large grey eyes. Her brown hair needed a wash and was tousled, she looked tired – but hadn’t she always? Everyone looked tired now and if they weren’t hungry, they were freezing or so pumped up on rads they spent their days heaving over a bucket, trying their best not to burn up from the inside. “You haven’t been to see me and now you’re… Leaving. Without me”  
“Yeah, so?” Nate smirked, not trying to hide the disgust showing on his face.  
“Well, yeah”, she said, frowning, her fingers digging into Nate’s arm as she looked up at him with questioning eyes.  
“What’s your point?” Nate sighed, shifting his pose trying to at least push back his annoyance somewhat.  
Gaby’s eyes widened as she looked at him, searching his face. “Fuck, you’re cold”, she said and pulled back from him. “You said you were finished with her”  
Nate was quiet as he kept looking at her, letting his emerald green eyes pierce her as she almost fidgeted before him. _Your girlfriend’s getting jealous_ , Nora had said when he came back to Sanctuary. He’d liked that, it made him hard thinking about Nora noticing and putting another woman in her place, claiming what’s hers. Thinking about it now, almost made him smile a little, the thought of Nora, gorgeous as she was in her kept underwear that shaped her already beautifully curvaceous body in the most perfect way, showing it off and making Gaby jealous. Of course she would be jealous, Nate chuckled to himself.  
That made Gaby let out a wine, close to a sob as Nate’s chest rumbled and he cocked his head, watching her.  
“Say something!” she almost shouted, pushing his chest once and Nate smiled even broader, still just watching her. “You goddamned bastard! I fucking love you!” Gaby screamed, punching him. 

Without warning, whilst she almost seemed to start sobbing, he quickly backhanded her so hard she was pushed back, almost falling off her feet and she grabbed her cheek, covering it with her hand as she looked up at him, gasping. “The fuck you do that for? What the fuck did I do?” she cried and Nate took another step closer to her and grabbed her filthy hair in his fist, pulling her up as he leaned down close to her face.  
He searched her features and her eyes, and he could see her confusion. Was he going to kiss her? She was waiting for him to do something.  
Nate tightened the grip on her hair and let out a breathy smile.  
“Goddamned”, he almost moaned, smelling her. “Your fear smells like shit. Don’t fucking approach me again, you filthy whore”  
Gaby sobbed quietly as he pierced her eyes with his own, before letting her hair go and tossing her away. She crumpled beneath him, into a weak fucking helpless pile of flesh and mostly bone and Nate cleared his throat before he brought up is Colt, spinning the magazine and pointing the barrel straight at Gaby as he smiled down predatory on her. He could see her bottom lip shake as she looked straight up at the barrel and then at him. He leaned his finger on the trigger, “Click”, he said in an almost falsetto as he unhooked the safety, pressing down on the trigger. The gun went ‘click’ and he could see Gaby almost shitting herself as she relaxed, hearing the clicking noise. “Your lucky day it seems”, Nate pulled the safety back on. “Russian roulette used to be one of my favorite pass-times with the POV’s during the war, still gives me a hard-on”, he chuckled. Gaby just looked up at him, looking like a ragged little scared rabbit, trying to decide whether to flee or fight. He withdrew his upper lip from his teeth and gestured with his revolver, “Go on now, little rabbit – run away” and Gaby crawled to her feet again, half running from him.  
“You’re fucking sick”, she seethed shakily as she moved fast away.  
“You bet”, Nate smiled as he brought the revolver down into its holster again and started walking. 

 

How long had Nate been gone?  
How long had she slept?  
Nora didn’t know, but she woke up sore in a cocoon of blankets, dizzy and sleep-addled. She remembered Nate leaving, but she didn’t know when or how long ago it was. She couldn’t even try to estimate it through her growling stomach, as she hadn’t eaten in over 24 hours before she reached the Plaza. 

She rose slowly from the bed, noticing she was clad in only a long t-shirt, probably Nate’s, she thought as she smelled it and the distinct smell of diesel, sweat and cigarettes met her. Her muddy jeans lay strewn on the side of the cot, along with her underwear and boots, but in the corner of the small room, she saw a stack of clothes, so she carefully walked over and went through them.  
Only men’s clothing, it seemed and Nora sighed. Why had he just up and left her here? She had no idea what to do, suddenly surrounded by mercs who had shot at her every chance they got, before.  
She looked around the small room and noticed that Nate had left her a gun, as well as a sharp-looking combat knife. But where was her Pip-Boy?  
She rooted through her things, turned books and all kinds of other junk around, trying to find it – but it was gone. Could someone have gone in and taken it? Had _Nate_ taken it?  
Why would he need to? He had a Pip-Boy himself, he didn’t need two.  
Or wait, Nora thought as a cold feeling spread up her spine. He was going to… No, no, no. Stupid, stupid man! 

Nora hurriedly pulled on her murky jeans, ignoring her underwear all together, only threw them into her bag along with a few more of the men’s clothing, some cans of food Nate had stored in a broken shelve and a handful of caps that was on the nightstand beside the cot.  
She quickly laced up her boots and tucked down the knife in one boot, when the door suddenly opened.  
“Where do you think you’re going?” A brown-haired woman with a plain look on her face stood in the door, looking at Nora with a disgusted frown on her face. She looked familiar, but right now, Nora didn’t care. She needed to find Nate, needed to get into the Institute once again, before Nate figured out how to relay himself in there. 

Nora ignored the woman and finished with her boots, but as she stood up, the woman almost flew towards her and pushed her back down. She started punching Nora, pulling her hair and scratching her and Nora, so taken aback with what just started out of nothing, only tried to shield herself from the raging woman by holding her arms up against her face.  
Her whole body was still aching and as filthy nails scratched and dug into her skin, she tried to push the woman away, but it was all for nothing. Nora was too small and the woman too tall and muscular, too shielded by the armor she wore – and Nora wore no armor at all, only a too large t-shirt and a pair of dirty, trashed jeans.  
“Fucking bitch! Why couldn’t you just be dead”, the woman snarled as she straddled Nora on the cot, clawing at her face and pulling her hair.  
“Get _OFF_ ”, Nora tried to scream, but in the turmoil, her voice was lost and all she could possibly do, was try to crawl into as small a ball as possible, shielding herself. 

“Colonel! What the hell is going on?” a male voice she didn’t recognize sounded through the small room and finally, the mad woman stopped beating on her and stilled, still straddling Nora and as Nora looked up, an African-American male stood with his arms crossed over his chest.  
The mad woman carefully slid off of Nora and rose to stand at attention, not saying a word, but sneered towards Nora nonetheless.  
“Well?” the man said.  
“It’s nothing, colonel Cypress”, the woman answered.  
“Is that so?” he said and looked at Nora, “It looked to me as if you were attacking the second captain’s wife”  
The mad woman only huffed, casting Nora a disgusted glance, before she tousled her hair between her fingers and looked back at the man, colonel Cypress.  
“Do you have anything to add, Mrs. MacKay?” Cypress asked Nora as she sat up and brushed back her hair, feeling her face for bleeding.  
“She attacked me, _unprovoked_ ”, Nora said and took a deep breath.  
“Now why would out fine colonel do that?” Cypress narrowed his eyes, looking at his fellow colonel standing sourly beside him. “I’ll have to report this, Gaby”, he said and the mad woman, who apparently was named ‘Gaby’ turned her head and stared once again at Nora with a mean look in her eyes.  
That’s when Nora remembered why she had thought the woman familiar, she had been with the group of Gunner’s that Nate brought to Sanctuary a week earlier. The woman she was certain he had fucked – and now, well, there weren’t much doubt left of that, seeing how she attacked Nora the first chance she got.  
“Wait”, Nora said, looking at Cypress and then at Gaby. Cypress looked suspiciously on Nora, “You don’t have to report her. I’m not staying”  
Cypress laughed and Gaby rolled her eyes, “Sweetheart, listen”, he said, “Had you been any other pussy, I wouldn’t have given a fuck – but if I don’t report the handiwork of this here fine woman, my head’s the one that rolls. Your husband, my captain, is gonna see them claw marks on your fine face and he’ll be all questions and word spreads fast around here”  
“I don’t have a choice whether or not I want to report her?” Nora asked, frowning, which made Cypress laugh even more, even Gaby’s lips tiled upward slightly as she sighed deeply in frustration.  
“Why would you want to? It’s either report her or kill her”, Cypress smiled and looked at Gaby.  
“Jesus Christ”, Nora rubbed her temples and leaned forward over her knees on the cot. “Alright, alright”, she shook her head. “Listen, I’m getting out of here. But, Gaby, was it? I’m sorry for what Nate did to you. I’ve known him a long time and know what he’s capable of. I’ve learned that the hard way…So, just be careful, okay? I get that your hurting or whatever, but…Just stay away from him, yeah?”  
“You bitch”, Gaby sneered. “Who the fuck gives you the right to tell me what to do?”  
“I’m only trying to protect you, you don’t know him-“ Nora tried to speak, but was cut off again by Gaby who started shouting.  
“You know he told me about you, what you _did_ , and what fucking mother are you anyway, _killing your own child_ ”, Gaby spat. 

Nora couldn’t believe her ears.  
What did she say?  
Had Nate? _No_ , he didn’t blame her for Ally’s death. 

Nora rose suddenly, took her pack and marched out of the door without a word and quickly headed towards the exit. She almost stepped on an active landmine in the hallway, but was able to jump to the side just in time, before she stepped on in. When she was greeted by the damp coldness outside, she started running. She ran and ran, lukewarm tears turning colder and colder the further they ran down her cheeks.  
She didn’t care in what direction she ran, she just wanted to be away – away from everything, away from it all.  
_Damn him_ , damn Nate, for always making her cry, making her feel feebleminded and weak. 

 

Nate walked in a good marching pace, whilst he flickered and pressed the buttons on Nora’s Pip-Boy. She had told him that to get in and out of the Institute, they had fixed her Pip-Boy with a tracking devise, at which he huffed. Of course they had. He could use it to get in to the Institute, but Nora had been too tired, too wound up to tell him exactly how to use it – though, it couldn’t be that hard, could it?  
He pushed the button for the GPS and the map of all the places she had visited popped up and he steered the control up and down, to the left and right, before he saw it. The mark, CIT ruins, the Institute. Now what? He thought as he touched the screen, biting his thumb as he thought.  
“Nate!” he heard a female shout behind him and at first, he didn’t register it – but when he heard it again, he recognized it immediately, it was Nora. He turned his head and saw her running towards him without any armor, in her muddy fucking jeans and still with his t-shirt on. Her tits bouncing up and down, she looked like she had just woken up and left, going after him.  
_Fuck_.  
Nate looked down on the Pip-Boy and pressed the strange button to the right and suddenly, everything became bright white and blue, the air thick and it felt like the world tumbled around him. Nate closed his eyes and tried to breathe as he felt his whole being dissolve into nothing and he faintly heard Nora’s screams somewhere far away from him.  
Then, from out of nowhere, he landed on the floor of what looked like a fucking space age hospital.


	6. The Stranger There Among Them

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The name of this chapter is a shout out to my all time favorite game ever, Fallout New Vegas. I have yet to write a real good Male Courier, but at some point, perhaps Nate will be transformed into a Courier, in some other fic, in a future more or less far away.  
> I bet he’d look so tasty in a Stetson and dark lizard boots.  
> If you want a taste of how I imagine Nate to look, just google James Dean Cowboy and imagine Dean having auburn hair. Yep, Nate’s wickedly handsome.

Many men had tried to take him and that many men were dead  
He was vicious and a killer, though a youth of twenty four  
And the notches on his pistol numbered one and nineteen more,  
One and nineteen more  
**Marty Robbins – Big Iron**

…And Nate was gone.  
“GODDAMN YOU!” Nora screamed as she fell over on the ground, “This time I’m actually cutting off your fucking dick, you fucking asswipe, dickface, cockhole. FUCKING ASSHOLE!”  
She screamed into the woods, she didn’t care if anyone heard her. Goddamned Nate! Now she wouldn’t have a fucking chance getting into the Institute. The transmitter she had built with the help of the Railroad was long since broken and probably scrapped into pieces by now – and she didn’t know if there was an actual _normal_ way into the stupid damned hiding place those stupid, xenophobic scientists kept themselves locked inside.

After she had pounded the ground for a good while, screaming her lungs out, she turned and lay on her back, staring up on the heavy clouds above. It was still only a few hours past midday – and it was almost dark. She used to love autumn, the leaves turning red, yellow and orange and the mild cold blowing in from the Atlantic ocean, making you freezing to the core no matter how many furs you clad yourself in. Those were fancy furs, now – now she didn’t even have a clue as to how she would dress when the real cold came. She shuddered a little as a strong wind blew past her where she lay.  
She was certain she had packed down at least some kind of thicker shirt. She pulled over her pack and dug through it, pulling out another t-shirt, a pair of socks and there, a flannel shirt. It would suit Nate – it would probably look great on him, but it would have to do. She wouldn’t freeze _as much_ with it on.  
She sat up and stared out over the landscape as she pulled the flannel shirt over her shoulders and buttoned it up. What was she suppose to do now? Sit here and wait for Nate to return?  
She couldn’t do that. Not with all the dangers all around, no way. She at least needed to find shelter of some kind. She wouldn’t be able to get far today and without a Pip-Boy, she didn’t even know where she was. She thought about going to the Railroad, just to get some food and a good night sleep. But they would only hound her to do things for them and she had grown tired of that. She’d grown tired of being some kind of errand boy running around and getting almost nothing for it. Caps? No. Food? Maybe a little. Shelter? Find your own. 

Nora got up from the ground with a groan and stretched her arms, rubbing her back a little. God, her body was sore.  
And where the fuck was she? There has to be some deserted place she could hide out. Where had she come from? She looked back, but she had run too far, she couldn’t see Gunner’s Plaza anymore. She sighed and decided she had better just start moving, in a few hours, it wouldn’t be just dark, it would be colder and it was during the night, the worst predators came out. 

She walked for what seemed like two or three hours before she finally ended up at a farmstead. There was a small fire burning, so it was inhabited. But it seemed as if it was only a normal farmer, not raiders or some other maniacs. But one could never be too sure, so she carefully drew closer, her hand on her weapon, until she felt the barrel of a shotgun aimed at her temple. Damn this dark, Nora thought.  
“Why are you sneaking around my bushes, girl?” a man spoke with a thick accent and Nora held up her hands in surrender.  
“I’m friendly. Just looking for shelter for the night”, she answered.  
“I don’t take in strays”, the man answered.  
“I’ll leave, I promise”  
“Promises ain’t worth shit”, the man said and then he went quiet for a moment, “Gimme your weapon. Is it just you?”  
“Yeah”, Nora answered and gave him her gun. She didn’t say anything about the knife in her boot. It was her safety, if anything were to happen. 

The man motioned for her to move with his shotgun and so she did. He followed after her into the lit up house, in there, it was warm and a fire was burning in the middle of the room. On a trashed sofa right next to the fire, sat a little girl who looked at Nora with large, wide eyes. Nora looked back at the man, who she guessed was about Nate’s age, but looked like he’d lived a rougher life.  
“There”, the man said and pointed towards a bedroll, “You can sleep there. This here’s my daughter, Nellie”  
Nora smiled towards the girl, “Hello”, she said and the girl shyly smiled back without answering.  
“And I’m Stan”, the man said.  
“Nora”, Nora answered and smiled softly to the man. At least she didn’t think he was a rapist. They could be cannibals, or just thieves – but at least she wouldn’t get raped, _she hoped_. 

“What brings you out here, Nora?” Stan asked and sat down on the couch. Nora sat herself down on her bedroll, close to the burning embers, “We don’t have much but the stray gunner passing by, down here”  
“It’s a long story”, Nora said with a sigh. “But lest just say that I’m looking for someone and I lost the person, so now, I’m trying to find my way up north again”  
“Up north? Where’d you come from?” he asked and Nora hesitated. She couldn’t tell him ‘Gunner’s Plaza’ – he might just shoot her on the spot.  
“I’ve been running in circles for some time, a day or so, so I don’t rightly know. But I have a home up in Sanctuary, if you’ve heard of it”, she pulled the flannel shirt tightly around her, as she was starting to shiver.  
“Sanctuary? Yeah, ‘heard about it, sure. Had one of them… Uh, minutemen passing by last spring, after the massacre at Quincy”  
“Preston Garvey?” she asked.  
“Black dude?” Stan frowned, as if thinking. Nora nodded and his eyes shone up, “Yeah, must’ve been him. Stayed the night, but then moved on. He had some biddy old hag with him as well, talking about some ‘Sanctuary’”  
Nora nodded. She hadn’t helped Preston when he needed the help, mainly because when she met him, she was still with Nate – and Nate argued that if she wanted to die, he’d happily let her run off and pretend to be a hero. He, however, wouldn’t lift a fucking finger in some goddamned suicide mission to help a bunch of idiots getting caught up inside a raider infested old museum. _If they’re not strong enough, they’ll just die shortly after we’ve saved them. It’s a waste of our bullets, baby girl_ , he’d said. 

What was Nate doing now? He must have been inside the Institute for several hours by now. Had he met Father? Nora shuddered, it still made her feel nauseous thinking about when she really, really realized it was her son standing in front of her. Old, an old man, looking like a slim version of her dad.  
She couldn’t imagine Nate’s and Shaun’s meeting going all that well. But Nate was overly protective when it came to his children, so she simply couldn't be sure on how he would actually react, being confronted with it in person. 

Nora sighed as she warmed her hands on the fire, the silence was nice and Stan and Nellie kept to themselves in the couch, Stan reading silently to the girl. The girl. Suddenly Gaby’s words came back to Nora. Had Nate really told her, that it was Nora’s fault that Ally died? He couldn’t have. He was violent and did bad things, but he was never _that_ cruel. He’d never said a word about blaming her for their daughter’s death. It had been determined to be a typical cause of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. Ally had rolled over on her stomach in her sleep and Nora had been sleeping in her bedroom, not noticing or hearing anything. She had followed every good goddamned advise she was given from the doctors. Read every book she could get a hold of, with tips for when having your first child. Everyone said that the child should sleep in its own bed, in its own room. They had said children seldom rolled over on their stomachs, if laid down on their backs – and Ally never did, until _that_ time.  
Nora felt her throat thicken when she thought about it, and the rage built within her again, along with the sorrow over the loss of both her children. Ally dead and Shaun… Shaun. What had she done to deserve this? Both her children taken from her, before they could even walk or talk?  
And Nate, blaming _her_ , when he wasn’t even home – he was out, meeting a whore. A whore just like the one he had back at the Plaza. 

Jesus Christ, Nora thought. She had wasted her life on a sociopathic tyrant who took what he wanted and didn’t give two shits about the corpses he stepped over to get where he wanted. He didn’t love her, he only loved himself.  
A cough.  
Nora looked up and was greeted by the kind dark eyes of Stan, who looked at her with a worried look in his eyes. She looked down and saw that her knuckles were white and her nails pressed into her thighs, almost ripping the jeans. Nora quickly let go and tried her best to give him a careful smile.  
Stan rose from the couch and walked over to her, sitting down closer to her, but still with a safe distance between them, as if he understood she didn’t want a stranger all too close. 

“You okay?” he asked in a silent voice, as to not wake up Nellie, who had fallen asleep.  
“Yeah”, Nora nodded, “I’m fine”  
“Don’t seem fine”, Stan looked down on his hands. “I get it if you don’t want to talk, me being a stranger and all. But, I’ll tell you this. I know suffering and I know what it looks like. And you, you’re suffering”  
Nora was quiet for a moment, not looking up from the fire still burning silently before them. “Yes”, she finally said. “I am” 

 

 

Nate felt nauseous and as he landed once again on the natural soft, muddy ground just outside Gunner’s Plaza, he heaved into the grass, retching as stomach acid forced its way up through his throat.  
Nora had been right.  
It was unnatural, wrong, simply wrong. It wasn’t his son greeting him when he arrived in the clinical white, strange little fake world they had built for themselves in an oversized bunker. It was his father-in-law greeting him. The same arrogance and frowning, but without the old world charm that Nora’s father possessed. It felt strange, since Nate had like the man somewhat – but seeing him again, but him being someone else – his son, had been all too wrong. He couldn’t handle it. He tried to be civil, but after a few hours, he had to get out of there, or else he would have opened fire on them all. 

When he finally pushed himself up off the ground, he made his way inside the Plaza, hoping that Nora had made her way back. She hadn’t.  
Instead, he was called into captain Wes’ office the second he closed the large entry door behind him. Not so much to his surprise, Wes and Cypress told him that the fucking imbecilic Gaby had gone and attacked Nora once Nate had left. Nora had just up and left, which explained how she looked when he’d seen her running towards him, tits flying everywhere in the too large t-shirt he had put on her before she fell asleep completely.  
“What’d she do?” Nate asked as he unscrewed the cork on a bourbon bottle and drank three large mouthfuls of the retched, but pleasantly burning liquor.  
“Nora?” Cypress asked, sitting leaned back in one of the chairs up on the small stage. Wes sat next to him, drinking a beer and fidgeting with a lighter.  
“No, fucking Gaby”, Nate growled as he took another swig from the bottle.  
“Nora said she just attacked her, _unprovoked_ ”, Cypress cocked his head and gave Nate a knowing look.  
“What, you got something to say, corporal?” Nate walked up closer to him, towering over the man sitting down.  
“Hey now”, Wes cut in, trying to calm Nate down, “Ain’t nothing to get upset about. Cypress heard something and went to check it out, broke up the fight and reported it, just as he should”  
“Sure”, Nate nodded, not letting his eyes off of Cypress, “However, I didn’t like what he insinuated just now”  
“Calm down, goddamn it. Gee, boy. You got more testosterone than a bull”, Wes said and patted Nate on his back.  
“Yeah, well ain’t you glad I have, wouldn’t have gotten you this far if I were some scrawny fuck like Cypress over here”, Nate still looked into Cypress’ eyes, not letting the man go for a second. Cypress, like a dog, retreated and looked away, huffing with indignity and Nate smirked as he put the bottle down with a hard thud on the table. “Where’s Gaby now?” Nate asked.  
“Around”, Wes said, “We decided to let you choose her punishment. Don’t kill her though, she is a corporal, after all”  
Nate shrugged and looked up at the roof where he still could see the old lamps hanging, not having worked for hundreds of years.  
“Thanks for telling me”, Nate said before he turned to walk out. He would deal with Gaby eventually, right now, however – he was too tired to do something about her, and he also needed to locate Nora. She wouldn’t have gone all that far, if he knew her right. 

He walked through the bending corridors and into his small room, where he changed into new clothes, less Gunner-like, only keeping the khaki pants and boots, and washed his face before he left the building yet again.  
Going wife-hunting, there he had something he hadn’t done in a long time, Nate smiled as he rolled his shoulder, walking away from the Plaza for the second time that day. 

 

 

It was the middle of the night, and _someone_ touched her. Nora lay completely still on her bedroll, hardly daring to move as he felt the large person moving just behind her back, it touched her hair lightly, before carefully pushing its hands under her body and Nora realized the person touching her, tried to lift her. She quickly turned around, ready to scream – for whoever it was, if it was Stan or a raider or whatever, trying to take her, a scream would wake up at least Nellie – and Stan, hopefully, wouldn’t want to rape her with his daughter awake.  
A large, rough and calloused hand kept her scream from being uttered and her eyes dilated when she saw who it was, lifting her up. _Nate_.  
Remembering her rage, anxiety and sorrow from earlier in the evening, Nora would _not_ simply let Nate take her as he wished. Instead, she started kicking and pushing, making strangled noises and soon, a clicking sound was heard and the shotgun barrel that she had had pointed against her temple before, was now pointed towards Nate. Nate stilled and with a sigh, he ungraciously let Nora go. He didn’t even bend down and she shouted as she landed on the hard floor below.  
“Fucking hell, Nora”, Nate sighed and shook his head. “Who’s this?” he asked and nodded towards Stan.  
“And who the fuck are you?” Stan asked, still with his shotgun pointed towards Nate. Stan, was a small man compared to Nate. Well, to be fair – Stan would be small compared to almost any man and Nate would be large compared to almost any man. Nora looked back and forth at the two men for a moment, before she reached out and pushed Nate’s legs, forcing him back a few steps.  
“This”, Nora sighed, looking at Nate, “Is Stan, Stan, this is Nate – my husband”  
Stan twitched slightly, looking Nate over and then he looked back down on Nora, “This the asshole that did all that to you?”  
“The fuck are you talking about, scumbag?” Nate looked like he was about to punch the poor man and Nora quickly got up on her knees and pushed him back further.  
“Take it easy, Nate”, she said.  
“Daddy”, Nellies small voice whispered through the darkness in the room, “What’s going on, dad?”  
“It’s alright Nellie, stay on the couch, yeah?” Stan said and Nate looked at him with harsh eyes and then looked at the small girl sitting curled up on the couch.  
“You’re not going to hurt them, are you, Nate?” Nora said with a calm voice and looked up at Nate from where she stood on her knees in front of him. Nate looked down on her and something softened in his eyes, if only for a moment.  
“No”, he said, “Of course not. But hey, you – asshole, put that sawed off rifle down, okay?” Nate said and pointed with a knife that Nora hadn’t noticed that he held toward Stan.  
Nora looked back and nodded towards Stan, who lowered his rifle, “Put down your knife, Nathaniel”, Nora whispered with a warning in her voice and Nate did as she told him, for once. 

“Alright”, Nate sighed, “I’m only here to get my wife. I suppose you’ve helped her and I’m grateful”  
Nora almost laughed, he didn’t sound the least bit sincere, but at least he had the manners not to look a gift horse in the mouth. Stan nodded, “Where you headin’?”  
Nate looked at Nora and she shook her head carefully, trying her best to signal him _not_ to mention the Plaza – or the fact that she under no circumstances wanted to go back there. “North”, Nate answered in a short tone.  
“Back to Sanctuary?” Stan asked.  
“Mayb-“, Nora began, but Nate cut her off.  
“Whaddya know about that? There something you _didn’t_ fucking tell him?” Nate snarled and looked at Nora.  
“Stan”, Nora said and rose with a smile. “Please excuse my husband. He’s hot tempered and it seems he’s running out on his patience, it’s probably best that we leave”  
Stan nodded carefully, looking back and forth between Nora and Nate.  
“Thank you for giving me a place to sleep. If you’re ever in need of a more secure place to live, know that there’s place for you in Sanctuary, but the road there isn’t safe”, Nora said and gave both Stan and little Nellie a kind smile. “Be careful”  
“You too”, Stan nodded and Nora gave him a smile before pushing a slightly fuming Nate out the front door. 

 

 

They walked in silence for a few minutes and it wasn’t until they were so far away from the little farmstead, they could no longer see it, that Nate grabbed a hold of her and forced her to stop walking.  
“What the fuck was that?” he snarled.  
“What was what?” Nora asked calmly.  
“ _That_ , what did you tell him?”  
“What do you care?” Nora pulled her herself free from Nate’s grip and took a step back from him.  
Nate frowned and looked at her, breathing heavily. “That whole, ‘that asshole who did shit to you’ thing?”  
Nora huffed, crossing her arms over her chest, “Want me to remind you of everything you’ve put me through, or what?” she hissed, pointing a finger at him.  
Nate took a few quick steps towards her, towering over her and breathing heavily down over her. She could feel every warm puff of air hitting her face as she stared back at him with defiant eyes.  
Nate grabbed the back of her neck, as he leaned his forehead against hers, “I’m sorry, baby girl”  
“Don’t you fucking ‘sorry’ me!” Nora pushed him away, “You fucking dog, you unfaithful fucking piece of shit!”  
“What the fuck’s with you Nora?” Nate growled as he pushed her back.  
“Don’t touch me!” she held out her arms against him, “Don’t you fucking dare!”  
“Tell me what the fuck I’ve done!” Nate’s voice roared in the quiet forest, “I can’t _do_ anything if I don’t know what’s wrong with you in the first place!”  
“What wrong with me?” Nora’s eyes widened in faux shock, “With _me_? I had a little ‘chat’ with your goddamned mistress before, but perhaps you already knew that?” Nora took a few stomping steps towards him and punched his arm. “She fucking attacked me for no reason at all, and then, she told me something, something _you’ve_ never had the fucking decency to tell me”  
“What?” Nate croaked, looking at her with confusion in his emerald eyes.  
“That you, _you_ blame me for Ally’s death”, Nora shouted and struck Nate over the face with her opened hand. “Me?! You left me alone with her, you weren’t even home! Were where you, Nate? Huh? At that blonde whore’s house? Fucking her silly, spilling your fucking semen inside her too? Maybe you have more dead children now after the bomb? Little ghoul children running around? Huh? What? All quiet now, are you? Big though guy too confused and scared all of a sudden?”  
“Fucking stop it, Nora!” Nate screamed and grabbed her shoulders, drawing his hands up to her neck and holding her in a steady grip. His eyes searched her eyes and he reached up and wiped away the tears that had fallen down her cheeks during her raging. “I didn’t mean that, what I told her. I was angry. Angry with you, for leaving me, choosing that fucking… Weirdo, instead. I should never have said that to her, it ain’t true, I promise it ain’t true, baby girl”  
“I didn’t fucking kill Ally!” Nora said in a hoarse voice, almost sobbing as Nate leaned his forehead against hers again, calming her down with his warmth.  
“I know you didn’t. It wasn’t anything either of us could have done. Individually, we weren’t bad parents to her, we weren’t”, Nate whispered against her hair and kissed her scalp as he pulled her into his arms, slowly stroking her back and arms. “I’m so fucking sorry, Nora”  
“Yeah”, she hiccupped, “I know”


	7. Little Bitty Girl

“In such a big, big world, somewhere in this big, big world”, Nate smiled his most charming smile and looked over his shoulder at Nora, who walked beside him.   
“Stop it”, Nora pouted and pushed his arm.   
“There’s got to be a – _little_ bitty girl for me”, Nate made a silly sing-song gesture with his face and hands both, “Ah ah ah – oh oh oh”   
Nora looked at him, trying to contain her smile as he turned around, walking backwards, holding his hands out.   
“I’ve got a big, big love”, he sang, holding his hand to his chest and deepening his voice, “For this _little_ bitty girl. So where in this big, big world”, he gestured around them and smiled, looking directly into her eyes. “Can she be?”   
“Don’t you ever grow up?” Nora smiled a looped smile, pouting her lips as she followed Nate, and he laughed, ending the song.   
“I ain’t that old yet, baby girl. A man’s allowed to sing for his sweetheart”, he said and stopped, biting his lower lip as he looked down on Nora, who walked up to him. “Remember that I used to sing that?”   
“Sure”, Nora nodded carefully, looking at his lips and the tips of white, biting into that light pink flesh in such a tantalizing way. “You’d only sing it if piss drunk, like that Christmas Eve”   
“Yeah? What about _that_ Christmas Eve?” Nate, murmured pulling her closer by her waist, letting one of his hands trail up her spine to her neck, carefully touching the soft skin, warm from being shielded by her long locks of hair, blowing freely in the soft winds.   
“You don’t remember?” Nora said and looked up at him, touching his chest through his shirt and leather jacket, dipping her fingers inside, feeling the skin of his muscled chest through the small holes between the buttons of the shirt.   
“I remember us dancing”, Nate leaned down and kissed her behind her ear, taking her hand with the one he’d stroked her neck with, “And the Christmas lights blinking in every color you could imagine”, he drew his lips down her neck, towards her shoulder. “Ally was right here, between the two of us, shielded by your body”, his arms snaked around her waist and Nora melted against him, “Just the three of us, you sipping brandy…”  
“And you sang”, Nora almost whispered.   
“I did”, Nate looked up from her skin, into her almost amber-like brown eyes, “You’re the only one I’ve sung to”   
“I can’t possibly understand why”, Nora huffed and smiled, looking up at him with mischief in her eyes.   
Nate raised his eyebrows and faked shock as he tightened his grip around her waist and lifted her from the ground, swirling her around in his grip, “You wound me, baby girl”   
Nora laughed as she whisked around in the autumn air outside. 

Alone like this, just walking along a long since abandoned road, this – what Nate and her had, almost felt normal. It almost felt like it wouldn’t crumble into pieces at any moment. As if it hadn’t always been like that – instead, as if it had been like this the whole time. No sorrows, no infidelity, no mistrust or spite. 

“Fuck, Nate”, Nora shrieked as she laughed, “Put me down, you goddamned maniac!”   
“No”, Nate smiled.   
“Put me down!”   
“Beg me”, Nate said in a calm voice, his smile gone from his face as he stopped, but didn’t put her down. Nora looked at him with a puzzled expression. “You heard me, beg”   
“Nate…”   
“Nora” 

Silence, Nate looked into her eyes and Nora looked back into his. She felt confusion, what was he getting at?   
But then, he kissed her, deeply and Nora melted once again, into his arms, into his whole body and when he let go, he smiled again. “So come on, beg me”   
“For what?” Nora stroked his cheek, letting her thumb run over his bottom lip.   
“To never stop singing to you”, Nate said with a smirk and Nora punched him playfully again as she laughed.   
“You ass”, she said and kissed him and Nate kissed back, letting his tongue prod her lips and when she opened up her lips for him, she moaned quietly and Nate’s arms tightened around her. 

 

 

They walked the entire day, having started early in the morning at the small farmstead and when they made camp for the evening, they decided that they would re-route from where they were and instead of Sanctuary, they would go to Diamond City. Nora had only been there a handful of times, speaking to Nick when searching for Shaun. Nate, apparently owned an apartment there, in the middle of the Market Square and Nora couldn’t help but to feel some kind of relief, not having to return to Sanctuary yet again. By now, it was no more than a tomb for her, she realized she’d be perfectly happy if she never set foot there again in her life. Too many bad memories, both from before the war and since waking up.   
If someone else wanted to turn it into a settlement, she wouldn’t care, she wanted to be somewhere else. 

Nate sat on a wooden stump by the small fire, poking sizzling pieces of mole rat meat with a stick as it fried in its own fat on a piece of metal. Nora sat on her bedroll, slicing tatoes, onions and chopping wild garlic with her knife. It was amazing what you could find out in the woods, with some patience and determination, she would have never believed herself to be so sufficient when it came to basic survival.   
“Couldn’t we try to find a new house?” Nora asked after a long silence.   
“A new house?” Nate turned his head and looked at her. “Whaddya mean?”   
“Like, there’s so many empty houses everywhere. We could try to renovate one, make it our own”, Nora put the knife down, finished with the chopping and slicing, giving the metal piece she’d used as a chopping board to Nate, who dumped the contents onto the ‘frying pan’ he used, before pouring some beer over the entire thing.   
“Hm”, Nate nodded and hummed. “Didn’t realize you’d want to do something like that”   
“Why not?” Nora looked at Nate.   
“I’m not complaining”, Nate said, frowning as he stirred the contents frying on the piece of metal. “Only, you’ve threatened to cut my dick off quite a few times by now”, he chuckled. “But yeah, baby girl – if that’s what you want”   
“I want a normal life, Nate. As normal as it can possibly be… Here, now”   
“A family”, Nate mumbled.   
Nora nodded slowly, biting her lower lip, “Yes… A family”   
Nate looked at her with a smile, his head slightly tilted, “Whatever you want, baby” 

They ate together before they went to sleep, their bedrolls pushed together and Nate’s strong arms slung around Nora, protectively. He had set several traps around them and for the first time in a long time, Nora slept soundly, safe in Nate’s arms.   
Being ignorant, was a blessing – perhaps that is how she’d survive this hell that she’d found herself in. Nate still hadn’t said anything about what happened when he relayed into the Institute. Nora hadn’t dared to ask, she figured he’d eventually tell her – or perhaps not.   
She didn’t even know if she wanted to know, really. The whole thing, Shaun - _that_ … Man, made her throat grow thick and her mouth dry, in the worst kind of way.   
Could they perhaps preform lobotomies in Diamond City?   
Being lobotomized felt like such a grand thing, just then. Not having to think, to worry, to make any choices at all. Nate could make all the choices for her, she wouldn’t be more than a shell, a living dead. Nate probably wouldn’t mind, as she wouldn’t complain, ever again. 

 

 

Nate turned the key and the red door to his apartment opened. He had almost forgotten that he had this place, he was seldom there anymore, since he had been assigned to Gunner’s Plaza. He had few reasons to go to Diamond City now, the Gunners giving him most of the things he could need, whatever it was, food, guns, ammo, pussy – it didn’t matter, they would fix it.   
A perk of rising through the ranks, he supposed. 

He held the door open for Nora and she stepped in, looking around with wide eyes.   
“Wow”, she said and Nate closed the door behind them. “This place looks like shit”   
Nate swatted her ass and walked past her with a smirk, “Haven’t had time to do anything with it yet. Just brought in a bed in and a couch. But you know, there’s a surprise here for you”   
“Yeah?” Nora’s eyes shone up as she followed him.  
“You see”, Nate said and took her hand, pulling her close to him, “There’s one thing that Diamond City is quite alone in and it’s also the reason it’s not exactly cheap buying property here”   
“No”, Nora gasped and pulled her hand up over her mouth, as she looked up the stairs.   
“Yes”, Nate whispered into her ear, “Goddamned pluming and clean water”, he smiled and Nora almost giggled like a little girl, now holding both her hands over her mouth.   
“Please tell me you have a tub”, she said, not looking away from the bathroom above them.   
“I do”, Nate kissed her neck. “Go on then”, he chuckled and slapped her ass, pushing her forward towards the stairs.  
Nora looked back at him with an amazed look on her face before she walked up the stairs. 

“Oh my fucking god!” he heard her shriek from joy as she turned on the lights in the bathroom and Nate chuckled to himself, sitting down on the couch and sinking into the lumpy, but still quite comfortable stuffing.   
Soon, the water started running upstairs and the squeaking shrieks of joy let him know that Nora was enjoying the luxury of warm, clean water.   
Nate leaned his head back and stared up at the boring grey concrete ceiling. How he wished sometimes, that he could feel such simple joy, happiness, as Nora did at times. It was one of the things he liked about her, made him stand her, that she was so honest in how she expressed herself. Both when speaking and just by the way she looked, when feeling something. It didn’t matter if it was sadness, happiness, anger or sorrow, he saw it on her directly, always had.   
Nate seldom felt such strong feelings, unless it was associated with violence or sex, those primal feelings spoke to him, roused him and brought him happiness. He understood the rational fact that it wasn’t normal to react positively to violence, or only feel some kind of semblance to _something_ whilst fucking. It had to do with power, how he could bend and twist other people around his fingers, through sheer force making them do whatever it was he wanted.   
He did it with Nora all the time. Put on a smile, teased her a little and then kissed her. It’s not that he disliked doing it, he just didn’t find any joy in doing it. It was a learned behavior, faked and acted, because he had learned that she, and women in general, appreciated it.   
Nate remembered when he was a teenager and he had started to grow, become more of a man than a boy, it was then that he had realized that girls were drawn to him. Much more so than to his friends, or the boys around him. He realized he looked good and it didn’t take him long to figure out, that he could use his looks to get whatever he wanted. It was, in fact, a great camouflage. It drew people in and more often than not, it didn’t matter what he did, because he was nice to look at.   
After a while, still in his teens, it disgusted him to understand that people generally didn’t give a shit about _who_ he was. They only saw what was on the outside. But after some time, he understood, really understood, its advantages. He could do whatever the fuck he wanted. People flocked around him, even though he was a bastard, a scumbag. They listened to what he had to say, charisma, they said – but Nate knew, he saw through their feeble attempts to hide their swooning and he reveled in the power it gave him. 

When he met Nora, she didn’t mean shit to him. But over time, he got used to her, used to having her as his – she became something he _wanted_ to have as his, something that would be his and only his, forever. He understood it wasn’t fucking love, he didn’t feel any tingling or longing, he didn’t miss her when he was away, but he liked the thought that she belonged to him – and only him.   
He grew tired of all other girls, but not Nora. He could never get tired of her, never have too much. When he fucked her, it felt like time slowed and everything cramping his mind, making him twitch, all the fucking thoughts of violence, blood and guts, paused and all he could focus on was her small, curvy and soft body clenching around him as he pounded into her with all the force he could muster, leaving bruises on her pale skin, marking her as his.   
Perhaps he couldn’t ever love her – but he liked her. Liked being around her - most of the time. More than he liked being around anyone else, at least. 

No, Nate thought to himself as he sat there in the couch, listening to water splashing and Nora sighing from relaxation. _No_ , he had only loved two people in his whole life.   
Ally and Shaun.   
And it pained him, knowing he had to kill Shaun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song Nate sings in the beginning, is Bobby Rydell - Little Bitty Girl


	8. Living on a Prayer

“What happened when you went into the Institute?”  
Nate frowned as he swallowed down the cold beer, the carbonic acid forcing its way up again and Nate suppressing the inevitable burp. He looked at Nora with empty eyes, only shrugging in response.  
Her beautiful eyebrows knitted together as she looked at him, lips hanging slightly ajar. “Something must have happened? You were furious”  
“It’s nothin’ you got to worry about”, Nate said and took another heavy swig, finishing off the beer and throwing it away, the glass splitting on a rock a few feet away.  
Nora crawled closer to him, one of her hands reaching up to stroke his stubbly chin as her large amber brown eyes peered into his. “No more lies, we promised each other”  
“Ain’t lying”, Nate murmured as he pressed his lips against hers in a wet kiss, tasting of beer and tobacco. “The old bastard’s dying, ya know”  
“ _What_?” Nora pushed away from him, her eyes shocked and almost tearing up.  
“What?” Nate mimicked her, a snarl on his lips, “Don’t tell me you’re feeling sentimental? He’s not our son, Nora. Our son’s dead”  
“He may be old, but he is out son!”  
Nate chuckled bitterly, before with only a nick of his wrist, he smacked Nora harshly over her cheekbone, grabbing her throat and pulling her down on the ground as he straddled her hips. “He’s _not_ our son”, Nate hissed between his teeth. “It ain’t natural Nora, ain’t supposed to be, don’t you get that, huh?”  
“Let go of me, Nathaniel!” Nora wined, trying feebly to struggle against his large hands holding her down, pressed against the dry grass and dirt underneath her.  
“When the fuck are you gonna learn?” Nate beat her once more and she shrieked, her hands flying up to protect her face, “If I say he’s not our son, that’s how it is! Fuck, what do I have to do for you to get that into that thick skull of yours?”  
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry”, Nora whined, tears streaming down her cheeks as she wriggled underneath him. “He’s not our son”, she whispered, “Not… Our… Son”  
“Lying cunt”, Nate hissed, smacking her again, before he got off of her and rose to standing. He checked his gun resting against his hips before he leaned down to pick up his rifle. “You need to learn to toughen yourself up, Nora. This just ain’t gonna do, I can’t fucking have you crying like a little girl over worthless things like that. He’s gone, get it? _Gone_ ”  
Nora turned, her hands hugging her face as she wept, shrieking into herself as she rolled into a small ball on the ground. Yeah, sure, he understood her pain – theoretically. Fuck, he loved Shaun too, but that _man_ , the old fucker looking so much like his father-in-law, it wasn’t fucking Shaun. Shaun was a baby, small enough that he could fit the little guys butt into one of his own hands. He sure as hell couldn’t fit that old egghead’s ass into one hand and that right about did it for Nate. Nora could get pregnant again, she could very well be pregnant now for all he knew – but as it were, they had no children. The ones they’d had, were dead, long gone with the rest of the fucking world around them. 

“Get the fuck up”, Nate kicked her boot, “We gotta get goin’”  
Nora didn’t react, and so Nate walked up to her head, his boots only inches from her face, before he pulled her up to her feet, forcing her to stand. She leaned against him, her face red and swollen from his punches, her knees weakened, forcing him to hold on to her.  
“You want me to fucking leave you here? ‘Cause I fucking will, you know”, Nate threatened as he let go of her. Nora stood on her own two legs as he let go, walking over to pick up their bags. Then he grabbed her arm and started walking. Nora kept quiet as the walked, tears still streaking her cheeks. 

 

Nora sat silent, watching Nate as he slept on the bedroll just a feet from her. She had the first night watch, and she should really have been watching out for dangers creeping close, since the Commonwealth was full of them. Instead, she stared at Nate’s sleeping complexion. She couldn’t look away from him, her mind occupied by thoughts on how to kill him. She’d done this before, during sleepless nights when he slept at home for once. Sitting on the bedside, watching his sleeping form, the auburn hair falling down over his forehead, his full lips slightly ajar and eyebrows knitted from some dream.  
Slit his throat?  
Strangulation?  
Shotgun to his head?  
The was only one problem. She couldn’t. It wasn’t possible for her to go through with it – and above that, she wasn’t entirely sure Nate could actually die. He’d survived wars, a nuclear holocaust and now, he had survived the Wasteland. What had the military done to him? It wasn’t human, being able to survive all of that. She had even tried to poison him once, but it only made his stomach upset for a few days, which turned his mood exceptionally sour and only resulted in her getting more beatings.  
What would he do to her if he found out she was plotting to kill him? She didn’t even want to think about it. 

“You know, I can fucking feel you staring at me”, Nate murmured and Nora jumped where she sat, almost falling back on her ass as her eyes widened in shock.  
“Wh-what?”  
“You’re fucking staring”, Nate’s eyes were still closed, but he spoke with a voice telling her he was very much awake. “Drives me insane, so stop it”  
“I’m not-“  
“Yeah, you are”  
“Nate”  
His eyes opened as he looked at her, “Nora”, he said in a flat voice, looking annoyed.  
Nora looked away from him, clutching her mug of weak coffee, the taste having disappeared, considering the coffee itself was over 200 years old. But the caffeine seemed to be lingering, keeping her awake never the less. 

A deep sigh could be heard from Nate as he turned to lie on his side instead, stretching his legs out and Nora felt his boots nudging her hip.  
“You know”, Nate yawned, “It’s rude to wake people up”  
“Mm”, Nora hummed, rolling her eyes silently, looking away from him.  
“Better make it up to me”  
Nora turned to look at him, meeting a small, menacing smirk on his lips. “You can’t be serious? Here?”  
Nate turned to lie on his back again, unzipping his khaki’s, palming his flaccid cock. “Get over here and suck, before I but another fist in your face”  
Nora stared at him for a moment, not really sure if he was joking or not. It was ever so difficult to tell with Nate, his mood swinging back and forth, all the time. But when she looked into his eyes, she realized he was, in fact, not kidding at all. Nate’s emerald eyes bore into hers with a sternness she seldom wished to defy and so she crawled over to him, settling between his spread legs.  
He hadn’t washed in quite some time and his crotch smelled of old piss, her own dried fluids and thick musk. Nate grabbed her hair in a fist and pushed her face down against his crotch and she could feel his cock swell against her cheek.  
“Do as I say”, Nate warned her with a rasp to his hissing voice. 

Nora lifted her head and took his cock into her mouth, beginning to gently suck it and she felt it swell even further between her lips, forcing her jaws to strain as Nate pushed her further down over his cock.  
“That’s a good girl”, he breathed, his hips bucking against her. Nora bobbed her head up and down, swirling her tongue over him and soon, the bad taste of his filthy cock was gone and the smell had stopped bothering her. She grabbed the base of his cock and stroked him as she sucked on the head, swirling her tongue underneath it and she could hear Nate grunt. Then he forced her head down, pressing himself down her throat, making her choke on him and he groaned as her throat contracted, before he pulled her off of him with force, making her sway.  
Tears had forced their way from her eyes as she locked eyes with Nate. He had a snarl on his lips and his eyes were glowing with a burning heat as he looked at her. Then he sat up with his legs spread wide and folded under his thighs, his cock sticking out from his open crotch as he dragged Nora by her hair close to him, then forcing her lips apart again with a thumb, pressing his cock inside her mouth.  
“You’re so fucking easy, Nora”, Nate whispered as he fucked her face, making her gag and gasp for air, tears now flowing freely over her cheeks, “I always loved that about you. So ready to part your lips for cock, so fucking desperate” 

Nora tried to push away from him, but as always, Nate was stronger than her, his fist in her hair holding her in place with brutal force, his other hand still holding her mouth open as his cock pumped in and out of her.  
“A whore in the clothes of a saint”, he breathed, his muscles beginning to twitch, “What would your stuck up father have said if he saw this, huh? His _precious_ little bitch of a daughter on her knees, sucking cock as if her life depended on it”  
Nora sobbed at the mention of her father, he’d never been a likable person, but still, he’d been her dad and she loved him somehow.  
Nate pulled her off of him again with a snarl, “Turn around, take your fucking pants off”  
“Nate-“, Nora tried to protest, but as soon as the syllables of his name had left her mouth, Nate smacked her hard over the face, pushing her to her back and quickly, almost ripping her pants open and then pulling them down, before he manhandled her to turn again, getting up on her knees. Then, before she even had time to register it, he pushed inside her. She was too dry, too unprepared, and so she screamed and Nate chuckled, grabbing hold of her hair again, forcing her neck to bend backwards as he prove into her. She could feel several strands of hair snapping from her scalp as his large hand pulled.  
“ _Nate_!”  
“If you just fucking behave yourself, it’ll be over faster”, he hissed, breathing shallow and thrusting in and out of her, “Goddamned cunt!”  
Nora let out a croaked moan, more out of pain than anything and soon, her cunt adjusted to his penetration, as it always did, providing some moisture to Nate’s thrusting, making the whole ordeal slightly more pleasant.  
“Oh fuck”, Nate swore under his breath, “I’ll give you another child, baby”, he groaned, letting go of her hair and holding on to her hips as his movements became more and more erratic. His thick cock slamming into her, hitting her cervix and Nora whined from pain, holding on to the dry grass under her, trying to just stay upright on her knees. How many of these situations had she endured before?  
He just needed to get the anger out of his system, she’d told herself, and that’s what she told herself again right now, closing her eyes and trying to relax from the pain and strain on her body, as Nate fucked her into the ground. 

_God, if you’re even real and I’m seriously beginning to doubt that you are, but if, just a tiny little if, then please, please, I beg you. Please help me. I don’t want to love him anymore_ , Nora thought and with a deep groan, Nate finished inside her.


	9. Along Comes ***

Nora fitted her waist clincher around her, her hands shaking as she hooked it thightly against her body. Nate had… No, she shouldn’t think of it. It’s easier if she simply ignores what happened, it’s how she’d always dealt with it. Nate, he… Lost it, at times. He was damaged. Damaged from a war, from life – from, everything. She was his spouse, if anything, she was supposed to simply trudge through it and keep up a happy face, make _him_ feel good about himself. Something, she had failed miserably with during their marriage before the war and then she’d had enough when they woke up again. 

She knew, she knew all too well that she should just stick with it all. But at the same time, there was something poking at the back of her head. Something telling her this wasn’t right. It was never supposed to be like this. He could be so loving, but at the same time, he was an animal – a goddamned animal who wanted nothing more but to inflict pain upon other, only to lessen his own pain. It wasn’t fair. It was never fair.   
How could a man so physically beautiful, be such a monster?   
She could never grasp that fully, probably never could. Nate lured people in with his looks, the sad, innocent, all-American hero looking for his son, of fighting a war. That was his deal. A deal she herself had fallen for, completely. 

No, she… She couldn’t. But she had to. 

Nora tucked down the few things she had into her pack after she’d dressed fully, and without looking back. She snuck away. When she no longer could see the small fire burning in the camp they’d made, she started running. She didn’t know in which direction she ran – but right then and there, it didn’t matter. She simply needed to get away.   
She ran through towns, camps of raiders who jolted awake by her dashing through, but she ignored them, just kept running, because she knew, that if she stopped, Nate would catch up with her.   
She ran so far, her legs were beginning to feel like jell-o, her lungs screaming for her to stop, but she didn’t. She didn’t. Not until she stumbled down a staircase and fell onto a man sitting by a train, looking hurt and clasping his stomach. 

“Please… You’ve gotta help me”, he croaked and Nora stumbled back, grasping the gun at her hip.   
“Wh-what? Who are you?”   
“Raiders…” he wheezed, “They killed my family”   
“I…”, she shook her head, “Who are you? How did you end up here?”   
“Please!” he almost shouted and she stared at him with widened eyes.   
“I’ve got a stimpak, if that’s what you need?” she crouched before him, lightly touching the hand he held clasped to his stomach. There was no blood and Nora frowned and looked up at the man.   
“I’m sorry”, he said and that was the last thing Nora heard or saw, before everything before her went black. 

 

Nate woke up alone, she was gone. He’d gone too far the night before, he knew it within himself. He knew she’d gotten a taste of independence the first time she ran from him, after their brawl when they had woken up. But he didn’t believe she’d actually leave him again.   
He groaned as he clutched his head, shaking it. Where was she gonna go? How would she even survive by herself out there?   
She wouldn’t go back to Sanctuary, or anywhere she knew that he knew that she could go. He felt a shiver go through him at the prospect of stumbling on her bloated corpse somewhere in the Commonwealth, though, at the same time, she’d made her choice.   
But didn’t she understand? She knew he could get angry, she knew he couldn’t control himself at times. She knew she needed to be punished if she mouthed off. 

Nate groaned as he rose from his bedroll, kicking the pot in the small fire, making it fly off, before he clasped his head and leaned down, screaming into the ground. 

 

Nora woke up with a grumble. Her arms ached, stretching, for some reason. As she looked around her, she noticed she was in a square, and all around her, there were people. A cold wind made her shiver and as she looked down with her tired and still sleep addled eyes, she noticed she was naked. Naked, and hanging from something.   
Before she had time to even become upset, a hand clapped her on her cheek and she lifted her head to see who it was, touching her. It was a man, bald and in typical raider attire and he grinned at her, before reaching down and weighing one of her tits in his hand.   
“Ain’t got many scars this one”, he said in a deep, raspy voice, “Obviously been pregnant, but other than that, good physical state and a pretty face”, he hooked his hand into her hair and bent her head back, searching her face, “Someone will pay good money for you”, he grinned a toothless smirk towards her and Nora felt her throat fill with bile. 

 

Nora hitched a breath in her throat, looking out over the gathering of people surrounding her. Raiders. Lots of them, too. She didn’t know exactly where she was, but she couldn’t have been taken that far. She tried to shy away from the toothless man’s touch, but she was restrained and couldn’t move much.   
As she searched the crowd of people, shouting and making all kinds of noise, she spotted at dark-haired man in the back, leaning against a lamp-post causally, watching but doing nothing. He smirked to her and raked his hands through his hair as he spit on the ground, before tracing his fingers over the large knife strapped against his thigh.   
He wore dark jeans, fitted low on his hips and he was muscular – a typical raider in his peak, though still very young. Covering his chest and stomach, he wore a thin, ripped t-shirt, showing off his fully tattooed arms as well as the flesh of his stomach where the fabric no longer held together. He wore all kinds of trinkets, jewelry and such, hanging from the belt holding his pants up, but also around his neck and on his wrists and fingers.   
She could see his eyes resting on her, but he did nothing to help her, neither did he engage in the bidding that was obviously going on for her body. The toothless bald man chuckled from behind her as he pointed out her round and fleshy hips, as well as her generous bosom. 

“Two hundred caps!” someone in the audience shouted and Nora bowed her head, looking away from the man who had watched her. She shivered from the cold winds chilling her naked body as the baldy counted down to eventually sell her for two hundred caps to an unknown man.   
“Bet she’s had a lot of dicks”, another raider chuckled, ogling Nora’s body jealously as her claimant strode up and handed the auctioneer a bag filled with caps. Nora still stood on display as they counted the caps and she looked out over the raiders standing around, now murmuring to each other. The dark-haired man was gone and when she looked up, a filthy fat man smirked to her. Her buyer. She felt nauseous and made a disgusted face as she looked away.   
This is what she got for running away from Nate. She could almost bet he sat crouched behind some bushes, watching her getting sold, swearing and telling her it’s her own damned fault. She knew that much at least. 

 

How could a fat fucker like the one buying her even be a raider? She’d never seen an overweight raider before. They were all skinny and strung out on chems. This one, however? He was huge, but she noticed easily enough that he was slow. It was definitely something she could use to her advantage, she just needed to find the right time for her escape and she hoped it would be _before_ he decided to rape her.   
He led her in a chained collar down the road from the large raider compound where she had woken up. He’d thrown a dirty blanket around her shoulders to cover her up, but nothing more. All of Nora’s clothes were gone, and now she was being taken somewhere else. She tried to look around to get a notion of where she could be, but she didn’t recognize the area at all. 

After having walked for several hours in silence, the fat raider not saying much at all, aside from grunting and breathing heavily – obviously not used to walking much, they stopped when they came upon an old, rusted and abandoned school bus. The raider growled something about taking a break for a few hours before they continued the last way to ‘his place’, as he put it. Nora shivered with disgust as she wrapped herself up in the blanket, sitting with her knees drawn up to her chin as the fat bastard chained her to the seat, making sure she couldn’t move even an inch further.   
He sat down and started drinking pork and beans cold from its jar, the beans drooling down his filthy chin and Nora had to look away. The sounds alone made her retch.   
It was cold and she was hungry, freezing and her feet hurt after walking barefoot for several hours. Was this what would happen when she left Nate? She had made it alone before and it hadn’t been easy, but nothing like this had happened then. This was possibly the worst kind of situation she could find herself in and she felt tears well up inside her eyes.   
No. This wasn’t a time to cry, even though the disgusting pig that was her ‘owner’ now, lay snoring in the seat opposite to her. Nora pressed her tears back and tried to lean back, at least getting some sleep before she was going to get hauled away again. 

She didn’t know if she actually fell asleep or not, but a dull noise shook her awake and she looked around her with widened eyes, searching the darkness inside the abandoned bus. In the corner of her eye, she spotted some movement and before she had time to even try to guess what it was, a warm hand touched her bared knee and a childish smirk looked at her. Two dark, stormy eyes looked into hers, framed by dark, wild hair and in the dimness, she could only faintly see the cluster of scribbled tattoos that covered the body of the man crouching before her.   
It was the man from earlier, when she was sold.   
“Who?” she knitted her brows, looking at him, “What-“   
“It’s alright, sweetheart”, the man said in a deep, rasping voice, “Lemme get this collar off of you”   
“But the-“, she looked towards the fat fuck, only seeing a large blob lying lifeless, half hanging of the seat he had been sleeping in.   
“Ain’t gonna do shit”, the man smirked and started working on the chain around her throat. Nora watched him carefully as his muscled body twisted over hers to reach back behind her, tugging at the chains. “Man, he chained you up real good, didn’t he?” the man spoke as he reached down for his knife. Nora shied away from it and he chuckled slightly, before he started to bend the coils of the chain to get it open. “Fucking hated that dick anyway, fucking pervert”   
“You knew him?” Nora looked down and rested her eyes on his slim hips, standing just before her as he continued working on the chain.   
“Nah, knew _of_ him, sure”, he shrugged, “Fat Vic. Everyone knows about him around here”   
“He’s some kind of raider boss?”   
“Something like that, yeah”, the man tugged hard and the chain snapped, releasing Nora from the seat of the bus, “There we go”, he said and crouched down before her again.   
“Did you follow us?” Nora looked at him. Her vision had cleared and even in the darkness, she noticed his eyes weren’t dark, instead grey. His body was absolutely covered in tattoos, junkie tattoos, but he was of a large build, still slim and lean, but with well-defined muscles even though she didn’t think he was older than his late teens. His ears and nose were pierced with slim rings hanging from them and on his fingers he wore large rings on almost every finger, spikey ones – she noticed.   
“Uh-huh”, he said, searching her with his eyes, “You’re a Vaultie or somethin’? Ain’t got any scars or anything”   
“No, I guess I don’t”, Nora shook her head.   
“Well”, he sighed with a little grunt as he stood up, “You’re free now, so I’ll be on my way” 

Nora frowned and looked at him, “What are you, some kind of wasteland hero walking around saving kidnapped women from raiders?”   
He chuckled and looked down on her, he was tall as he stood in front of her. “Hardly”, he shrugged, “Just thought someone like you deserved better, that’s all”   
“Someone like me?” Nora lifted her brows in wonder.   
“Yeah, well, that right about counts as anyone when it comes to that fat fucker”, he pointed his knife to the corpse of Fat Vic. Then he looked at her with a strange look in those stormy eyes of his, as if pondering something for a moment. “You have anywhere to go? Like, people you know or something?”   
“I-“, Nora shook herself, “I’ll be fine”, she said, “Thanks for helping me”   
He nodded silently, his mouth devoid of its childish smirk as he knitted his brows looking away from her for a moment. Then he took a deep breath, searching the dark space around them, “You can bunk with me for a while if you want to, if you ain’t got nowhere to go”   
“It’s fine”, Nora said, curling up into her filthy blanket and the man looked at her.   
“You ain’t got no clothes under there do you?” without asking, he lifted the blanket slightly and then frowned, “Yeah. Thought so. Come on, sweetheart. I live with a smaller group of strung out morons not too far from here. It's better than running around buck naked with nothing but a blanket to cover your ass” 

He grabbed Nora and pulled her up, not waiting for her to answer as he led her out of the bus. He stuck his knife back on the side of his thigh and then reached for the rifle on his back.   
“You don’t have to take care of me, you know”, Nora said as he walked up beside her, guiding her with a hand on the small of her back, his other hand holding the rifle as they walked. Nora looked down and noticed his military boots, worn and wrapped in black tape so that they held together. He wore almost nothing, aside for the ripped t-shirt and equally ripped up and grimy jeans that rested on his hips, going so low she was almost afraid for his sake that they would fall off his ass. If they did, at least she wouldn’t be the only one naked, and thinking of it, she mused, she wouldn’t mind seeing the young man naked.   
Nora shook her head, he was definitely a raider, not to mention he was filthy as hell – she could smell him and she was certain she would be able to continue smelling him even if he walked a hundred yards in front of her. Aside from the hygiene issues, he must be a teenager, even though he could easily be close to her own age, though she doubted it. From what she’d seen in the wasteland, people grew up fast and it showed on their faces, making them look older than they really were.   
And thinking about it, she didn’t even know his name, but he hadn’t asked for hers, so maybe it didn’t really matter. 

“Where are we going?” Nora asked after a while, looking up at the man, still walking at her side, “My feet hurts”   
The man frowned and looked down on her feet, as if he hadn’t noticed she didn’t wear shoes before, then he seemed to go over something in his head for a moment before he crouched down slightly and without any sort of warning, lifted her up and threw her over his shoulder. Nora yelped, trying to keep the blanket wrapped around her still as she almost flew through the air before she felt an arm settle around her legs and a hand patting her ass.   
“Hey! Not what I asked for”, Nora protested and slapped his back, but the man only chuckled as he continued to walk as if nothing.


	10. Malden

‘Bunk with me’ and ‘strung out morons’, turned out to be a nicer way of saying ‘sleep on the same filthy, lumpy and moldy mattress as I do, while my _raider_ friends shoot up chems and try to beat each other bloody whilst laughing crazily’.  
Nora was not amused as she gladly crawled in deeper between the man’s arms on the mattress he had to offer. She had tried to keep her distance on the mattress to begin with, but when another, even filthier raider, high as a kite, plopped down beside her and falling asleep in an instant, his head bent down only an inch or so from her tits, she decided that the man who had taken her here to begin with, was preferable and so she scooted closer to him. His arms wrapped around her as he buried his face in the crook of her neck. She knew he was asleep and she knew she should feel really uncomfortable about it all, but strangely enough, she didn’t.  
She had been given a long t-shirt to wear instead of her blanket, but she still had no pants or shoes, but the man, who the other’s had called ‘Max’, or ‘Axe’, or something of the like, had said he would try and help her find some tomorrow. The t-shirt was pushed up over her hips every time she moved and trying to push it back down, covering her made Max, or whatever his name was, mumble in his sleep as he pressed her even closer to him. Soon, his large body was incasing her completely and she could feel his chapped lips resting against her shoulder, as well as his dark stubble scraping her skin. 

 

“Hey, Jax, who’s your girlfriend?” a female voice woke Nora up and she groaned and buried her face against something warm, which she soon realized was a human. It was him, the young man. Jax, was it?  
“Fuck off, Kal”, Jax growled, his head moving slightly against the mattress as he groaned. He was still holding Nora close and she didn’t know what to do, really. She felt awkward and even more so, when he rose to sit beside her, looking down on her as he rubbed his face. “Hey”, he rasped, “Did you get some sleep?”  
“Yeah”, Nora said, looking up at him, but still lying with her back to the others. She could hear a few people talking, as well as some snoring going on. Everything inside this place smelled like old booze and stale piss mixed with junk and chems, and it gave her a headache. Jax’s grey eyes looked sleepy as Nora looked up into them. They were intense, but had a bumptious look about them, telling of arrogance and a general lack of caring about anything. But so far, he had been kind to her and so she decided she’d try to give him a chance. “I haven’t eaten in days though”, Nora said and clasped her stomach, which rumbled so deeply it hurt.  
“Me neither”, Jax nodded carefully and looked around the room. “Guess I gotta find us some food”  
“You don’t have to take care of me”, Nora got up and folded her legs underneath her as she sat on the mattress. Jax smirked and bit his lower lip, reaching down and straightening out her tousled hair, raking his fingers through it.  
“Stop whining, I saved you from slavery, yeah? Gotta keep you fed now, so you’ll survive long enough to figure something out. What you gotta do, or something like that” 

“You’re name’s Jax, isn’t it?” Nora looked up at him. He had taken his shirt off yesterday before bed and she could now see his entire bare chest. He had all kinds of tattoos snaking their way over his skin, some scribbles, others larger patterns, like vines entwining. Other’s just simple words, or what you would have called prison or sailor tattoos back before the bombs. On the knuckles of his left hand, he had the letters E W M N tattooed and on the other hand, he had the deck symbols of gambling cards tattooed. Both his elbows were covered in spiders webs, which was then framed by both his sleeves filled with all kinds of things. His jeans hung low on his hips and along the lines of the muscles on his abdomen, creating a v-shape, he had two revolvers tattooed – both pointing down to his crotch and disappearing underneath the hem of his pants. Nora thought that they must end just by his dick, considering she could see some of his dark pubic hair trailing up towards his navel. Following the light dusting of dark hair on his chest, her gaze reached his nipples, and she saw that it wasn’t just his ears and nose that were pierced. A ring each hung from his nipples and Nora could almost feel a pain go through her own tits at the mere thought of sticking a fucking needle through her own nipples. 

“Yeah”, he answered with a huff an released her hair, instead stretching his body as he moved away from the mattress, stepping over some bodies littering the floor beside them. “C’mon sweetheart, we outta find some shit to eat or something”  
Nora frowned and stood up, following Jax out from the room into another, lighter room where a young woman sat at a table, rolling tobacco, or some chem, into a piece of paper.  
The woman, who looked as if she was around twenty years old, looked up at Nora and then Jax, then back at Nora again, “So”, she smirked teasingly, “Who are you then? You from some other gang or what? Looking fucking pristine and what not”  
“Leave her alone, Kal”, Jax said without turning to look at the woman at the table as he rooted through a few boxes. When he didn’t seem to find what he was looking for, he pushed the last box he’d gone through before turning to look at Kal. “You’ve seen my shit? Gonna head out for a bit”  
“What? You’ve gone and done something stupid, have you?” Kal narrowed her eyes, “I mean, aside from the obvious”, she nodded towards Nora and Nora looked at Jax, who simply smirked at Kal, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning back against a broken kitchen counter. 

Nora felt awkward were she stood, holding her t-shirt down so it at least covered half of her thighs as Jax and Kal kept mouthing off to each other for a while. Then Jax walked out, motioning for Nora to follow. Kal made kissing noises after them and Nora hurried her steps, catching up with Jax.  
“Where are we?”  
“Close to Malden Middle School”, Jax said as he walked out into the sunshine outside and pointed to a building sticking up behind a few others.  
“Where was Fat Vic taking me?” Nora rubbed her eyes, then raking a hand through her long hair.  
“Dunwich Borers”, he put a cigarette between his lips and lighted it, before pointing the half-crushed package to Nora, who declined with a shake of her head. “It’s a main base for a large group of raiders we’ve had dealings with. Vic was one of their bosses”  
“And you-“  
“Yeah”, Jax shrugged, “So, I gotta go away for a while” 

Nora was horrified. Why had he done that, if it got him into trouble? She knew raiders were stupid, knew most of them just attacked blindly if you yourself weren’t identified or dressed as one of them. But this? She’d never believed he’d help her if she’d just looked at him. He looked like an average piece of shit, violent and bloodthirsty, a person she’d normally would have stayed clear off without even giving him a second thought.  
Now, he told her he needed to leave what she guessed he viewed as home, because he helped her get away from a boss.  
“Why did you do it?” Nora looked up into his stormy grey eyes and Jax’s childish smirk came back to his lips and he bit into the filter of his cigarette as he stretched his arms up and then stood scratching his stomach.  
“Fuck do I know”, he shrugged, “I might not be the smartest dude around, but I’m not a complete asshole. Then, you being pretty didn’t exactly make it less worth it”  
“You helped me ‘cause you think I’m pretty?” Nora deadpanned, narrowing her eyes.  
“Does it matter? Fuck, sugar, be grateful or just fuck off. Can’t go around explaining everything I do. As I said, I didn’t think you deserved ending up being bred by that fat motherfucker”, Jax pulled his curling hair back and looked up towards the school.  
“But now you have to leave”, Nora reached out and touched his arm and Jax’s looked down on her careful hand, frowning.  
“Yep”, he nodded slightly, “About time anyway. Been thinking about moving on out west in any case. You wanna…?”  
“What? Come with you?” Nora frowned, raising one brow as she looked at him. She had thought about leaving the Commonwealth before, but just hadn’t come around to do it. She didn’t know the state of the rest of the country to begin with, and didn’t know even where to go. But did she have anything better to do?  
Shaun was dying, and either way, she couldn’t go back there, considering Nate could be there and the last thing she wanted was to run into her husband again. She never wanted to see him again after that last shit he pulled, and counting all the other shit that passed between them before. But that last thing had been the drop. If she had stayed, she never would have been able to leave. Never could have forced herself to run. 

To get away from Nate, she would have to run in any case, so why not do it with Jax instead of by herself?  
Jax nodded and looked down on her, the smoke rising from his cigarette circling in the air and around his head as he breathed in the stale smoke.  
“Sure”, Nora shrugged and a smile spread over Jax’s lips that somehow warmed Nora’s stomach.  
“We gotta find you some better shit before we leave, and we need to eat”, he said, bringing his knife up from the strap on his thigh, “Wait here”, he said and walked off into a smaller wooded area.  
Nora stood there for what she thought was about fifteen minutes or so, before he came back holding two rats from their tails in one of his hands.  
“Hope you like rat”, he smirked, “Was my favorite as a kid”  
Nora looked down with disgust at the large animals dangling from Jax’s hand and she tried to ignore the fact that he’d just said that eating rat had been his favorite food as a kid. What was his favorite now? She was afraid to ask and instead she walked inside the house with him again. 

 

When they started walking through the larger area of Boston, Nora had only her t-shirt and a pair of slightly small, tight jeans that she’d been able to find hanging on to some bones. She’d washed them four times, only to get the feeling of a rotten corpse out from them before she squeezed into them. They hadn’t just been too small, even though she’d gotten much skinner since she woke up than she was before the war, but they were also too short in the legs. Instead, she had folded them up, making them resemble capris’ or pedal pushers instead. She’d also found a pair of working boots hidden away in a basement Jax had brought her to, to find rations for their travel. They were a size too big, but it didn’t really matter. They didn’t hurt too much, and it was better than moving around without any shoes on.  
Jax had strapped her up with a machete and a pipe gun, some ammo and then they had left during the night so that they could sneak out of the small-housed area around Malden. 

After having travelled some miles, they found themselves in Boston proper and Nora had found a little bit of everything, they had both collected things with any resemblance of worth and now she saw the door to Goodneighbor and its flickering lights in the distance. She’d been through there before and knew the mayor, Hancock. Though, she was slightly nervous, considering Nate could have made his acquaintance as well. But Nate was a Gunner, and from what she knew of Hancock, he didn’t tolerate the mercenary group.  
“Maybe we should stop and rest there”, Nora said and pointed towards the entrance to Goodneighbor. Jax looked towards the flickering lights and then to Nora, before he shrugged and started walking towards the small town behind the gates. Nora quickly followed after him as he walked with relaxed, but light steps, the trinkets hanging from his pants clinking slightly as he moved. “They have a hotel, of sorts”  
Jax snorted and looked at her, “A hotel? Fuck, those things cost caps, don’t they?”  
Nora looked at him, “Sleeping in a bed is worth it”  
Jax shrugged, “Whatever, sweetheart. Do whatever you want”  
“You’re not gonna sleep rough, are you?” Nora stopped him just inside the gates and Jax looked around, before he turned to her with a smirk.  
“Nah, I’ll go wherever you go”  
Nora smiled and started walking towards the two shops just inside the gates of the town.  
There, she was able to sell a lot of what she and Jax had found on their way, giving them a smaller amount of caps, but enough to afford them a night at the Rexford as well as some food for a few days. 

“Goddamn it, sunshine”, she heard a typically raspy voice from behind her and she saw Jax look over his shoulder as Nora turned around. She smiled when she lay her eyes on the ghoulish complexion of the mayor.  
“Mayor Hancock”, Nora said and reached out her hand in greeting. Hancock took it and squeezed her hand with his.  
“Long time”, he said before his eyes fell on Jax who had turned around and stood with his arms crossed over his chest. “You’ve joined a gang of raiders now, sunshine? Not that I have anything against raiders per se, as long as they don’t cause trouble around my town”  
“Don’t worry, Hancock”, Nora said and looked into his dark eyes, “This is Jax, he’s been helping me”  
Hancock nodded, but continued to look at Jax with suspicion in his eyes, even though Jax smirked cockily towards the mayor as he leaned against the wall beside him.  
“We’ll leave tomorrow, just needed to stop for a rest”, Nora said.  
“Where’ya heading?” Hancock inquired, cocking his hat slightly as he watched Nora.  
“None of your business”, Jax spoke up for the first time and Hancock looked up at him. Jax towered over Hancock, who wasn’t much taller than Nora and a lot more skinny than both Nora and Jax.  
“Now, now”, Hancock smirked as he stepped close to Jax, “Ain’t anything to get defensive about, is it? Just making sure Nora’s alright, yeah?”  
Jax frowned and glared at Hancock, before he shrugged and leaned back again, “Whatever”, he huffed and Hancock smirked again, patting the young man on his shoulder.  
“Thanks Hancock, for your concern”, Nora said and smiled towards the ghoul, before she took a step to start walking, “I need to go see if they’ve got any rooms available, see you around, yeah?”  
“Mm”, Hancock nodded, “See you around, sunshine” 

 

Nora slumped down on the bed inside their room, as Jax shrugged off his bag, leaving it on the floor before he sank down into a chair, watching Nora in the bed. He leaned back and stretched his legs out wide as he lit a cigarette.  
“So, your name’s Nora, huh?”  
“Mm”, she nodded and closed her eyes as she sank down into the dingy, but soft enough pillow.  
“I ain’t one to pry, but what are you running from?” Jax asked and twisted the cap off of a bottle of stolen beer.  
Nora turned to look at him, where he sat sipping on his beer. He looked lovely. His eyes looking dark in the dim room from this far away, but his fair skin, littered with mostly black tattoos shone in such a beautiful way, contrasting his dark, curling hair which he kept pulled back from his face. During the days they had walked, he’d almost grown a beard, which made him look about her age. She hadn’t even asked him how old he was yet, but, did it matter? She liked him and he was good company, so how could it matter how old, or young he was?  
It’s not like anything was about to happen. They’d slept beside each other for several nights now, and it had only just been hugs – for warmth or just some absurd need of human contact she really didn’t want to think too much about just then. 

Nora sighed, “Don’t know if I wanna talk about it”, she murmured.  
Jax nodded once and looked down, “I get it, you don’t have to”  
“No”, Nora said and sat up, crossing her legs as she sat on the bed, “It’s… I used to live with someone, but I ran away, and then I got caught by the…”  
“Slavers”, he nodded, “Yeah. Was it family you lived with? In some Vault or something?”  
“Something like that, yeah”, she said, “I just don’t want to go back, you know? There’s no reason for me to go back”  
“Mm”, he nodded, “Sure”  
“Where are we heading anyway?” she asked and Jax looked up at her, smirking again. He still had kind of good teeth, which was another sign of his young age. Teeth spoiled quickly in the wasteland with all the chemicals and sugary drinks one could still find all around.  
“A place for raiders just west of here, I’ve got a friend there”, he sipped his beer, “Have you heard of Nuka World?” 

Yeah, she’d heard of Nuka World. It was an amusement park before the war. She and Nate had thought to take Shaun there when he was a little older, but that hadn’t happened. She hadn’t heard anything about it after she’d woken up, but an old amusement park filled with raiders sounded like trouble, if anything. Still, what the hell, if Jax wanted to go there, she supposed she could tag along and see what happened. 

That night, just like every other night since she’d met Jax, she fell asleep with his arms tightly wrapped around her, snuggling against his bare chest. She’d gotten used to the filthy smell, or, she had simply soaked it up herself and didn’t smell it anymore, she couldn’t really tell. All she knew was that she liked the way he felt warm against her, capturing her protectively against his body, but not forcing her to be close if she didn’t want to. She could feel his hot breath in her hair, he had began to snuggle down into her long, thick hair, as she rested her forehead against his collar bone, circling her arms around his chest and rested one of her legs over his hip. She didn’t care that in the morning, she could feel his erection against her, because he never acted on it. Perhaps he was interested, perhaps not, she didn’t know and right then, even though he made her feel warm inside, she wasn’t interested in either sex or anything else. It was perfectly fine to just have a friend. Especially now since she couldn’t contact her other friends. Nate knew who they were and where they were and if Nora sought them out, Nate would find her. It was bad enough to be in Goodneighbor. But it was only for one night. She and Jax would be on their way again tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jax's tattoo on his left hand knuckles stands for Evil, Wicked, Mean, Nasty, which is a prison style tattoo.


	11. Selfdestructo Bust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By request from JayceCarter, ever inspiring muse, a Jax POV.

Jax woke to whines vibrating against his naked chest and he blinked his eyes, looking around the room slightly. It was still dark outside and the room was dimly lit to begin with, but it was quiet, even outside with only the occasional sound coming in through the partly broken windows. In his arms, _she_ slept, _Nora_. He didn’t know why he hadn’t asked for her name before that ghoul dressed up in his stupid costume said it. Jax had just thought of her as ‘sugar’, or ‘sweetheart’, because she looked like sugar, or a sweetheart with her dark, wild hair and deeply brown, warm eyes. Something about her looked so fragile, even though he suspected she wasn’t very fragile at all. But when he saw her strung up like he had during the auction, something had just fucking clicked inside him, especially when Fat Vic reeled in the winning offer for her.  
Jax didn’t really mind slavery, it’s just that he didn’t want to end up a slave himself. He’d fought too hard not to end up owing someone anything, not being someone’s ‘thing’ to own. He’d noticed her curvaceous naked body, seen the bruises she wore, as if she’d been raped or beaten recently and he _knew_ what that fat motherfucker did to the women who ended up in his so called ‘care’. Jax couldn’t outbid him, and he wouldn’t have in either case, even if he could. It was better two hit two birds with one stone, so to say. Kill the fucker.  
He hadn’t exactly planned on ending up with the woman, but something about her just had him asking, agreeing and then getting her back to his place. She was too bruised up, too scared and too… Unusual. Most women were malnourished, junkies and fucked up ugly, due to hard living and radiation. Sure, there were some sweet bitches out there, but none quiet as Nora, with her dark, soft and long hair, her high cheekbones and round cheeks, thin little nose and doe-like eyes. It didn’t exactly hurt that she had one of the best racks he’d ever seen, along with a round, thick ass and thick shapely thighs. 

She whined again and Jax looked down, seeing, just as he could feel her pressing against him as if her life depended on it. She’d done this since the first time they slept at his place on that mattress. Clinging to him as if she was afraid someone would come and pull her away. Maybe she was afraid of just that, Jax had no fucking idea what she’d been through, except being sold as a slave.  
He got that she didn’t want to go back home, wherever that was and for whatever reason and he wouldn’t force her into telling him. God knew he had his own shit he didn’t want to talk about. Best leave that shit behind, Jax thought as he stroked her hair carefully, circling his arm tighter around her, just for good measure. He hated how his body reacted to her being this close, as he could feel his cock fill with blood. He knew she’d noticed it before, in the mornings, but she never said anything and with the way she clung to him, what the fuck could he do? He was just a man, after all.  
“It’s alright, sugar”, he whispered into her hair, kissing her scalp, “You’re safe from whatever it is you’re so fucking scared of, there ain’t no Fat Vic here or… I dunno… Deathclaws… Whatever the fuck”  
A sob, and she clawed against his back. Jax hissed and bit his lip to not make a pained noise as it felt like her nails cut through his skin. What the fuck could she be dreaming of? Making her this riled up in her sleep. Hell, he’d seen his fair share of damaged girls and all that, but it was strange how he could almost feel his heart break as she whined, sobbed and seemed to cry in her sleep. Why he felt it, he didn’t know. He was surprised he felt anything at all. He’d done so many chems during his adolescence and teenage years, he thought he’d burned his brain so much he couldn’t feel anything anymore. But obviously, all he needed was this bitch to show up and suddenly, feelings were all over him. Making him do _this_ , lie in a fucking hotel in this shithole of a place where he had passed out and almost died from mixing vodka with mentats the last time he was here a few years ago, holding her tightly and whispering calming things to her. Fuck, if Kal or anyone else of those shitbags had seen him now, they would have beaten him up. Yeah, sure, he’d held her back home, but as Kal had interpreted it, she thought they were just fucking. Oh, he’d gladly be pressing his dick into Nora, but he wasn’t a fucking rapist and it was obvious she wasn’t in the mood. She’d been pregnant, they’d said as much during the auction and he’d seen her stomach, filled with thin stretchmarks and a little bit of sagging flesh just beneath her belly button, but fuck, the thought of her naked skin only made him harder. He needed to stop thinking about it, stop being such a perverted fucker. She was lying here in his arms, whining from nightmares or whatever, and he was getting hard, thinking of her naked flesh from when she was strung up in chain at a slave auction. The fuck was wrong with him? If his mother had seen him now, she would have beaten him up so bad he wouldn’t have been able to walk for days. 

Good thing she wasn’t here then, Jax thought with a hiss as he turned to lie on his back, one arm still wrapped tightly around Nora and her leaning on his shoulder, her face planted against his chest. He reached for his pack of smokes and put one between his lips and lit it, watching the smoke rise as he blew it from his lips. He’d let her sleep for as long as she wanted. There was no hurry. Even if Vic’s crew found out Jax was the one killing the fat bastard, he had a good head start and as it was, they were only two days away from the tram that would take them to Nuka World. 

He hadn’t seen Savoy in years, but he knew as much that the fucker had joined Nisha when they had made a deal with that Colter dude for taking over the damned park. Jax had been too young still, or well, he hadn’t thought so himself, but Savoy had thought so and his word was obviously law. If you didn’t do what he said, you got gutted up like a fucking fish. Even though Jax wasn’t much for the fancy kind of words, he wasn’t _that_ fucking stupid. He’d done a lot of shit in his life, he knew that much, but he’d also avoided a lot of shit in his days and he was fucking thankful for it. Perhaps his mom would be too, eventually, if he ever saw that old hag again. He wasn’t sure he would be able to live through it. If his mother had been a raider, she would have been the fucking Overbitch of them all, her and her fucking rolling-pin. Goddamn it, he still had dark splotches over his ass from that fucking thing, much because of all the stupid shit he pulled as a kid. But still, it sent a shiver down his spine when he thought about it. 

 

Nora woke up to find Jax sleeping on his back with a burned down cigarette still hanging from his lips. She sighed and removed it, throwing it in the ashtray on the bedside table, before she climbed over Jax to get out of the bed. Just as she was astride him, one of his hands traced the skin on her thigh, up to her hip and waist under her t-shirt. Nora stilled as she looked down on him and he bucked up against her, before he opened his eyes.  
“Oh shit!” he hissed, removing his hand and looked away from her with wide eyes. His hair was a mess as he seemed to scramble after nothing in particular. There was just something about Jax that Nate didn't possess, something that made Nora feel… Safe somehow, as if she just knew he’d never force her to do anything. Then it was kind of charming to see the otherwise cocky as hell, arrogant brat beneath her, trying his best to look the other way and his hands scrambling at his side. “The fuck, Nora?”  
“Just getting out of bed”, she grinned and climbed off of him, “Not my fault you’re the size of a damned tank”  
Jax did a sarcastically annoyed whining noise as he sat up, stroking his face and rubbing his eyes. “You had to stop and just test-sit on my dick?” Nora smirked and shrugged as she walked over to the door, still only wearing her t-shirt. “Hey, where’re you going?”  
“Just have to pee”, Nora said and opened the door, “I’ll be right back”  
“Uh-huh”, Jax groaned and as soon as she closed the door, he palmed his hard cock through his jeans, swearing under his breath. 

Nora giggled to herself as she walked down the hall to the bathrooms on her floor. Luckily, the Rexford was one of the few buildings in Goodneighbor still having working water pipes. The water was nowhere near clean, but could easily be used for the toilets.  
When she was done pissing, she walked back to her and Jax’s room, when a door three doors down from hers opened and a ghoul stepped out.  
“ _You_ ”, he stared at her with wide eyes, “It’s _you_ ”  
Nora backed up against the wall, not recognizing the man in the least and the way his hollow eyes stared at her, made her feel uncomfortable. Who was he? Was he someone Nate knew? Was she supposed to recognize him? Was she supposed to be frightened, wary?  
“I-“, Nora shook her head, “I don’t know who you are”  
“It’s _me_ , I sold you-“, he began but was interrupted with Jax shoving him up against the opposite wall from Nora, holding a sharp knife against the ghoul’s throat. Jax looked back over his shoulder at Nora, who was still pressed up against the wall.  
“He bothering you, sweetheart?” Jax rasped, his stormy grey eyes wild, but still very much controlled.  
“I-“, Nora shook her head, “I don’t know”  
The ghoul rasped something from under Jax’s clasping hand and Jax turned with a snarl on his lips, staring into the ghoul’s dead eyes. “You _sold_ her?” Jax hissed as he released the ghoul, who fell to the floor, grasping his throat. Jax was still holding his knife as he stood with his legs wide before the ghoul pooled on the floor.  
“I sold her and her husband their place in the Vault”, he rasped, coughing and Nora could see Jax’s brows furrow, his hands clasping and unclasping, “Before the bombs”, he looked up at Nora, his dead eyes wide, as if with horror, “How’d you… Why”, he shook his head, “How are you _alive_? It’s been over two hundred years. You look just the same-“  
“The fuck are you going on about, you fucking zombie?” Jax snarled, “Make some fucking sense or just shut the fuck up”  
“Jax”, Nora said, walking over slowly and touching his arm, holding him back. Jax looked over his shoulder at her and raked the hand still holding his knife through his hair.  
“What he’s-“, Jax shook his head, “It’s just gibberish, ain’t it?”  
“Come on”, Nora pushed lightly on him, making him back away from the ghoul, “I don’t wanna talk about it out here”  
“So what he’s-“, Jax stared between Nora and the ghoul with wild eyes and Nora reached up and touched his bare chest, letting her fingers trail the lines of the tattoos there.  
“Please, Jax”, Nora said and Jax nodded, but then he jerked himself away from Nora and stepped up to the ghoul again, who shielded himself from Jax as he closed in on him again.  
Jax pointed at the ghoul, his voice hissing, “Don’t fucking come close to her again. She’s been through enough shit to be scared when she should be safe, you got that, zombie motherfucker?”  
“Yes, yes!” the ghoul pleaded and Nora grabbed Jax’s arm again, now just feeling pity for the poor salesman. She knew who he was now, but she didn’t need to tell him that. What would she be able to do for him anyway? It was surprising he had survived through it all, as if were. 

Nora was able to push Jax back into the room again, and after she’d slammed the door closed behind then, she ripped the knife out of his hand and pushed at him. “You can’t just do that!” she growled and Jax just let her push him. Of course he did, he didn’t move an inch, how hard she might try to push at him. “He didn’t do anything!”  
“He fucking scared you!” Jax snarled, looking at her with intense eyes. Nora glared at him and smacked his arm.  
“Yeah, so what? You gonna beat up and threaten everyone who scares me? You’re not my fucking husband!”  
“Yeah, speaking of-“, Jax said, shaking his head, “What about what he said-“  
“Yes!” Nora raked her hands through her hair, breathing deeply, “I-“, she shook her head.  
“Hey”, Jax stepped up close to her, touching one of her arms lightly, stroking his fingers against her skin. “You don’t have to tell me, I already told you. Just surprised me, is all”  
“My husband”, Nora said quietly, not looking at Jax, “He’s out there somewhere. He’s not well. I mean, not as in sick, more like as in totally and absolutely demented, damaged by the war”  
“The war with the nukes? The ghoul said-“, Jax tried to go easy on her, just giving her enough to spill what she wanted.  
“Yeah, that. We were in a Vault, for over two hundred years, when we woke up, our son… Shaun… Ohh”, she sobbed, fisting her hands in her hair and she felt Jax’s hands grab hers lightly, trying to remove them from her hair with easy strokes. “This… This… The Institute had kidnapped our son. He was just a baby. My baby boy. But then, when I found him, he was… He, he was _old_ , it had been fucking sixty years, sixty goddamned years since they’d taken him from when we woke up”  
Nora felt the tears stream down her cheeks as Jax pulled her into a hug, his strong arms circling around her shoulders and one of his large hands holding her head against his chest as he kissed the top of her head. “Nate was, _is_ a fucking maniac”, Nora shook her head against his skin, “He’ll fucking kill me this time”  
“Nah”, Jax said, stroking her hair, “He ain’t gonna kill you, sugar”  
“You haven’t met him”, Nora sobbed, “He’s a fucking animal. I don’t know what they did to him during the war, but I don’t think he even _can_ die”  
“Everyone can die”, Jax murmured against her hair, “He the one who put them bruises on you?”  
“Mm”, Nora nodded silently with a hum and she could feel Jax’s hands tense and fist together as he pressed her closer to him.  
“We’ll be far gone from that cocksucker soon and you won’t have to worry about him anymore, yeah? You’ll be in a park filled with raiders, and I’m just guessing, but he ain’t a raider, is he?”  
“Might as well be”, Nora said, her face muffled against Jax’s chest. “But he’s too much of a soldier. He’s with the Gunners”  
“Figures”, Jax leaned down and lifted her up, carrying her over to the bed and laying them both down, “Killed a ton of those pussies with my bare hands, if that scumbag tries anything, I’ll fucking kill him too”  
Nora didn’t answer, instead, she just sank down into the mattress and clung to Jax, just as she had done before. He smoothed her hair with soft strokes as he clasped her to his large, warm body.  
“We’ll rest for another hour or so, then we’ll get moving”, he said before he yawned and nuzzled into her hair.


	12. A New Life

He’d never really seen a woman like her before in his life. Or well, that wasn’t exactly all that true, was it? He’d seen those old spank magazines, sure. But a live one? Jax chuckled to himself as he walked just behind Nora, following her swaying hips with his eyes, holding his rifle in a relaxed but ready grip as they walked the last blocks out from Boston proper. Her hair flowed down her back and shifted with every little gust of wind, along with her every movement. She carried herself in a way he’d never seen a woman do before. Elegant, but still decisive and almost a little scary in the way you’d never imagine her to be a violent person. But he’d seen her take down a fucking mutant without even breaking a sweat and even though his knife felt like a safety, resting along his thigh, he’d never even begin to think to fuck with her. How much of an idiot was this husband of hers anyway? And how come she hadn’t just ended him? She claimed he was unkillable, but that was pure bullshit if Jax had ever heard it. 

The warm summer winds was breaking through the late spring chill and as they trudged through the dry streets, Jax wiped sweat off of his brow, pulling his greasy hair back. Her goddamned swaying hips made him hard all of the time, it seemed. Fuck, it’s not like he could help it. He hadn’t fucked someone in over two months and having to take care of Nora, didn’t exactly leave him a lot of room to get some time to himself lately. He couldn’t just start stroking his dick whilst sleeping in the same bed with her. Fuck, what if she woke up? She’d fuck him up badly, and if Jax knew anything, it was that he sure as fuck wanted to live. He hadn’t survived all his own shit, just to end up beaten to death by a furious woman for jerking off when he thought she was asleep. Fuck that.   
Jax stuck his hand down his pants and quickly adjusted his throbbing cock, groaning as he did, which made Nora look at him over her shoulder. 

“You okay back there?” she said, cocking one of her dark eyebrows as her brown eyes looked him over.   
“Yeah”, Jax shrugged, pretending like nothing were different from how it usually was. It wasn’t really. He walked a few steps behind her, every now and again having to adjust his dumb ass dick having felt it appropriate to sport a visible fucking hard-on whilst walking in the middle of nowhere, only because his eyes fell on Nora’s round, swaying ass.   
“How old are you, really?” she stopped and looked at him with a suspicious look in her warm eyes, “You’ve never said”   
“You haven’t told me how old you are”, Jax said, stopping before her and leaning on his rifle and raking his other hand through his hair.   
“It’s rude to ask a lady’s age”, Nora answered with feigned hurt.   
Jax chuckled and shook his head, “The fuck, lady? Yeah, sure you’re pretty and all, but a lady? Ain’t no ladies left in this world”   
“You’re avoiding the question”, Nora put her hands on her hips, looking at him with her dark eyes narrowed.   
“18”, Jax said and cocked an eyebrow, “Why? How’s age important in any kind of way?”   
Nora’s mouth fell open for a moment, and then she shook her head, whispering what Jax thought was ‘Dear god’.   
“What?” Jax walked up to her, “Really, age doesn’t matter. It’s all about what you do, how you do it. Who the fuck cares if you’re five or fifty five?”   
“You’re just a kid!” Nora said and looked up at him with horrified eyes, “And still you’re…”, she shook her head, pinching the bridge of her nose.   
“I’m what?” Jax deadpanned with a sigh.   
“I’m sorry”, Nora said and looked up at him, “This world… It’s just so different from how it used to be. It’s hard to grasp” 

Jax huffed, looking down on the ground, kicking at the dirt with his boot, “For sure. But I’ve not known anything else, so, whatever”   
“I just…” Nora looked at him as she reached out and touched his arm, letting her fingers stroke against his skin and the tattoos there. “How have you even been able to get all of these in such a short time?” her thumb circled his skin and Jax lifted his gaze and looked at her.   
“Short time? My asshole father gave me my first one when I was like…Er, I dunno. Four, or something”   
“Four?!” Nora staggered back and then looked at him with widened eyes, “But… Why?”   
Jax shrugged, “I don’t know, I guess he was drunk”   
“I don’t even… That’s, that’s terrible”, Nora looked at him as if he was an alien and Jax didn’t like it one bit.   
“He was a raider, a dumbass and a fucking dick. Now, come on, we gotta keep going or else we’re never gonna get anywhere”, Jax said and pushed Nora into walking again.   
“But…” Nora shook her head, “I don’t understand. That’s just so… Wrong. Who does that to their kid?”   
“Fuck if I know”, Jax said and leaned his rifle against his shoulder as they continued walking. 

 

She’d known this world was harsh, but as she glanced up at Jax as they walked, somehow, that audacious look about him had changed. Now, he looked like a lost kid, a boy way too young to wander this world as he did, forced to take on a more grown image then he should need to have. He’d shielded her, saved her, even – when in reality, shouldn’t it be the other way around? Nora was by no means old enough to be his mother, but she was eight years older than him – physically. Considering the time she’d been frozen in those pods, she was really _a lot_ older, but that didn’t really count, did it?   
He kept chewing on the butt of his cigarette as they walked, the landscape before them shifting as they left Boston behind and closed in on a train station. When she saw the large bottle-shaped statues, she realized where they were. It was here she had found the guy pretending to be hurt, where the raiders had…   
She halted and Jax stopped a few steps before her, looking back at her with a concerned face. “What’s wrong, sweetheart?”   
“I-“, Nora looked around, hugging her torso as she knitted her brows and Jax walked up to her, lightly touching her arm as he searched her face.   
“You’ve been here before?”   
“Mm”, she nodded, avoiding his eyes as he looked down on their feet.   
“Something bad, huh?” he squeezed her shoulder lightly, rubbing his thumb against her skin in a soothing matter, “I ain’t letting anything hurt ya, trust me”   
Nora looked up and meet his stormy grey eyes and she bit her lower lip before nodding slightly. “I-“   
“Hush, baby girl”, he leaned his forehead against her, “There ain’t nothin’ here but a tram that’s gonna take us to Nuka World, okay? Ain’t gonna ask what’s bothering you, but if you're gonna come with me, we gotta go through, yeah?”   
“Yeah”, Nora leaned in against him and Jax’s arms closed around her, his lips pressing against her forehead.   
“You’re a strong fucking woman, sweetheart”, he murmured and Nora nodded slightly, “Ain’t nothin’ gonna get you down. I’ll never leave your side, I promise”   
“Yeah?” she looked up at him and he smirked at her, mischief back in his eyes and that childishness protruding from him again.   
“Hell yeah”, he said, raking his hand through her hair and Nora reached up on the tip of her toes, lightly pecking a kiss to his lips. Suddenly, Jax stood completely still before her, his grey eyes staring down at her, unmoving, just like the rest of his body. Nora felt her eyes widen as she realized what she’d just done and she shrank back down, a hand quickly coming up to her lips.   
“I’m sorr-“, his lips interrupted her as they crashed against hers, the kiss deeper but still surprisingly chaste as his soft but chapped lips touched hers. She reached up and trailed her hands on the sides of his neck, tracing the scrabbled lines of tattoos finding their way even up there, mixing with the coarse bristle of his beard. His arms wrapped tighter around her, and she knew this was supposed to feel wrong in more than one way. He was young, too young, and she, she hadn’t even begun to heal from Nate’s fucking assaults on her whole person, but she just couldn’t stop herself from leaning into him, meeting his warm lips with every little movement. He tasted of stale cigarettes and bitter, watered down coffee and beer, but his lips were delicious all the same in how they easily and softly encased her own with careful and a surprisingly gentle touch. 

Then, a bullet whisked by beside them, making Jax jump and then quickly pulling Nora down with him, shielded by the wreck of an old, burned out car. Nora yelped as she started up at him, but Jax was already pulling off the security on his rifle and leaning out slightly, to get a look at who and what had shot at them. Nora pulled out her own gun and made sure it was loaded as she crouched behind the rusted metal, waiting until she heard a few noises further away, followed by more gunshots. Jax was a good sniper, it turned out, and he was able to shoot down anymore trying to make their way closer to the two of them, before he began working on shooting down those a bit further off. It was Gunners, and Nora’s heart had sunk in her chest as she had recognized their skull-signs and green military issued khaki’s, but she’d yet to see Nate among them. After a while, it quieted down and Jax pulled the rifle back over his shoulder and carefully rose up, signaling for Nora to follow him slowly, as he walked out from behind their hideout. He brought out a pistol and began to near the entrance of the train station with the gun in a secure grip in his hand. Nora did the same, but kept her distance behind him, holding her own gun tightly. She then watched as Jax easily and quickly slid up against a wall, motioning for her to follow him, but staying on her side of the entrance and she crouched behind the shielding concrete, watching as he offloaded several shots into the station. Bullets whistled around them, hitting trees and concrete and Jax expertly ducked to avoid getting hurt. Nora stayed crouched the whole time, hardly peeking out from her hideout. But when a female gunner closed in on Jax as he reloaded his gun, her chest clenched as she pointed her gun towards the woman, who obviously hadn’t seen Nora hide just behind her. Her hands shook as she aimed and then squeezed the trigger, and just then, Jax looked up and saw the woman, who stopped dead in her tracks, before slumping down on the ground. Nora shot her in the head for good measure and Jax threw her an approving smirk before he quickly moved out and continued deeper inside the station.   
They met little resistance, and soon, they were down underground, where Nora had seen the hurt man. It was empty now and Nate had been nowhere in sight, thankfully. Jax walked over to a control inside a dark room and began to enter some kind of password, as he pressed an array of buttons. Soon enough, the entire place lit up and Jax looked back at her with a smug smile, before he rooted around the boxes and shelves in the small room. When he returned to her, he’d found a few cans of food, as well as some liquor and a few chems. Nora had seen him huff Jet a few times, but hadn’t said anything about it, feeling it wasn’t her problem, and she decided not to say anything now, instead just followed him into the train that stood waiting for them, its doors having opened with a huffing noise as the electricity came to life again. 

They walked through the train until they reached the front and Jax dumped his newly found stuff along with his bag on a seat, before walking over to the driver’s seat of the train, flicking a few buttons and then the train groaned as it began to take off. An automatic distorted female voice spoke, “ _Hello and on behalf of the Nuka-Cola Corporation, we’d like to welcome each and every one of you aboard the Nuka-Express Monorail_ ”. The voice kept talking, in both English and Spanish as Jax walked over to Nora and sat down beside her on one of the seats close to the driver’s hut. He leaned back, spreading his legs wide before him as he looked over at Nora with a side-looped smile, his grey eyes shining with that same intense mischief.   
“This is it”, he said and Nora looked at him, pulling her legs up under her thighs as she leaned against his shoulder. An arm, almost instinctively, curled around her waist and she looked into his eyes, nodding with a small, but still slightly concerned smile. It felt strange, but still better than anything else. She was going somewhere new, far away from the troubles she’d had to deal with in the Commonwealth and even though they hadn’t know each other for long, not at all, it felt safe to be with Jax.   
“How long’s it gonna take? This ride?” Nora asked as she touched her thumb over one of his cheekbones. Jax cocked his head and leaned close to her, his nose touching her cheek as she could feel him breathing in her scent. She touched his curling hair, stroking it back behind his ear as he nipped her throat carefully, the hand on her waist pressing slightly against her skin, as if carefully making sure he was allowed to do so.  
“Couple of hours, I guess”, he shrugged, his lips against the skin of her neck making Nora shiver, but she pressed her hand to his neck, letting him know he could press further against her neck. He began trailing kisses along her skin, and Nora sighed with content as she leaned against his warmth. 

Nothing was being said, but she also knew nothing needed to be said. Their physical closeness had been so natural, from the very start. He’d found her naked to begin with, even seen her chained up naked before that – and he himself, didn’t leave much to the imagination with his tight jeans and ripped up clothes. Every time he bent over, Nora feared she’d get a too close look of his hairy ass, but somehow, his pants always seemed to stay up just enough to cover him, as if they were a law of nature in themselves. She couldn’t understand how pants like that could even stay up, but they did – through everything.   
Feeling his hands carefully trail along her body and her skin, his lips softly sucking and kissing, was so different from everything else she’d been used to from before. She’d had other lovers apart from Nate, but those were short affairs, nothing to really remember. And Nate, had always taken and hardly even given. He took and took, demanding of her to give and to please, to be someone he wanted her to be, not someone _she_ wanted to be.   
Jax, he touched her with such heedfulness, large hands stroking softly and lightly as if she was something fragile, a little rabbit that would at any turn be scared and run off. Perhaps she would, she didn’t know, but she didn’t think she would. He might be a brutal young man, raised in blood and violence, but it was obvious to Nora that Jax had none of the psychopathic tendencies that Nate showed.   
“Jax”, she nudged at him and he looked up at her from her neck, his lips swollen and slightly ajar in a way that made him look almost depraved in the best kind of way. Nora smiled with a blush over her cheekbones and Jax pressed his lips against hers, swallowing her, letting his tongue poke between her lips, and she let him in, fisting her hands in his thick, unruly hair. She changed her position and placed her legs over his, leaning against his shoulder as they continued to kiss, as he pulled her as close to him as possible. 

After some time, their kissing slowed and Jax pecked her lips, before turning over to his loot and the bag he kept with him, containing a few possessions, mainly his, but also the few possessions Nora had. They travelled light and she had stored her things with his, considering she’d lost everything again, when she was sold to Fat Vic, so there wasn’t much to count for. He brought up an inhaler as well as a syringe and then, without a word began preparing to shoot himself up. Nora hadn’t seen him do it before, perhaps he’d somehow snuck off when doing it, or he did it so seldom, she had yet to see it.   
“Why do you do that?” she asked carefully and Jax looked up at her, his eyes strangely pained somehow, devoid of any childishness then.   
“Keeps me goin’”, he murmured, removing the casing of the syringe, “You don’t do it?”   
Nora shook her head and Jax leaned back, looking at her arm, “I can shoot you up, if you want some”, he said, calmly, and then looked up into her eyes again, “It wont make you an addict, using it once in a while. Takes away the hurt, ya know” 

Nora knew about chems, she knew raiders used them – not just raiders, everyone used them. She supposed the syringe contained Med-X, the military name for morphine and she wasn’t stupid enough to not know it was highly addictive. But at the same time, anxiety crawled along her spine at all times, just barely pushed away by Jax’s closeness and his company. If she could only forget for just a second? No, no, she shouldn’t. Though at the same time as she thought it, she heard herself say, “Yes, please… Do it”. Jax grabbed her arm, smacking the skin in the crook of her arm to get her blood vessels to swell and become more visible. Under her pale skin, they rose easily and soon, she felt a small pinch into her skin, as the needle breached her and strained against her tissue. Then he pushed the syringe, letting some of the purple liquid push into her blood stream. A pang of nausea hit her immediately and she felt her head roll back as she sighed deeply. Somewhere close, she heard a soft chuckle and she could feel Jax’s warm hand stroke her skin, soothingly as he placed burning hot, soft kisses on her collarbone.   
“Feelin’ better already, don’t ya, sweetheart?” his voice murmured against her skin and Nora didn’t know if she answered or not, but then his close warmth left her and she rolled her head back, opening her eyes to a soft light surrounding her, like warm sunlight encasing her were she sat on the unbelievably soft train seat. Beside her, Jax sat and he looked so beautiful as he bent over himself, injecting the purple liquid into his arm. Then she watched as he fell back with lidded eyes and a sated smile on his lips.   
“Oh _fuck_ yeah”, he moaned, the syringe still hanging from his arm as his chest went up and down and his adam’s apple bobbing up and down as he swallowed. The tattoos on his neck moving along with every breath and swallow. “We oughta take some Mentats later babe”, he almost whispered with a rasping voice, “Clear our heads before we… Uh… Uh, arrive”   
“Mm”, Nora leaned against his shoulder again and soon, his hand was back, curling around her waist and holding her steady against him. She watched as Jax lifted the inhaler to his lips and puffed it deeply, then he groaned as he closed his eyes. 

Every worry seemed to drain from her mind as she sat there, close to him and his lovely warmth, watching the dry and skeletal-like landscape move outside the train. It seemed as if everything moved a little slower and at first, she needed to fight her nausea, but then, after some time, she didn’t know how long exactly, it faded and she found herself nodding off against Jax. She felt a lightness in her heart, that she hadn’t felt since… Well, ever, or at least that’s what she thought.   
She woke some time later, to Jax’s lips moving against hers. Her blood was still pumping thickly with the morphine and his every touch felt like being touched by heaven and soft, warm sunshine against her. She opened her eyes, and met his large, grey stormy eyes. His pupils were tiny, like little pinpoints as he hovered above her. She reached up and grabbed his soft hair in her hands, bringing his lips back down to hers as she felt his entire weight above her. He ground against her and she answered by pulling her legs up and around his hips, caging him inside her and she felt his hands wander along her body, gracing her hips as he touched her.   
Then, the speaker announced they were getting close to Nuka World and Jax pecked her lips, before he withdrew, still smiling to her.   
“Mentats”, he mumbled as he trailed a line of kisses down between her breasts before rising up and sitting next to her. He seemed to not be in complete control of his movements, but Nora didn’t know if she even wanted to try and sit up, least of all stand up. Something inside her echoed that this, taking the chems, had been a _bad_ idea, but at the same time, she didn’t feel any worry at all. Instead she smiled, sniggering to herself and Jax turned and looked at her, smirking, before he went back to digging through his bag.   
“Open your mouth, honey”, he said when he turned back and Nora bit her lower lip.   
“Why?” she smiled and Jax crawled back on top of her, a smirk on his lips.   
“’Cause I’ve got a present for ya”, he nipped her neck and then kissed her lightly on the lips. “Now, open for me, sweetheart”   
Nora did as he asked and he dropped a pill into her mouth. The pill melted on her tongue, tasting of an almost chemical candy-like taste and after a little while, she felt everything around her enhance, but she felt much more stable. The landscape wasn’t floating as it had before. Jax was still as gorgeous as he always was, but she wasn’t scared to sit up anymore and her mind didn’t feel as numb as it had, though she still felt careless and devoid of her anxiety.   
“What did you give me?” she asked as she sat up and Jax leaned in and kissed her deeply.   
“Need to be sharp for when we arrive”, he answered, packing his things back into his bag. “Mentats ain’t bad, just blocks out the worst parts of the Med-X”   
“Alright”, she said, and as she looked out the windows surrounding them, she could now see the park coming up in front of them. The crackled speaker announced the sights they travelled past, explaining what they were and how the park was built up, as well as old rules Nora was sure wasn’t practiced anymore, considering the park was indeed full of raiders now, and not vacationing families. 

As they stepped out of the train, Nora saw several signs around saying “Gauntlet”, but Jax steered her away from them and they walked down on the tracks and around the station, seemingly walking around a large part of the park. Then, they reached an entrance close to what the announcer on the train had called ‘Fizztop Mountain’. A man in a ridiculous yellow cage over his chest approached them, he only had one eye and looked as filthy as any goddamned raider she’d ever seen. He frowned as he closed in on them, a hand resting on the gun at his hip.   
“Who’re you?” he growled, his face looking brutal as well as his body. He was huge and muscular, but Jax didn’t seem fazed by him and instead, he brought forth his usual cocky smile, stopping a few steps away from the raider, holding Nora back with a careful hand.   
“I’m Jax, looking for Savoy”, he said.   
“Savoy, eh?” the raider said, looking at Jax and Nora with suspicious eyes.   
“Yeah”, Jax crossed his arms over his chest, “He’s my brother”   
“Huh”, the raider said, “Thought you looked familiar, kid, ain’t seen you around for… How long is it, five years?”   
Jax shrugged, “Good to see ya, Gage”, he held his hand out and the raider, Gage, grabbed it and pulled him into one of those half-hugs.  
“You too, kid”, Gage said, “So, who’s the chick? Got yourself hitched?” he asked and looked at Nora, and then back at Jax.   
“Something like it”, Jax smirked, “Now, where’s Savoy?”


	13. Cockblocker Blues

It was difficult not letting his mind take over, not letting go of all his regulations and principles – those keeping him appearing at least slightly sane in this insane world. Nothing fucking helped, nothing could sate the anger he felt. She’d fucking gotten away, _again_. The first time, he’d let her – but this time, she’d just fucking snuck away and left him, as if disappearing into thin air. None had seen anything, heard _any fucking thing_ and that fact enraged him most. There was only talk of some fucking punk kid killing one of the eastern raider bosses, Fat Vic – but other than that, every other report was quiet, especially quiet about a lone woman wandering around alone. Where the fuck had she gone off to?   
Nate sighed and frowned as a blonde bitch bounced up and down in his lap, moaning and stroking her filthy hands over his chest, trying to look as seducing as possible. Yeah, the friction kept his cock hard, but other than that? It wasn’t very good as far as distractions came. Her tits were large and round and could possibly two of the best he’d seen so far, aside from… _Fuck_ , could she just stop itching her way into his goddamned head?   
Nate snarled and pushed the whore off of him. She fell to the floor with a yelp and covered herself up in shock as he pulled his pants up and buttoned them, his upper lip twitching.   
“What the hell?” she hissed and Nate looked down on her with harsh eyes, which immediately made her close her thin, pink lips and look away from him.   
“Get out”, he said calmly as he reached for his gun. He needed to make sure it still worked properly. Gun maintenance was something most idiots forgot about, but vital to staying alive out there. A malfunctioning gun was pretty much like asking to loose a fire-fight.   
“Wha-“, she crawled up on her knees, still holding an arm over her large tits, “I… I thought you liked it”. Nate sneered and tested cocking his gun without looking at her. “Did I do something wrong?” she almost seemed to beg. Highly unattractive, that.   
“Yeah, so now _fuck off_ ”, Nate snarled and bore his emerald eyes into the bitch’s brown hues. She seemed to get her breath caught in her throat, but then she quickly grabbed her clothes and left him alone. Nate sighed as he worked the gun over, scratching his crotch as it itched from the moisture still lingering there from the bitch. 

 

Coming to Nuka World, was like entering a huge filthy orgy of sex, blood and drugs. Nora had grown up in a middle class family in a suburb of Boston, and of course she’d seen her fair share of drugs and other such things, but never as close as this. During her time spent in this world, after the war, she’d come to know that drugs flowed freely and the general morals of people were low, if they even existed. But being in a large amusement park ruled by three raider gangs, was like nothing she’d ever experienced before.   
After Gage had brought her and Jax to the Disciples, the gang to whom Savoy, who happened to be Jax’s brother, belonged, they had been introduced to Nisha and a few other raiders. It didn’t take long until a huge guy, the overboss, came on down to see who these newcomers where. All the while, Nora just stood as if paralyzed, watching all the blood and gore around her. If she’d thought the drug den to which Jax had taken her their first night together was dirty and depraved, it was nothing compared to this. They even had goddamned slaves here.   
Nora kept close to Jax’s lanky body as they walked around the Disciples part of the park, and eventually settled down in a somewhat cozy little house inside the large house where everyone in the gang lived. Savoy was a weirdo, Nora thought, though, he seemed to be a hell of a lot better than the gang’s leader, Nisha. She was a full bloodied psycho from the looks of it, and Nora thought Nate would like her. Or he would absolutely despise her, because they were so much alike. 

After another hour, they were all sitting down, the overboss – Colter – having joined them. Jax and Savoy spoke about something Nora didn’t exactly register, as she had made sure Jax injected her with some more morphine. Now, she lay half nodding off between his legs, resting with her back against his chest. Apparently, they all thought she and Jax were married – neither of them had protested, and Nora felt that as long as it kept her close to Jax, it was all good and well.   
She felt his hand stroke her stomach inside her too large t-shirt and she smiled to herself, the world once again floating so marvelously around, euphoric and just beautiful. When she opened her eyes, she meet the shining blue eyes of Colter, the overboss, who watched her with an intrigued smirk on his face. Nora bit her lower lip as she reached up and cradled Jax’s neck in her hand. She felt his breath on her cheek as he leaned in close to her, whispering into her ear.   
“He’s been watching you for a while”, he said, kissing her earlobe and tightening his hold around her waist, “Not that I’m possessive or anythin’, but just watch your back, yeah?”   
Nora sniggered and broke her eye contact with Colter and looked up at Jax, smirking, “He’s got nothing on you”, she whispered against his lips, before she reached her tongue out and licked his lower lip. Jax caught her lips between his teeth and sucked on it, before closing his lips around hers. He wasn’t nearly as high as she was, but the kisses were wet and sloppy and just completely intoxicating. They stirred a fiery feeling in her lower abdomen and Nora whined into his mouth. “I need you, Jax”, she whispered against his lips and she could feel him smirk as the heat of his breath touched her lips.   
“Ain’t fucking you when you’re this high, sweetheart”, he murmured and Nora heard a chuckle to the side of her. Jax turned towards the chuckle and smacked Savoy over his arm, before returning to her and raking his hand through her hair, “Just rest for a while, yeah? We’ll stay with Savoy for tonight”, he said and Nora nodded, her eyes rolling back into her skull. “Hey, hey”, Jax lifted her chin and smacked her cheek lightly, “Ain’t overdosing, are ya?”   
“ _No_ ”, Nora whined and smacked his hand away, which elicited a smirk from him, “Just tired”   
“Let me know if you need anything, baby girl”, Jax said and held her tighter against him.   
Nora eventually nodded off into a blissful sleep, sleeping sounder and more deeply than she had done in years. 

The junk she had Jax shooting up into her blocked out all the filth, the public fucking and the seriously massive amount of blood covering every little corner of the Disciples HQ, however, they did not help with taking care of the awful headache she woke up with the next morning. Hung over didn’t even begin to describe what she felt as she wiped the drool away from the corner of her mouth and looked up and around through squinting eyes. Below her, to her side, Jax lay sleeping deeply, drooling onto his arm and his other arm and hand was tucked into his pants, holding on to his dick. Nora couldn’t help but to snigger slightly to herself at the sight of him. He was one of the sexier men she’d ever laid eyes on, but like this – he was so boyish she was almost ashamed and feft like a lecherous cradle snatcher, even though she hadn’t even slept with him yet. They were taking it slower than upper middle class teenagers.   
She rubbed her eyes as she sat up and looked around. A bit further away, Savoy lay sleeping, some woman draped all over him, clad only in a thin t-shirt, showing off half her ass. Savoy was sleeping in his leather pants, but Nora noticed they were open. Right, well, at least she’d slept through that, thankfully enough.   
“Oi”, an armored head peaked inside the small hut and Nora turned towards it, “Nisha wants to see you”   
“Huh?” Nora squinted and tousled her hair, “Me?”   
“Yeah, you”, the woman said, “Who the fuck to you think I’m talking to? Get up and go see her”   
“But-“, Nora tried, but the woman interrupted her again.   
“She ain’t a woman known for her patience, so, get the fuck going”   
Nora’s eyes widened and she nodded, then looking down at Jax. She pushed him slightly and he groaned, burying his head deeper into his bicep, smearing his drool out. 

“Jax, baby”, Nora poked him, but he didn’t respond. She tried smacking him lightly over the face, and when she finally decided to use some force, his eyes cracked open and those stormy greys looked up at her, narrowed and his beautifully shaped eyebrows knitted.   
“The fuck?” he rasped, immediately reached up and wiping away his drool. “Oh, hell, sorry baby”, he looked her over with sleepy eyes. “What’s up?”   
“Nisha’s asked for me”, she whispered and Jax cocked an eyebrow and nodded.   
“Huh”, he looked up at her, “So?”  
“She wants to see me”  
“Well, head on up there then”, he lay on his back, scratching his stomach.   
“What, alone?” Nora looked at him with concerned eyes and Jax seemed to pick up on it as he looked back at her.   
“I don’t think you have anything to worry about, sweetheart”, he said, “It’s easy enough to see your potential, ya know”   
“My what?” Nora snorted, “She’s only seen me cower behind you, and then high off my ass”   
Jax sat up and caught Nora’s head between his hands, stroking her cheekbones with his thumbs, “Hey, there’s a lot about you that you don’t see yourself. Just trust me, go talk to her. I doubt she’ll kill you”   
“You _doubt_?” Nora looked at him with incredulous eyes and Jax chuckled and leaned in to kiss her. Then he shooed her away and Nora pulled on her pants, before she sauntered out of the small hut, not even sure where she was going to begin with. 

Looking around where she was in a sober state, didn’t do much to insure her that Nisha wouldn’t fucking kill her. The eyes following her as she walked weren’t exactly hostile, but they weren’t friendly either. After a while, she decided it was best to approach someone and ask where Nisha was. The Disciple she asked sneered at her, but then eventually told her to go up the stairs, until she reached the top, and then pointed to a high set of stairs leading so far up, Nora could hardly see where it ended.   
When she reached the end, she hesitantly walked over to the house and peaked in. Inside, Nisha sat with a young woman lying to her left, stroking her hand along Nisha’s thigh.   
“There you are”, the psychopathic woman said in a stern voice and waved for Nora to come in. “You took your goddamned time”   
“I’m sorry”, Nora blurted out, nowhere near to as confident as she wished she could be.   
Nisha made a disgusted voice and then dragged her hand through the hair of the woman lying next to where she sat. “So, I asked you up here ‘cause I need you to answer a few questions”, Nisha said through her mask, “I’ve met Jax before and he’s a good kid, and even though I’d let him vouch for ya, I like to get to know all my prospects personally”   
“Prospects?” Nora’s voice faltered and she could practically feel Nisha’s gaze right through her at that.   
“What? You thinking of joining some other fucking gang, are ya?” the woman hissed and Nora frowned, biting her lower lip.   
“No, no… I-“, she almost stammered, “I haven’t even thought-“   
“You can’t just meander in here, thinking you don’t need to lift your weight to the group”, Nisha sneered and the woman beside her chuckled darkly. Nora felt herself curl up into herself, she really had no idea what to even begin to think about. “Jax is the brother of one of my closest men, he won’t join another gang, and as far as I know, you have some connection to the kid, haven’t you? Either way, contribute, or get the fuck out”, Nisha said and Nora swallowed.   
“Whaddya want me to do?” Nora asked carefully and Nisha laughed. It was a hollow and frightening laugh, and Nora couldn’t help but to tense up even further.   
“I want your loyalty, not your cunt”, Nisha said, laying her hand flat on her knee, palm up, “I get what Jax sees in ya, I do. And I’m willing to give ya a shot, just don’t fucking screw it up”   
Nora nodded and then stood up, beginning to move towards the door, leading her out again.   
“Hey, wait”, Nisha said and Nora stopped, looking back over her shoulder, “Toughen up, yeah? Don’t rely on Jax for protection. He’s a good kid, but he’s also a man. You get me?”   
Nora nodded, “Yeah”   
“Good”, Nisha huffed, “Now run along”, and Nora did. 

At least, the drugs did work and Nora soon found herself high on Jet as she ate some lukewarm beans for breakfast, whilst Jax and Savoy sat hissing to each other for reasons unknown to Nora. The woman sleeping over Savoy sat right across from Nora and cast her strange looks every now and again. Nora supposed she was pretty, her hair auburn and skin pale and freckled. She hadn’t asked for her name, nor had she asked for Nora’s. Jax hadn’t prodded her on what Nisha had said, instead, he’d pulled Nora down into his lap where he, Savoy, the girl and a few other sat, eating and some of them already drinking. Jax had offered Nora an inhaler of Jet, and she hadn’t even thought twice about it, before she pressed it against her lips and sucked in the horrid puffs. Soon, her nerves were calm and she felt so much more secure as she began scooping beans into her mouth.   
She got what Nisha was saying to her, she really did, but she also wasn’t completely sure she was ready to go somewhere without Jax at the moment. As soon as she had him within her reach, she felt secure, like she could do anything, and if that’s what she needed right now, she didn’t at all feel like denying herself his company. 

 

Being woken up by his woman slapping him in the face, was something new to Jax. Had he really begun to think of Nora as _his_ woman? He huffed as he watched her walk out of the little hut. On the other side of the hut, Savoy slept with that bitch draped all over him. Jax had to fall asleep to the sound of them fucking, all the while Nora lay snoring in his arms, pressed tightly against him. She’d given him blue balls for close to two weeks by now and even though he didn’t complain about her hardly leaving his side, the fact that Nisha called for her, left Jax with some well deserved alone time. His cock strained in his pants and he quickly shot Savoy and the whore a glance, before he unbuttoned his pants and brought his hard dick out, hissing as he stroked it. He closed his eyes and imagined Nora on top of him, her naked, lush body bouncing up and down, her tits swaying and her long, dark hair curling against her pale skin.   
He needed to take care of this quickly, he had no fucking idea how long Nisha would need to speak to her, and he didn’t want her to come back to seeing him jerking off. He increased the pace of his hand, rubbing his foreskin back and using his pre cum as slick as he twisted his hand over the head of his cock. Soon, the pent up feelings inside him loosened and he could feel the beginnings of his orgasm surge up from his balls and shooting out through his body. With a sharp inhale, he shot his seed over his stomach, feeling his entire body relax as he jerked the last cum out of his cock. When he opened his eyes, the goddamned bastard Savoy sat on the bed looking at him with a smug smirk on his lips.   
“The fuck dude? What kind of pervert are ya?” Jax hissed and quickly wiped himself off and closed his pants.   
“You seriously haven’t fucked her yet?” he cocked a brow and chuckled smugly. “Man, she’s a fine piece of ass, I mean, if you ain’t gonna go for it, I might as we-“   
“Fuck off”, Jax hissed and sat up, “Keep your deceased dick away from her”   
“Wow”, Savoy held his hands up, “My dick’s perfectly fine, brother”, he chuckled, “Unfortunately, I didn’t inherit that pretty face of yours, and she clings to you like a leech, anyway”   
Jax huffed and rubbed his hands over his face, “Yeah, just don’t-“, he sighed, “Don’t say that to her… She's a-“   
“What?” Savoy frowned, looking at Jax with his harsh grey eyes.   
“She’s been through some shit, like, fucked up shit”   
“Who hasn’t?” Savoy shrugged.   
“Hey, dude”, Jax cast him a harsh look, “Remember Fat Vic?” Savoy nodded with a cocked brow, “Yeah, I found her when he’d bought her, as a slave. Had to get her out from that piece of shit. Ended up offing him”   
“You killed him?” Savoy stilled and just watched him and Jax nodded.   
“Had to”, he said, “Couldn’t just let the bastard rape her, ya know. She didn’t deserve it”   
“Fucking bleeding heart”, Savoy sneered, but then shrugged, “Well, I see why, ya know, but still. Killing Fat Vic, that’s bad brother”   
“He deserved it”, Jax frowned, snarling as he put a cigarette between his lips and lit it quickly, blowing smoke out before him. Savoy shrugged and nodded. “And it’s not only   
‘cause she’s a fine piece of ass, you scumbag, no one deserves that shit. You know that as well as I do”   
“Oh, for fuck’s sake, don’t bring that shit up”, Savoy stood up and paced around.   
“Ain’t bringing shit up, but you asked, alright?” Jax hissed, chewing on the butt of his cigarette.   
“Guess that’s why you ain’t fucked her yet?” Savoy chuckled, “Is it because of you or her?”   
“You’re a fucking moron, you know that right?” Jax stood and walked over, punching Savoy, who caught his arm with a smirk.   
“Hey, calm down little brother, I get ya, I do”   
“Then fucking act like it, fucking animal”, Jax hissed.   
“Fine”, Savoy held his hands up, “Fine, forget I said anything”   
Jax sneered and walked out of the hut, deciding to find somewhere else to wait for Nora to return.


	14. Earning

_He’s also a man. You get me?_ Nisha had said and Nora heard the words go over and over in her head. Yeah, she got it, got it so damn good. The time she had spent away from Nate the first time around, had served to build her up from the pushed down state she was in when they had first gotten out of the vault. Since she had met Nate and they had gotten married, he had controlled practically everything, and if he didn’t have control, her father did instead. The time she’d tried to leave Nate when Ally died, her own goddamned _father_ had brought her back into the grasp of that tyrant and her mother had just watched, not saying anything and instead choosing to stand idly by.   
Jax wasn’t like Nate, it was obvious and Nora didn’t worry about him trying to steer her, or try to dominate her. It was obvious he enjoyed stronger women, the way he looked up to Nisha and, the fact that he made it clear to Nora what he saw in her. It wasn’t just her pretty face, even though he admitted it was what had dragged him in to begin with, but he saw something else in her and he urged her to realize it too. 

“You’re tougher than you look, sweetheart”, he murmured as they sat outside the Disciple’s HQ, sipping beer and watching some commotion taking place further away. After having spent a few days in the park, Nora noticed it was calmer than she first thought it would be, but raiders being raiders, meant every now and again, something happened and someone got pissed or insulted, which resulted in a brawl. Mostly the brawls were between the Disciples and the Pack, the two most violent gangs, whilst the Operators kept out of the way, instead focusing on caps and prostitution.   
“Mm”, Nora nodded and then squinted as she looked up at Jax. He’d shaved and the lack of facial hair showed how young he really was, but by now, Nora was getting used to the thought of him being as young as he was and it didn’t bother her as much. What was so wrong about it anyway? It was common for men to be with much younger women, so why should she feel bothered about Jax being younger? He was grown, at least by pre-war standards, and according to the standards post-war, he’d been grown for a long time. 

“Hey, Nora”, Savoy sauntered out from the large building behind them, “Nish wants you, c’mon”, he said and waved at her.   
“Alright”, Nora nodded and rose, touching Jax’s thigh on her way and his large warm hand touched hers for a moment, before she walked off, following Savoy inside.   
He lead her up to Nisha and then hung back as Nora walked in and sat down before the gang leader. When she spoke, she sounded as bored as she usually did, but Nora had spoken some more to her after their initial conversation and now, she found herself relaxing slightly more in the volatile woman’s company.   
“…An errand I need you to do for me”, Nisha spoke, her mouth only showing as she spoke, “Talk to Savoy, he’ll go with you to make sure everything goes as planned”   
“What do you want me to do?” Nora frowned, casting a suspicious glance back at Savoy, who nodded for her to continue looking at Nisha instead of him.   
“Just slip the collar on, and bring the fucker back here”, she said and Nora almost thought she could see a small smile on the frightening woman.   
“Uh, yeah, sure”, Nora said.   
“Savoy!” Nisha waved the tall raider over, “Suit her up and make sure she has a good knife, can’t have her walking around looking like... Uh, whatever _this_ ”, she pointed and made a circle with her finger at Nora, “…Is”   
Nora huffed and then stood up, walking out with Savoy. 

She was to retrieve a slave, or, more or less catch a slave, as it were. Nora wasn’t sure how she felt about it, but never the less, she did as told and followed Savoy over to a hidden backroom, containing armor. Many of them were filthy and drenched in dried blood, obviously having been stripped off of corpses, not even mended or washed in between. Savoy didn’t seem to care as he asked her to strip, while he dug through the heaps of clothes. Nora only snorted to begin with, but then he turned and peered at her through his spikey helmet with stern eyes.   
Nora sighed loudly but then did as she was told, and soon enough, two pair of disgusting trousers was thrown her way and she tested one of the pairs, finding them perfectly tight, but uncomfortably low cut on her hips. Savoy turned and looked at her and Nora quickly covered her bust up and she seethed at Savoy’s smug smirk, but then he shoved a piece of cloth in her free hand, “Bind your tits with this”, he mumbled and then turned around again. Nora did as told, and she had seen how the other women had bound their breasts with similar pieces of fabric and tried her best to replicate it.   
“Like this?” she asked, and Savoy looked her over, nodding lightly.   
“Sure”, he said, “Try jumping around a little, see if it holds ‘em in place. If not, you need to wrap it tighter”   
Nora scowled but moved around a bit, and found she indeed needed to tighten the hold slightly. When she’d done so, he asked for her shoe size and quickly set a pair of military issued boots in front of her along with a pair of socks. Nora almost moaned as she took the socks and looked them over. They were hand-knitted, soft and without any holes, and she easily put them on, then stuck her feet into the boots. They were worn and had a few cracks and holes in them, but they fit. When Savoy seemed satisfied everything she wore was good and fitted her, he knelt and started wrapping her boots with dark tape, securing them to her feet and blocking any holes. He also wrapped her legs at the knees, and up her thighs, almost as if using boxing tape to create a cheap sort of armor. Nora didn’t ask, but then he pressed one of the typical helmets on her head that they all wore. This one was a simple kind, shielding her eyes and nose, leaving the lips exposed. Over the helmet, he wrapped a scarf, collecting her loose hair and at the same time shielding her shoulders from the harsh sun outside. Her stomach was still highly exposed, but it seemed as if that was intentional. Only a few of the Disciples had armor covering their stomachs, and from what Nora had gathered, a majority of them was men. Perhaps it was some kind of tribal thing? Savoy looked her over and seemed pleased. Then he grabbed a knife and pushed another pack of tape into her hands, then motioning for her to follow him out from the room. He set off to another corner of the large building, finding a Disciple working at a weapon bench. At Savoy’s approach, the Disciple quickly scattered and Savoy spent some time sharpening the knife, before giving it to Nora.   
“Know how to use one?” he asked and Nora nodded.   
“Yeah, used to have a combat knife”, she said.   
“Uh huh”, he said and then held her hand out as she gripped the knife, “This is slightly more complicated, but not by much, yeah? The blade is larger, but also heavier. That means you need to use more strength when using it, though, the blade is a lot sharper than any combat knife, making the blade volatile but also more precise when properly used. Once you know how to hold it securely in your hand and use it, it’s more effective than any other fucking blade”   
“Alright”, Nora said, “Do you have any practice dummies?”   
Savoy smirked, “No”, he said, “But we’re heading out for some”  
Nora scowled as she looked at him, but then she sheathed the knife in a holster on her thigh. Before she and Savoy headed out, she was able to return to the hut where she and Jax stayed and bring a gun with her, just in case. Most Disciples fought only with their knives, but Nora wasn’t even close to being that good with a knife, so she preferred the security of a gun, in case she’d need it. She also soon found that Savoy carried a rifle himself, as they were about to set out. 

Jax smirked with satisfaction as he saw her walk out with Savoy. He still wore his usual clothes, the black set up he had being so similar to the armor the Disciples wore, he hadn’t needed to change. He’d been given one of those helmets, but he seldom wore it, claiming it itched. He did, however, use the scarf most of them wore and Nora thought it framed his face in a nice way, along with all the other trinkets and piercings he had, his wild hair just poking out from under it.   
“You look like a killer, honey”, he mused with a smirk as he looked up at her, his long slim legs stretched out before him as he leaned back on his elbows.   
“And you look like a sunbathing cat”, Nora sneered under her helmet. She was already feeling the sweat running down her neck under the helmet and scarf, but Jax’s smile was so damned contagious, she couldn’t help but to twist her lips slightly.   
“Hey”, Jax flickered a finger at her, “Behave and I’ll have something for ya when you get back”, he smirked and Nora rolled her eyes. Goddamned kid, he was lucky she liked him as much as she did.   
“Oi, lovebirds”, Savoy sighed from behind her, “C’mon, we’re loosing time”   
Nora kicked at Jax’s boot as he stretched lazily on the ground before her and before she turned, he winked at her with another smirk.   
“See ya later, sweetheart”, he said and Nora turned and walked over to Savoy, soon setting out. 

They headed out towards a small settlement a two-hour walk from Nuka World. Whoever had been stupid enough to settle so close to a huge raider encampment, more or less asked for trouble, Nora thought as Savoy told her about their mission. Fetching a slave, it sounded easy enough, even though it felt bad to Nora, the mere idea of it. But this was what they did, wasn’t it? They had done the exact same thing to her before, and she silently wondered what she was going to do, if it was a child? Or a young woman? Would she be able to go through with it. What were they going to do with the slave? She knew they had all kinds of uses for slaves in Nuka World, everything from traders to prostitutes were slaves they had caught and brought back. 

Of course, seeing as it was Nisha who’d asked her to do it, it wasn’t a woman they were getting. Apart from the other gangs of Nuka World, the Disciples were as close to a matriarchy that you could come. Nisha ruled with an iron fist and the Disciples consisted of a majority of women, as apposed to the Pack, where an Alfa, Mason, dominated the gang – or the Operators, who just used anyone they felt befitting.   
Nora and Savoy lay crouched behind a shed, watching the small settlement and its people walk around, going about their own business. They had no security what so ever, which was pretty pathetic even to Nora’s standards. What part of the Wasteland had they come from, not thinking of adding some sizable security?   
Savoy motioned for the pack of tape he had given her before they left, and he quickly helped her wrap her hands with it, shielding her knuckles, before he did the same to his own, fastening metal knuckles to his own with the tape. Nora then peaked up again, watching the settlement, before she decided to take off her helmet. Savoy looked at her with stern eyes, questioning what she was doing. Nora mouthed a “Trust me”, before she rose and walked out from their hiding, strolling in to the small settlement. 

“Hey, stop right there”, a male voice shouted and Nora smiled, holding her hands up. The feeling of the soft desert winds in her hair was lovely after having been shut inside the metal helmet for several hours. “Who are you? What do you want? We don’t want any trouble!”   
“I mean no harm”, Nora answered, “Just looking to trade”   
“You think we’re idiots?!” the man shouted back, “You ain’t wearing no helmet, but I can see you’s a raider!”   
“You’re not wrong”, Nora shouted back, “But I’m on the run, just need some supplies. I got caps to pay you for your trouble”   
There was silence for a while and Nora waited for their answer, and soon enough, a man came forth with a large machete in his hand. He looks to be just a few years older than Nora and wore worn out farmer’s clothes without shoes on his feet. Nora wiped sweat from her brow before reaching her hand out in a greeting.   
“Whaddya want? Ain’t got much”, the man looked at her with suspicion. He looked malnourished, pale and his eyes were red and strained.   
“I’m not picky”, Nora smiled modestly as she squeezed his offered hand.   
“Alright”, the man nodded, looking around Nora. He reminded her of a drug addict, as he was shaky and seemed paranoid, his eyes flickering around her. “C’mon with me”   
Nora followed him inside and she could practically feel Savoy’s eyes brandishing her back as she walked away. He was probably swearing under his breath as Nora walked away out of his sight. She entered a house with the man, and was at first stunned by the awful smell inside, speaking of rotting meat and just… Death. If she thought the Disciples HQ smelled from all the blood and body-parts lying around, it was nothing compared to the smell of decomposition inside the small, dark house.   
“What’s that smell?” Nora inquired and the man just chuckled slightly, before he whipped around with the large machete in his hand, his toothless smile burning into Nora.   
“Oh, you wandered into the wrong settlement, raider fuck”, the man wheezed, his pale eyes looking like those of a madman. “But you’re fat, aren’t you? Got some good meat on them bones”   
_Oh, fuck_ , Nora backed up against the wall behind her, just staring at the man for a moment, before she shook herself out of her paralysis, just in time to catch his arm, aiming for her throat. She kneed him in the crotch, which threw him off for a second and Nora tried to get a hold of the slave collar stashed in her pocket. The man threw himself at her again and caught Nora’s bicep with his filthy machete, cutting into her flesh and she yelped before biting his arm and holding him off. The man screamed as her teeth bit into his flesh and she could taste the bitterness of copper in her mouth, his warm blood pouring from his punctured skin. She was able to rip up the slave collar and then, by some force of will and luck, snatch it onto his throat and closing it. The man screamed and grabbed the collar as it tightened around his throat by itself and then started blinking, pacifying him. Nora flopped down on the floor, breathing deeply and wiping her brow again, smearing sweat and blood over her face. 

“Goddamned cannibal”, she shook her head, “You belong to the Disciples now, prick”   
The man snarled but sat on the floor in front of her, looking forlorn. After another pause to catch her breath, she wiped the blood off of her arm and stood up, pulling the man up from the floor and pushing him outside. There, Savoy met her with an incredulous look on what Nora could she of his face and his arms crossed over his chest.   
“What the fuck happened to ya?” Savoy said and looked her over, before looking at the slave with a disgusted snarl. Then he grabbed her arm, looking at the bleeding gash, “Gonna need Mackenzie to look at that when we get back, huh?”   
“Sure”, Nora nodded.   
“Good job, either way”, Savoy said and patted her on her shoulder. “Just gonna see if he’s got something of worth before we leave. He ain’t living here alone, so the other settlers might come back soon, so we gotta hurry if we ain’t gonna slaughter the whole bunch of ‘em”   
“Fucking raider fucks”, the man wheezed and glared at Savoy and Nora. Savoy just turned to the man and punched him straight in the face, breaking his nose easily with the strong knuckles on his hands.   
“Did you know they’re cannibals?” Nora looked at the now bleeding man, before turning to Savoy.   
“No shit?” Savoy chuckled, “Disgusting shit, that”, he looked at the man before turning towards the house, “Wait here, I’ll be right back”   
“Sure”, Nora nodded, holding her hand over her gun as she stood watching the man. 

It didn’t take Savoy long before he stumbled out of the house, heaving, but with a sack filled with trinkets. They quickly left the small settlement and made their way back to Nuka World. Savoy seemed satisfied to have found some chems inside the house and he amused himself by kicking the caught cannibal every now and then, making him fall helplessly into the mud. Nora huffed some Jet on the way, easing the pain from the gash in her arm, as well as the disgust she felt reeking off of her, from just being inside that goddamned house. 

 

Jax had a fucking ace day, basking in the sun and sipping beer together with a few other Disciples. He’d gone on some drug-runs during the days they had been here and now had a well-deserved day where he could just rest and do nothing at all. Nisha had sent Nora out on some job along with Savoy, and even though he felt some worry clinch inside him, he pushed it away, knowing Nora could fucking hold her own. Damn, he’d seen enough feisty women in his life to know they could be vicious and goddamned tough. Nora had this fucking amazing obstinate thing about her, that just shone through her eyes, that she didn’t seem to realize herself, but he’d seen it. He’d seen it the first time he saw her, hanging from those chains, and how those dark amber eyes followed Fat Vic around, gleaming with disgust and a fight in them few had. She could look so fragile with her small statue, but he knew it was deceiving, ‘cause she was anything but. Damn, he’d never met a woman like her before in his life and when he’d seen her, he’d just known. He thought it was just his fucking drugged up brain fucking him around, but when he began to get to know her, he knew he’d never want anyone else. She wasn’t _his_ , like that. He wasn’t some possessive fuck, needing to claim her – he just didn’t want to be without her. He found himself missing her closeness when she was away, or when he was away from her. His stomach fucking fluttered like a damned girl when he saw her, and his nerves didn’t calm completely until he could touch her pristine, pale skin, or taste her full, lush lips against his own. Damn, she turned him into a little bitch, didn’t she? And as fucked up as it were, he _liked_ it. 

When he saw Savoy’s armor in the distance, along with what looked a lot like Nora’s swaying hips, both of them taking turns in kicking some poor fucker in front of them, his nerves stilled again and he huffed some Jet, leaning back down against the back of the chair he was sitting in. She’d done good, of course she had. He hadn’t really worried, his leg hadn’t jumped impatiently – fuck that. But when they closed in on him, his face fell, getting a look at the bloody mess that was Nora that appeared before him.   
“The fuck happened?” he rose from his chair, swaying slightly as he grabbed a hold of Nora’s shoulder and the arm bearing a gaping gash, blood crusted and still flowing slightly. He pushed off her helmet and looked into her eyes, but was met by calm amber and raven locks, slicked with sweat. She reached up and touched his cheek with a small smile on her beautiful lips and before he thought about what he did, he crashed his lips against hers. Nora kissed him back, curling her fingers into his hair under the scarf he wore.   
“It’s nothing”, she said when they pulled apart and Jax frowned, feeling like a fidgeting bitch as he looked her over, feeling for cuts and swells.   
“The fuck is wrong with ya, kid?” Savoy grinned and Jax threw him an annoyed look, before turning back to Nora.   
“Gotta get that shit checked out”, he looked at the gash on her arm.   
“Mm”, Nora smiled, “Mackenzie, was it?” she said and looked to Savoy. Savoy nodded, before grabbing the slave by the hair and dragging him inside the HQ.   
“Seems you did good, though”, Jax said and snaked his arm around her waist, feeling himself relax as she leaned in against him, “Come on, baby, I’ll follow you to the doc”   
“Thanks”, Nora looked up at him, and he leaned down and smelled her hair as they walked towards the market.


	15. Right Here, In My Arms

You would have thought that living with a whole theme park of raiders, every night was a party, and in some ways it was – but there were special occasions when the leaders of all the gangs got together with the Overboss and threw these huge parties. Of course, it was only a way to keep the gangs in line and prevent them from start killing each other on a larger scale than they already did.  
It was strange seeing all the gangs blending together, but surprisingly enough, it went more smoothly than you’d think. Alcohol always turned people aggressive, though the drugs flowing in equal amount to the alcohol, suppressed the aggression, limiting the fights to be only such people betted money on.  
Nora stood leaned against a broken wall with Jax’s arm curled around her neck as they watched one of those exact fights. Drunken brawls were going on all around them, but the spirits around them were high. They had now been in Nuka World for three weeks and Nora had begun to like the life they lived there. The filth and the surprising amount of raw violence that surrounded raiders was something she had to get used to, but she found herself relaxing around it, easily holding her own against someone wanting to challenge her for some reason or other. Her short height and quickness worked to her advantage in most instances and Nisha had sent her out on more jobs during the past weeks, earning her a good status within the Disciples. Nora still found their bloody hobbies a bit too strong for her stomach, though aside from that, she found herself at a loss for complaints. Nisha was a fair leader, rewarding those deserving of it and punishing those who failed to adhere to her orders. Jax mostly kept to running drugs around the park and doing the odd job for Nisha, whenever she needed it. Nora also recognized that he was kind of lazy, as most raiders were, but he was adamant in taking care of her, just as he had been from the start of them meeting. Though, it was obvious he had no need to work his way up the ladder, he got a shortcut just by being Savoy’s brother, though it didn’t take away from the fact that Jax was one of their best earners, as well as vicious beyond words with his knife. But he was lazy, there was no denying that. 

People all around them screamed and shouted, drunk off their asses as they staggered around, and Nora leaned in close to Jax, his other arm curling around her waist and encasing her completely in his arms. She leaned back and turned her head, meeting his lips easily, exchanging wet and languid kisses in their little corner of the fighting arena, mainly used for the Gauntlet, but also for fights between the raiders. Nora let go of his lips and looked up into his stormy eyes, stroking his curls away as they fell into his face, then she grabbed the hand at her waist and tugged.  
“Come”, she said quietly and Jax leaned in against her, that childish smirk on his lips as he ground against her, his breath hot against her cheek and neck. He entwined their fingers, and easily allowed himself to be led away, surrounded by the dull darkness around them, as the other raiders shouted and cheered, drunken and high of their asses. 

Nora easily zigzagged around the bodies and soon, they found themselves inside a small backroom, Jax closing the door behind him and then standing there, looking at Nora with his stormy eyes more focused than she’d seen them in a long time. An old light bulb gleamed and ticked above them, emanating a yellow, dim light, pronouncing their shadows more than anything. A soft concoction of drugs pumped through Nora’s blood as she leaned back against the wall behind her, her chest moving up and down with deep breaths, as she took all of Jax in, from where he stood in front of her, just a few feet away. The scarf he wore around his head pooled around his shoulders and in the shadowy darkness around them, the tattoos all over his body slivered over his skin like a beautiful disease spreading and covering all of him. In the summer heat, he only wore a too large, ripped up wife beater over his chest, in a murky green color, with stains from blood and his own sweat, and Nora saw the loose fabric clinging to his skin from the sweat and the sight alone sent shivers down her spine. He was possibly the most beautiful man she’d ever seen. It didn’t matter if he didn’t have the clean, sharp features that Nate possessed. It didn’t matter that he wasn’t as ripped and tightly muscled. Jax was just so fucking perfect in his own right, and she couldn’t think of someone she’d ever wanted more than him in her entire life. Before, only Nate had been able to make her crave someone like this, but now, Nate was the last thing on her mind.  
She reached back and began to undo the piece of fabric containing her breasts, and as it fell to the ground, her tits jumping out, she could see Jax physically twitch as his eyes quickly fell to her chest.  
“Damn”, he breathed and the sound of his breathless voice sent spikes of burning pleasure straight to her cunt.  
“Will you fuck me now?” Nora asked as she looked up at him, and before she could even take another breath, he was on her, his lips searing against hers, wet and frantic as he palmed her heavy breasts, pushing her against the wall. He ground his crotch against her and Nora felt his erection against her lower stomach, and she reached in between then, unclasping his belt and sticking a hand down his pants, directly coming in contact with a large, hard cock. Jax growled against her lips and bit down on her lower lip, making Nora whine as she swept her tongue over his upper lip.  
“Aw, fuck”, Jax groaned as he bent his head and licked her throat, pressing his cock against her palm. “You sure you want this, baby girl? Ain’t no rush, ya know”  
“Damn you, Jax”, Nora fisted her other hand in his hair, “I need you”  
A needy whine came from Jax’s throat as he sucked the skin of her neck, before he pushed away from her and then reached out to unbutton her pants, pulling them down her hips.  
“Fuck, you’re gorgeous”, he got down on his knees and kissed her stomach, tailing kisses all over her, down her navel and over the silvery stretchmarks. Nora leaned her head back, not giving a shit about how her body looked, only enjoying his mouth on her and his hands stroking up and own her hips, back over her ass and squeezing her flesh. His lips reached her mound and Nora drew in a sharp breath as Jax chuckled against her, his tongue easily finding its way in between her folds, just flicking the tip of his tongue against her clit. Nora fisted one of her hands in his hair, and steadied herself against the wall with the other.  
“Oh, god”, she moaned, spreading her legs a bit further as Jax dove in between her thighs, his wet tongue licking against her cunt, like a man starving. She was already so wet she thought she was going to drench him, but he only moaned against her, the vibrations of his voice sending sparks through her.  
“Gotta get your pants off, baby”, Jax hissed and bit into the flesh of her thigh as he pulled away from her cunt. “Can’t fucking reach properly”  
Nora crouched down and they both worked frantically to unlace her boots and then pull her pants the rest of they way off. Jax then pushed her back against the wall, forcing one of her legs up over his shoulder as he buried his face against her wet slits, his tongue lapping viciously against her, alternating between sucking on her clit and just completely fucking eating her out, like no one had ever done before. Nora thought she was going to faint as she tried to keep herself up, her knee buckling underneath her as Jax held her hips in an iron grip.  
“Jax”, she breathed, moaning, “I’m gonna fall”  
“I’ve got ya, baby”, he murmured against her cunt, “Come for me”  
“Oh, fuck”, she panted, pulling at his thick hair and pressing his face up into her cunt, almost riding his face as she felt her orgasm build up inside her, and then finally exploding inside her, reaching every last nerve inside her body. She almost shouted as she buckled her hips against his face, riding out wave after wave of consummating pleasure. When she came down again, her whole body shook, but she was still standing – much thanks to Jax holding her hips in a bruising grip. He’d stopped licking her, but now placed a few wet, soft kisses over her clit as he looked up at her with stormy eyes. Nora raked her hands through his hair, catching her breath.  
“If you let me go… I think I might…”, Nora leaned against the wall and she felt Jax pull back from her as he smirked smugly.  
“Ain’t ever letting you go, Nora”, he said, stroking his hands over her hips and then carefully pulling her leg off of his shoulder. Then he wiped off his mouth with the back of his hand as he stood up before her, still making sure she didn’t fall down into a boneless heap on the floor.  
Nora leaned forward and kissed him, tasting her own fluids on his lips and tongue, but not caring in the least as she grabbed a hold of his wife beater, steadying herself. Then she reached down and cupped his straining erection through his pants.  
“Let me take care of you”, she whispered and Jax stiffened for a moment, making Nora pull away from him and looking at him, unsure of what was happening. “What? Is… Is something wrong, Jax?”  
He shook his head, smiling strangely softly against her, “No”, he raked a hand through her hair, kissing her forehead, “I just… I don’t want ya on your knees, yeah?”  
“Oh”, Nora frowned, but then looked up at him, nodding, “Sure, of course. How do you want me?”  
“Wanna be inside you”, his voice was strained, rasping, but as he pressed himself against her, she could do nothing else but just melt against him. She lifted his wife beater and he easily pulled it off, tossing it away along with his scarf, and Nora unbuttoned his pants, pulling them down just a tad before his cock sprang out, hard, thick and heavy. She traced her hands over the tattoos on his stomach, following the revolvers on his abdomen down to his dick and when she looked up, she met Jax’s grey, stormy eyes, half lidded and filled with arousal. She stood leaned against the wall with him in front of her, as she grabbed his cock in a soft grip, jerking his foreskin back and forth. She’d never been with an uncut man before, and she actually found it easier just stroking him, the skin soft and velvety. Jax leaned his forehead against hers, panting heavily and groaning as she jerked him off for a moment, before he grabbed her ass and lifted her up, pushing her back and Nora clasped her legs around his waist, holding on to his shoulders.  
“You good?” she asked and Jax smirked, charm mixing with arousal and just a completely and almost surprisingly lovingness in his grey eyes.  
“Fuck yeah”, he snarled, before latching on to her lips and then pushing slowly inside her. Nora moaned against his lips, her nails digging into his shoulders as he buried himself inside her. He made her feel so perfectly full, she almost lost her ability to think for a moment and when Jax started moving, she just held on and let herself be fucked mercilessly against the wall. He pounded inside her, more force than grace, but she didn’t fucking care, all she cared about was finally having him inside her – being joined with him and feeling his sweaty skin against hers. She was so sensitive from her orgasm, that every little movement of his, ached through her like the best drug she’d ever had. No matter the concoction that pulsed through her blood right there and then, nothing could be better than this. His lips pressed against hers even though they both now only breathed and moaned, their skin smacking together with every thrust.  
It didn’t take long before his movements became erratic and Nora dug her nails into his neck, urging him on as he lost himself in an orgasm. Then he pulled out of her as he buried his head in the crook of her neck, groaning deeply from his throat, his body pressed against hers as he jerked the last cum from his cock, twitching and panting. Nora petted his hair and kissed his ear as he did, still clinging tightly to him. His arms curled around her waist when he was done and they just stood like that for a moment, completely devoid of everything around them, except the two of them.  
Jax then crouched down and laid down on the floor beneath them, draping Nora over him, still holding her tightly against him, and Nora looked up at him, settling over his hips as she stroked his hair back from his face.  
“Jesus”, she said, “That was intense”  
Jax chuckled and stroked her cheekbone as he followed her eyes with his own, “Yeah”  
She leaned down and kissed his lips slowly, nipping lightly on his lower lip, “Need something?” she asked and Jax groaned, looking to his side.  
“Uh, yeah”, he reached down and patted his pocket, “A smoke would be fucking perfect”  
Nora sniggered and removed herself from him, one of his hands seemed to protest, wanting to keep her close as she settled beside him, reaching down into his pockets and finally finding a half crushed packet of cigarettes and a lighter, giving them to him. Jax smirked and then shook out a smoke, putting it between his lips before he almost moaned as he drew in his first puff, lightning it. Nora settled with her head on his shoulder, as Jax enjoyed his cigarette. She couldn’t help but to think about Jax stilling, when she’d offered to give him, what he had given her. It didn’t feel right to ask what that was about, since he never hounded her for facts about what made her uncomfortable. But at the same time, she couldn’t help as to worry about it, considering she actually cared about him. Cared a whole lot, as a matter of fact. But she didn’t want to ruin the moment, by bringing it up and so it could wait. 

She lifted her head and pressed a kiss to his cheek and Jax looked at her, a smirk coming over his lips as Nora nuzzled his cheekbone.


	16. Go To Hell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written whilst listening to this gem: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k08YwOgnU5U

I can’t control it, I just want to hold it  
’Cause it will make me feel that I’m a man  
So give me money, I said, give me money, man!  
’Cause I don’t care as long as I’m in command  
Don’t come telling me, that it is just an enemy  
I’m broke as hell, man, I need a wishing well, man  
Born with a spell, man, I love that smell, man  
I don’t want to dwell, man – Let’s go to hell, man!

_Backyard Babies – Let’s Go To Hell_

Being called up to Colter sounded like fucking shit man, Jax knew he’d had his eyes on Nora for some time and he’d rather expected the big kahuna to ask for her to be sent up as some kind of tribute. It wasn’t exactly unheard off, but fuck if Jax wouldn’t protest that shit if she didn’t want to. Sure, Colter wasn’t a bad looking man and he couldn’t doubt that the thought of Nora humping away with the fucker made his skin crawl – but if that were to be something she wanted, he wouldn’t stay in her way. He wasn’t one of those possessive fuckers trying to control their women, then going about fucking around behind their backs. Fuck that, if Nora wanted to do something without him, he wouldn’t protest. So why had he sent for Jax? Was he a faggot or something? Nah, he couldn’t be. Jax knew he had women servicing him, not men. Unless he snuck men up there, these raiders weren’t too keen on male to male action, and even though Jax didn’t mind if someone wanted to take it up the ass, he wasn’t gonna let that shit happen to him. _Not again_.  
To not piss Nisha off more than he already had, missing yesterday’s drug bust with the Pack, he pushed the stupid helmet down over his face before he left Nora sleeping on their mattress and then walked out of the HQ. She lay there sleeping, looking like some goddamned goddess with her dark hair curling away, spreadin’ out over the filthy fabric of the mattress and her voluptuous pale skin naked for his eyes only. Sure, they still shared that fucking hut with Savoy and his lot of women, but they had put up a few old shelves just to gain some privacy from each other and he couldn’t help but to love waking up next to her spread out beside him. Her tits uncovered and milky pale as they flattened out over her chest as she slept on her back, those pink, rosy nipples stiff as he pinched them, making her moan in her sleep. He was fucking smitten, wasn’t he? The way she cracked open her large amber brown eyes and her full, thick lips turned into a smile as she looked at him. How had he been so lucky? He had no fucking idea, he only knew she was the prettiest woman he’d even seen in his entire life and he wanted nothing else but to be close to her, until he died.  
He’d covered her up before he left, and as he strode out from the building, he squinted his eyes under the covering helmet, the sun stark in the sky and burning down on his almost corpse-like skin.  
“Oh fuck”, he muttered, walking down the few stairs and almost tripping over some bum claiming the stair as a mattress for the night.  
“Hey, watch your fucking step, bitch”, the sleazy bitch whined and Jax spit down beside her.  
“Find yourself a fuckin’ mattress, scumbag”, Jax hissed and she chuckled, rubbing her eyes, spreading the coal around them even more.  
“Maybe I’ll just take your bed, kid”, she rasped, “Cozy on down real good beside that bitch of yours”  
“Fuck you”, Jax kicked up dust at her before he continued to walk the short way towards the Overboss’s lair.

He rode the elevator up to Colter, catching the fucker with an Operator whore in his bed, openly sucking his dick and Jax rolled his eyes underneath his helmet.  
“Fuck”, Colter grunted, “Just gotta finish up here, man. Grab a beer or whatever”  
“Sure”, Jax mumbled and walked over to the kitchen, digging through some trash and finding a lukewarm beer and then sitting down in a dingy couch on the other side of the large floor from Colter’s bedroom. 

Colter seemed unaffected by Jax’s intrusion to his coital morning activities and as he came, he let out a strangled moan that made Jax throw up slightly in his mouth. It wasn’t as if he was unused to reluctant voyeurism, having lived his whole life with raiders – but it still put a bad taste in his mouth hearing another man coming. Brought back too many fucking memories he just wanted to be rid off.  
After Colter had kicked the whore out, he walked over, grabbed a beer for himself and slouched down into the couch beside Jax.  
“How’s the missus?” Colter groaned and readjusted his dick in his pants. Jax sneered, but then thought twice about how he acted in front of the big boss and cleared his throat.  
“Nora?” he asked.  
“Yeah, the curvy brunette”, Colter smirked, “She ain’t yours?”  
“She’s mine if she wants to be”, Jax shrugged, “But she’s good, getting along well with Nisha”  
“Huh”, Colter nodded, “If I were you, I’d keep her well away from that man hating bitch. You know, she gets off on cutting off dicks, yeah?”  
Jax smirked, he could imagine it, sure.  
“Gotta keep an eye on your woman, they’re though as hell, but ya know, if they’re ain’t handled right, they'll fuck ya over”, Colter took a deep swig of his beer, “Got the fucking scars to show for it”, he mumbled.  
“Tell me about”, Jax nodded slowly, “You never met my mom”  
Colter laughed, “Heard about her, sure. That rolling pin of hers, holy hell, man”  
“Mm”, Jax smirked, chuckling to himself. His mother had been a right son of a bitch, or a, uh, daughter of a bitch or whatever. Infamous, mostly for shacking up with his dad, but also for keeping all those goddamned raiders in check – even though she never was one herself. Good thing that, Jax thought for not the first time. She’d been one hell of a mean raider. “So, whaddya want from me, Overboss? Guessin’ you didn’t call me up here for the chat alone?”  
“Hey, some small talk isn’t bad, is it?” Colter chuckled, raking his hand through his blonde hair, his strange foreign accent making him sound slightly nasal as he spoke. Where had he come from? Fuck if Jax knew. The man had been around for as long as he knew, he had to be at least close to forty by now. “But, yeah, I hear ya. I’m planning a raid in the Commonwealth. Thought maybe I’d give the honors to the Disciples, and to you in particular. You’re a brutal fucking bunch, even by raider standards and I need the blood to flow, show those fucking gangs over there that we mean business. And you just came from there, didn’t ya?”  
“Yeah”, Jax nodded, biting on the nail of his thumb.  
“Been doin’ some business with a gang west of Quincy, but those fucking Gunners keep messing shit up, fucking up the deliveries. I need you to show those green fuckers we’re not playing around. Fuck ‘em up real good”  
“You talked to Nisha ‘bout this shit?” Jax frowned and Colter smirked.  
“’Course, don’t worry kid. She knows and she agrees, yeah?”  
Jax nodded, “I'll set up a crew and head on out. When’ya want it done?”  
“Soon as possible”, Colter grinned his evil fucking grin, “Steal everything that’s not fucking bolted to the floor and kill every green fucker in sight. They’re heavily armed, but I’m giving you free reign of all the heavy shit we’ve got stored here”  
“Cool”, Jax hummed, “What do you want done with Quincy when they’re all offed?”  
“Well, ain’t a little colonialism just what we need to lighten the mood around this dingy place?” Colter smirked and Jax chuckled, empty his bottle of beer.  
“Sure thing, boss. I’ll get it done”  
“Good kid”, Colter slapped his shoulder. 

 

“You’re kidding?” Nora looked at Jax with incredulous eyes as he injected some Med-X into a vein, before falling back onto their mattress with a moan. “The Commonwealth? We just came from there”, Nora said and pulled the syringe from his arm, putting the closing onto it again, saving it for later.  
“Ain’t saying you gotta come with”, Jax breathed, his eyes rolling back into his skull.  
She’d sat on their mattress, reading a science magazine as Jax came strolling back from wherever he’d been. Then he’d dug through their stash, pulling some Med-X out before flopping down on the bed, telling her they were heading out to the Commonwealth.  
“As if I’m letting you go without me”, she punched his thigh and Jax chuckled slightly.  
“Yeah, could’ve guessed you’d say that, sweetheart”, he murmured, sighing deeply as his hand trailed up her leg as she sat leaned against the metallic hut wall, with her legs crossed at the knees. She’d hardly dressed, only pulling on a pair of short shorts and her breast band, the heat outside fucking killing her, Jax’s damp, warm hands made her shiver.  
“So, when are we leaving?” she asked, tousling his hair, to which he groaned annoyingly and showed her hand away.  
“Soon as I get down from this high”, he smacked the back of her thigh, peering up at her with lidded eyes, his pupils needlepoints.  
“Tomorrow then?” she smirked, putting the magazine away and crawling over him, grinding against his crotch. Jax groaned and grabbed her hips in a loose grip, his control not really in cue, due to the morphine.  
“Tonight, baby”, he moaned, his hands trailing up her body and cupping her tits in his hands, “Fuck, you’re a pretty sight”  
“And you’re fucked off your ass”, Nora answered, smacking his chin slightly. His stormy eyes looked up at her, swaying and then he chuckled.  
“Yeah, I am”, he buckled his hips up against her and Nora smirked, “Why don’t you take care of me, baby girl? Just wanna feel ya clench around me. That fucking pretty cunt of yours”  
Nora sniggered and leaned away, searching their stash for some Jet. When she found an inhaler, she puffed it a few times, finding the perfect high before she shimmed off her shorts and then unbuttoned Jax’s low-cut pants, bringing his cock out. She’d learned by now, he didn’t want her to perform oral sex on him, even though he loved giving it to her when capable. Instead, she just jerked him off before she straddled him and let him push inside her. Jax’s hands clenched around her hips as she rode him slowly, buckling her hips back and forth over him, as she pushed his ripped t-shirt up, playing with the rings hanging from his nipples. His thumbs reached down and played with her pubic hair as she ground against him, his breath hitching and his eyes rolling back. He was so fucking high, he’d lost all control of himself. But, he was still hard and Nora fucked herself on top of him, grounding her clit against his pelvis bone, her fingers still pinching his nipples. He was so utterly gorgeous were he lay, spread out for her to enjoy and his warm hands on her, soft moans and groans as they kept up a languid pace. 

“Hey, so, the Commonwealth?”  
Nora whipped around, her eyes hard and annoyed as they met the stupid smug smirk of Savoy, “Yeah, now fuck off!” she hissed.  
“Oh, he’s fucking out of it”, Savoy chuckled and Nora rolled her eyes.  
“Seriously, I was just about to-“, she was interrupted by Savoy holding his hands up.  
“Yeah, yeah”, he said, “Come see me later. I guess you know more than that fucker can say at this point”, he nodded towards Jax, laying under her, squirming and still moving her hips over him.  
“Leave” Nora snarled, before she turned back to Jax and leaned down, catching his lips with hers. His tongue easily wandered between her lips and he grabbed her thighs, lifting her up as he fucked into her. Nora released his lips and trailed kisses down his throat as she moaned with every thrust, clutching the back of his head as he fucked her. 

She left Jax after he’d come, tucking him back into his pants as he faded off into oblivion from his high, and then walked out to find Savoy. When she found him at a table with Dixie and a few others, she walked over to him and slapped him across the face. He quickly caught her wrist with a smug chuckle, pulling her down into his lap.  
“You done now?” he held her down, even though Nora tried to wriggle out of his hold.  
“Yeah, what the hell, Savoy?” she said and eventually wrestled her way out of his grasp and sank down beside him. “Like watching people screw, do you?”  
He chuckled, lifting an eyebrow as he looked at her, “Not _people_ no”, he wriggled his eyebrows.  
“Ugh, pig”, she slapped him and Dixie sniggered from the other side of the table. “What did you want, anyway?”  
“Heard something about the Commonwealth? I know Jax went to see the Overboss this mornin’”, Savoy looked at her.  
“I don’t know much, it’ll be easier just speaking to Jax, you know”, Nora said.  
“But you know some?” he tried coaxing and Nora rolled her eyes.  
“Some settlement or another, I don’t care”, she shrugged, “Either way, he’s not leaving me here and from what I know, Nisha’s okay’ed it. Would surprise me if you weren’t coming with”, she looked at Savoy. “You don’t mind keeping an eye around here, right?” she turned to Dixie who smirked in return.  
“Sure, honey”, she said, nodding towards Nora.  
“So”, Nora leaned back, “Where’s the food?” 

 

It was almost incredible how fast Jax turned around, going from a wasted asshole to focused on the task he was presented with. As they sat on the train back to the Commonwealth, he was still high, but had balanced the Med-X he had taken earlier with Mentats and X-cell. Nora was still pretty sober, only drinking some vodka to keep her between sharp and calm, not feeling like any harder drugs at the moment. Only days ago, she’d gone to Mackenzie and gotten some Addictol against her chem-shakings, ridding her of the addictives.  
She sat on a seat just across from Jax, her feet pulled up between his spread legs as he fidgeted with one of his knives, looking out the window with sharp eyes.  
“What if we run into Nate?” Nora asked and Jax’s head whipped towards her, his stormy eyes piercing her with their intensity.  
“Then he’s shit out of luck, baby girl”, Jax said, sucking on his lips as he reached down into his pocket for a smoke.  
“I’m telling you, Jax, I’m not sure he’s killable”, she stroked her arms, frowning as she looked away.  
“Already told ya, Nora, everyone dies”, he said as he lit the cigarette and took a deep breath, the smoke curling around him as he slowly blew it out. “Nate ain’t no exception”  
“You don’t know him, you haven’t even met him”, she said, looking back at Jax.  
“Don’t fuckin’ need to”, he huffed with the cigarette hanging from his lips, “Seriously, Nora”, he sighed, “Even if he _is_ as good as you’re claimin’, I’ll fucking die happy, knowing I rid that piece of shit from you and this goddamned world”  
“Don’t say that”, Nora protested, kicking at his groin. Jax whined, pushing her feet away, before leaning forward and stroking her thighs.  
“Ain’t just sayin’ it, darlin’, I mean it”, he looked into her eyes, “I dunno what he’s done to ya, but in my book, that anxiety of yours, if it’s all contributed to him, I’ll kill him for that alone, ya hear me?”  
“Just don’t…”, Nora shook her head, “Do anything stupid, promise me?”  
“Hey, babe”, he reached out and caught her chin in his hand, “I’m smarter than I look, alright?”


	17. Heroes and Heroines

Nora laughed as she chugged the last of the bottle of vodka she held in her hand as they danced around the campfire. They were round about fifteen people who had taken the train over to the Commonwealth and now they had settled down for the night, in wait for the morning to give them more time to travel the miles down to Quincy. As usual, when it came to raiders, a party broke out and Nora wasn’t the only one high as a kite as she danced around the fire. She threw the bottle away, the glass smashing against a nearby tree, and as she stumbled, another girl about her age, what was her name? Cherry, yeah, caught her and kept her from falling on the ground. Nora’s vision spun around as she looked around, caching Jax’s grey stormy hues as he sat down on the ground, leaned back on his elbows, watching her. Cherry pulled Nora up and clasped her cheeks, and then pulled her in for a kiss, a kiss Nora more than gladly answered, fisting her hands in Cherry’s pale blonde hair.  
“Ain’t pissin’ your husband off now, am I?” Cherry whispered between their kisses.  
“Highly doubt it”, Nora smiled and pecked Cherry’s lips before she turned and looked towards Jax. Jax was watching them with a smug smirk on his lips as he sipped his beer, too fucking high on Jet to even give a shit.  
“Ever been with a woman before?” Cherry nuzzled her neck and Nora chuckled, curling her hands around the woman’s neck, raking her fingers through her neck.  
“No”, Nora pressed herself up against her, “Why? You wanna sleep with me?”  
“Fuck, who doesn’t?” Cherry looked at Nora, holding her cheeks between her hands, “Ya know, you got every goddamned eye on you, wherever you go”  
Nora snorted and pushed at Cherry, “Lies”, she hissed playfully, latching on to Cherry’s bottom lip.  
“Nah-ah”, Cherry shook her head and her arms wrapped around Nora, “I don’t think you get how fucking lucky Jax is, I mean, he ain’t bad himself… But you, damn”  
“Well”, Nora hesitated before kissing Cherry again, “Give me a minute, yeah?”  
“Sure”, Cherry let go of her and smiled, as she bit her lower lip teasingly. Nora stumbled over to Jax, falling into his lap and nuzzling his throat, mesmerized by his smell and the warmth of his skin. Suddenly, Cherry felt like a distant thing as she was greeted by his heat and the way he felt against his skin, all hardness, muscle and stubble. Women hadn’t really ever done anything for her – a body was a body, she supposed. She’d never had the possibility to really be wild as a teenager. The wildest thing she’d ever done was sleeping with Nate and getting pregnant. This life that she lived now, was so far from what she had ever imagined. When Jax chuckled from under her, one of his arms grasping her and pulling her flush against him, she just melted and fisted into his hair, sucking on his earlobe as she sniggered.  
“She wants to fuck me”, Nora whispered and she could feel Jax smirk as a hand trailed up her thigh.  
“I can believe it”, he murmured, kissing her neck, “Whaddya wanna do?” he stroked her thigh, up her ass and then softly lay her to his side, peering down at her, his grey eyes soft and half-lidded.  
“What? You’d allow that?” Nora frowned, looking up at him.  
“Allow?” Jax chuckled, “I don’t own you, sweetheart”  
“So you wouldn’t be mad?” Nora bit her lip, not really believing what he was saying.  
“Well”, he stretched out, sighing, “Guess I wouldn’t _like_ it, but ya know, if that’s what you wanna do, I ain’t stopping you”  
“But you’d leave me for it?” she coaxed, stroking his stomach as she looked up into his eyes, a serious expression on her face.  
“What? No”, he took her hand a squeezed it, “If that’s what you wanna do, you know”, he looked over at Cherry, “I’d get behind it. I don’t want anyone else but you babe, but I ain’t laying claims or anything”  
Nora frowned and looked away from Jax, at Cherry and then around them. Jax was somehow the light of her life – she hadn’t thought about it before, but she really couldn’t imagine being with anyone else but him. Not even Nate seemed very pleasant, even sexually, anymore.  
“What if I want you to?” she almost whispered and Jax perked up, looking down on her as he turned towards her.  
“You do?” he seemed kind of dumb-fooled as he looked at her, his pinpoint eyes wide as he stroked her hair. “Seriously?”  
“Yeah”, Nora breathed, nodding. 

 

 

Jax looked over at the blonde, Cherry, before he turned back to his binoculars, looking towards Quincy, making sure everything was as he thought it would be. He gave the binoculars to Savoy, who confirmed his thoughts and nodded. They should wait until dark before they attacked. With a solid plan and the help from the raider settlement just nearby, there shouldn’t be any real problem with taking the town down, catching the leaders and making an example of them.  
The blonde didn’t seem to harbor any hard feelings against him, or Nora, for going back on her offer on spending the night. He’d let Nora do whatever she wanted, but somehow, she’d turned the blonde down. Had Jax been offered the same from the blonde, before meeting Nora, he would have been on her in seconds, pressing his dick into that. But now, no, he just couldn’t.  
Nora, was fidgeting, looking over her shoulder at every turn as soon as they was getting close to Quincy. He couldn’t really understand why. He knew that Nate was a Gunner, but what if he was with the ones in Quincy, what did it matter? No matter what Nora thought, he was just a man and Jax knew that no matter how high a pedestal Nora put that fucker on, no one was above getting killed. 

When night fell on them, it became time to move in. Savoy and Jax had discussed their course of action, and they would take a sneaking approach, which would save them more people than a direct approach. Jax had made sure Nora would keep fucking close to him at all times, making her promise not to run off. He knew she was goddamn fierce when she wanted to, and having her around would not just make him feel more secure, but it would also keep a lot of shit off of his back. 

 

 

Attacking Quincy was a slaughter. And Nate wasn’t anywhere to be found, which soothed Nora somewhat, between the killing and the slashing. She kept close to Jax all the time, mostly using her knife and getting good practice at using it. It was much like Savoy had said, it was somewhat volatile due to the sharpness, but as soon as she understood the way she was supposed to use it, it easily rested in her grip and worked perfectly in her hand. It was like cutting through butter with a warm knife, working it against the faceless bodies that threw themselves at her. When it was finally over, she collapsed in a heap on the group, bloodied with a few cuts on her body, and before she knew it, Jax scooped her up into his arms and carried her into one of the houses nearby.  
It contained a bed and they both just sank down into it, still strung out from all the enhancing drugs and the overall exhaustion from the battle.  
“We won”, Nora mused, reaching out and touching whatever she could find of Jax beside her.  
“Fuck yeah, we did”, Jax smirked, pressing his lips against her forehead, “Fuck, we ought to bath, or something. We’re smearing a lot of blood onto the bed”  
“Don’t know if I can even move”, Nora whined, stretching out in the bed and Jax chuckled. “Let’s just shoot up and have a bath, then just… Sleep, I need to fucking sleep”  
“Yeah”, Jax nuzzled her neck, groaning as he hugged her close to him. Before she knew it, they had both fallen asleep, clinging to each other and ignoring everything around them. 

Nora woke up to every goddamned muscle in her body hurting and she groaned as she turned around, looking out over the small room in which she and Jax had bunked up. From what she could remember, it had been empty when they fell asleep, but now, it was crowded. People slept all over, on the floor, crawled up into armchairs and tucked up against the walls. Well, it was obvious people were herd animals, when it came down to it. It was actually kind of nice looking at, seeing the people sprawled out all around them, some of them holding each other, nuzzling close as they slept. Others slept alone, but still not, as they were all together. Most of the people gathered inside the room, were Disciples, but some of them belonged to the Commonwealth raiders they had helped out in bringing the Gunners here down.  
Nora pushed Jax slightly, getting a muffled groan from him, before his grey eyes looked up at her, squinting as he yawned. “Gonna head out for a bath, or something”  
“Yeah?” Jax pulled her closer, forcing her back close to him on the bed.  
“We’re not alone”, Nora whispered to him, letting her head fall back onto the dingy pillow.  
“I know”, Jax murmured, kissing her neck.  
“So…”, Nora smiled, snaking her hand down his pants and grasping his half hard dick, making Jax groan, “Come with me”  
“Fucking hell woman”, Jax groaned, “You know just how to push my buttons, don’t ya?”  
Nora nipped at his throat, before she pulled her hand out and stood up from the bed, slightly unsteady, but soon zigzagging around body after body.  
She didn’t know if they even had some working water pipes here, but there had to be somewhere she could get a shower or anything close to bath that wouldn’t kill her with its radioactivity. Jax followed behind her soon enough, sighing and groaning as he lit a cigarette, sucking in the nicotine as he stumbled after her. He wasn’t good with mornings that one. Nora wasn’t either, but she was certain she handled them better than him, that’s for sure.  
After a while of searching through house after house, they stumbled onto a basement of sorts, which was equipped like a fallout shelter, with running water and a goddamned tub. Nora groaned from thankfulness as the warm water rushed into the tub. Finally!  
She hadn’t seen running water like this since Nate’s apartment in Diamond City, and she just couldn’t wait to scrub off all the blood and grime. Jax sat smoking in a corner of the bathroom, smirking as she undressed in her giddy state, seeming oblivious to the obvious luxury of an actual bath.  
“How’re you not excited?” Nora looked over her shoulder at him with a smile.  
“Oh, believe me, I am”, Jax smirked, “Turn around, why don’t you”  
Nora threw a boot his way with a mock scowl on her face, “Ass”  
Jax pretended to be hurt, but then smirked again, rising to his feet, his hands finding her hips soon enough and his lips kissing along her shoulders. “You wanna bathe alone to begin with?”  
Nora looked back at him with a frown over her features, “No? Why would I? Come on, you’re joining me”, she said, turning around and beginning to undress him. It wasn’t exactly difficult getting him out of his clothes, seeing as he wore next to nothing. But all his clothes, just like hers, were drenched in blood and as soon as Nora was submerged in the tub with Jax between her legs and his back against her chest, she sighed a sigh of relief.  
She stroked Jax’s curly hair back, wetting it with water as she massaged his scalp. His head rested against her shoulder as she pecked his scalp with kisses as they lay there, soaking up the relaxing heat from the water, softening their muscles in the best kind of way.  
This was all she needed. Her life had changed so drastically in every kind of way these past months. It wasn’t even a long time since she had woken up. It wasn’t even a year, really. And through all that, she had left Nate, been on her own, then he’d come back and just swept her away as he always seemed to do. Then, she’d left him again, unfortunately not killing him when she had the possibility to do so. And now, she had what, become a raider?  
Still, she’d never felt like she’d actually had fitted in anywhere like she did now. Even without Jax, she would have a place within the Disciples. It was something of her own, something just for her, not dependent on someone else’s whim. If Jax decided to leave, she could still go back to Nisha and Nisha would have her, just as she was. Nisha saw the best in her and gave her a shot – more than a shot, really, she’d given her a chance at something else, something new. And even though some of it frankly disgusted Nora, she liked being where she was. The fact that Jax was there, just made it all better, but it wasn’t dependent on him being there. 

“Jax?”  
“Mm?”  
“Are we…?” Nora hesitated, her mouth resting against his thick, dark hair.  
“Are we what, sweetheart?” he reached back and stroked her neck, sighing contently in the warm water.  
“You know… Are we, you and me?”  
“Is that what you want?”  
“I… I guess I do”, she circled her arms around his chest, “Yeah, I want that”  
“Then we are”, he smiled and Nora felt his smile all through her body as she hugged him close to her.  
“Can’t believe it, really”  
Jax chuckled, turning his head and peeking up at her, “You’re joking, right? I’m the one who’s supposed to say that”  
“Stop being an ass, Jax”  
“Seriously though, I fucking can’t believe someone like _you_ , would want me”  
“Someone like _me_?”  
“Yeah”  
“Well, that proves it, you’re an ass”  
“Fuck you, lady”  
“There’s no ladies here, you said so yourself”, Nora said, and Jax chuckled softly.


	18. The Rosary

Quincy devoid of Gunners, was surprisingly empty. The raiders from the smaller Commonwealth settlement had for now retreated back to their own settlement, but according to Jax and Savoy, Quincy was to become a settlement for raiders from Nuka World, used as an outpost to make sure the trade Colter had going with the gangs here kept flowing like it should. It wasn’t that raiders in general was incapable of building things, or cleaning up, making a settlement livable – they just had a completely different view of how things were to look and be, than most others. According to Colter, Quincy was given to the Disciples, as a tribute of sorts, for the gang to govern over and as they took more and more settlements, they would be distributed between the three gangs in the park. Savoy needed to get back to Nuka World soon enough and he asked Jax to stay while Nisha decided who would boss over the settlement in her stead. Nora decided to stay with Jax in Quincy, even though the thought itself still made her slightly nervous, considering she hadn’t wanted to return to the Commonwealth so soon. And the proximity to Gunner’s Plaza, as well as the prospect of retaliation from the Gunners, gave a too high chance of eventually coming face to face with Nate. At the same time, if Jax was here, she didn’t really want to be somewhere else. Though, she knew he wouldn’t be mad or upset if she decided to go back to Nuka World. He’d come along back soon enough. For now, however, whilst waiting for Nisha to decide how things were going to work, Nora stayed and helped reinforce their protection as well as claiming a good house for her and Jax to stay in. Some time alone wouldn’t go amiss, to say the least. 

She found herself easily falling in to some routine in Quincy, helping out here and there and both her and Jax did less chems while there. Perhaps the all too close threat of Gunners and other raiders that they weren’t allied to, kept them all on their toes. Quincy, was large as hell and they tried to center their settlement to be able to protect it more easily, putting up a few more turrets and fixing the protection the Gunners had already but up, but had been shot to hell during the assault.   
Nora had to say that she was impressed over how organized the raiders were, in comparison to the raiders she’d run into here in the Commonwealth, these Nuka-World raiders were more like… Well, Gunners, if she was being honest. The thought made her shiver, but at the same time, as she looked over at Jax, sitting with a burning smoke between his lips, concentrating on fixing a broken turret, it made her feel a bit more secure. Perhaps it was like Jax said, that Nate wasn’t immortal? With a force like these raiders, smacked up on chems as they were, but still heavily organized and with almost the same weapon-power as the Gunners, maybe she had a chance of just living a good life, for once?   
Jax scratched his head with his sooty hands, black from oil and dust, and then he peeked up and locked eyes with her. Nora smiled slightly, and he winked at her, looking smug where he sat. Then, a shout from the other side of the encampment forced their attention, and before they knew anything more, a missile hit one of their central houses, crashing into it and exploding with a deafening sound. Two strong hands grabbed Nora quickly and pulled her away and she screamed, looking all around her. Her ears rang from the blast and her head spun, it felt like she had splinters in her eyes. She tried to kick and scream, her most base instincts kicking in, and those hands didn’t let go of her until she had been dragged inside a house. She fumbled and pushed away from whoever had grabbed her before turning around to see Jax’s stormy grey eyes look at her. He looked both panicked, concerned and enraged. He had already begun to strap himself up with duct tape and Nora tried to still her rapid breathing as she looked at him.   
“It’s all right, babe”, he said, working the tape quickly, “You stay close, ya hear me?”   
Nora nodded, her ears still ringing, but she was calming down slightly and Jax pushed the tape into her hands, while digging around his pockets for something more, which she soon realized was psycho, and he shot himself up quickly, ignoring the search for a good vein.   
“You think it’s Gunners?” Nora said, her voice shaking and she saw Jax’s grey eyes turn dark from the chem, but also from some kind of vengeful resolution she hadn’t quite seen before.   
“Fuckin’ countin’ on it”, he hissed as he stood up. Two other disciples stumbled into their house and began a quick preparation for battle, checking all their gear as they jacked themselves up on a shit load of chems to get their real bloodlust pumping. Nora looked at Jax and saw him almost jumping were he stood, prepare to loose himself in the ensuing battle. “I want all these green fucker’s heads on pikes at the end of the day, ya hear me?!” Jax shouted to those in close proximity as the bullets started hailing in on the town.   
Nora felt herself shaking, and reached for the used syringe of psycho that Jax had used, there was a small amount left in it, and she injected it quickly into her goin, before she followed the others outside. Jax cast her a quick look, before he leaped out into the now erupted chaos, a pure blur of black and green mixing along with burning cars and buildings, grenades going off and bullets and laser rifles shooting through the air. They had expected retaliation, but Nora was no soldier and she wasn’t sure if she would ever really get used to the bloodied mess of a battle. 

Something green came against her, but Jax easily caught sight of the woman and tackled her before she reached Nora, but then another came and Nora gripped her knife steadily in her hand, ready to strike at any moment. She had slid knuckles on her fists to even further the damage she did with her hands during melee, and she struck – once, twice, trice. The man fell to the ground and without even thinking about it, she stomped on his throat, the ruckus all around her silencing his screams as his throat caved in and the only confirmation on his departing from this earth was the warm spurts of blood the guzzled from his throat. Nora didn’t have time to think more of it, before another Gunner was on her ass and she flew on her, pulling her down on the ground and carving her knife into her skull, all the while the woman tried to get at Nora with a ripper. Nora grabbed her head and smashed it back into the concrete ground several times until the woman’s bleak eyes rolled back in her skull and she released her grip on her ripper. Nora picked it up and spurted away further. She was so caught up in the blood, the guts and the gore to even notice her ending up further and further away from Jax. 

The ripper was effective as hell and working dually with the knife in one hand and the ripper in the other, she was able to slash through body after body, until after more or less decapitating a young man, she looked up and looked into deep emerald eyes, staring straight at her with a harsh, penetrating look that went through her entire being.   
_No, no, no_ , Nora through and got up on trembling legs, not looking away from _those_ eyes. She began to back away, but _he_ just walked calmly towards her, a smug smirk growing on his lips, making him look like a shark and his eyes large and maniacal as he pushed ammunition into his rifle, without letting her go with his sight. 

 

 

Have you ever seen your life pass by your eyes? You’d think that Nora had seen it several times by now, and perhaps she had. But at some point, she’d never really had this much at stake. She’d lost everything before, over and over, as if she just couldn’t seem to catch a break. What had she done to anger God as much as this? She’d been a good girl growing up, coming with her parents to church, even going through all the right rituals that she should. Baptism, first communion, confirmation, even the goddamned wedding to a fellow catholic. And where had it landed her? A horrible marriage she couldn’t get out of with a man she now had to spend eternity with, bound by the words of God through a priest that obviously thought them careless and unworthy of the sacrament they bound each other in. A dead daughter and soon, a dead son, if he hadn’t already died – she didn’t know, tried not to think about it. To her, he _was_ in ways, already dead. She’d lived through the goddamned apocalypse, and now where was God? The words of Christ on the cross, his suffering and blatant moans about God no longer hearing and seeing him, felt hollow in comparison. The suffering of the saints, all that torture, and for what? Was she supposed to feel guilt? Was she supposed to yet _again_ call on their aid, just as she had done so many times before in her life? They hadn’t aided her through the torments of bullies in school, neither had they helped from the torments her husband put her through – so was it so strange that she had forsaken her faith a long, long time ago?   
Once, she’d had a rosary. It had been dear to her, one of the few mementos she’ had from her great grandmother who had passed away when she was just a child. The old biddy had still had an accent from the old world, as she’d emigrated from Poland in the 1990’s and before she died, she refused to speak English, which Nora remembered had angered her father immensely. He didn’t speak any Polish and considering her mother was from English, Scottish and Greek ancestry, she didn’t speak a word of Polish aside from ‘pirogi’. Nora’s grandmother, her father’s mother had spoken Polish, but hadn’t learned her father the language and then she died all too soon. Nora could hardly remember understanding what her great grandmother said, but she had the rosary. It had been her connection to her great grandmother, a private thing between the two of them, a thing that told of her heritage more than a certain religious faith right then and there. But her great grandmother, Katarzyna, had been very religious and Nora understood that the rosary meant much to her, so she kept it with her, always. She remembered her prababka’s funeral and how she sat there, seven years old with tears filling her eyes as she clutched the rosary in her hands. She couldn’t take her eyes of the open casket in the funeral home’s religious chapel and the pale, greyish skin of her prababka as she lay there, her hair done up neatly and her eyes closed. It was her first funeral and they had several strange relatives from Poland come over, and several of the old ones didn’t speak a word of English. It was all so very confusing and the memory etched itself into her. 

 

Nora found her hands clutching around what she held, right there and then, just as she had when she was a child sitting there, staring at the funeral, not knowing what to do. Now, she crouched here, perplexed and scared like a deer caught in headlights, unable to take her eyes of the man closing in on her. He was so unlike Jax in every way possible, dressed in his khaki’s and with that fiendish grin across his face. His auburn hair slicked back and in perfect control, as if he’d just walked out of some hairdresser, instead of partaking in an assault. He was inhumanly tall and broad, and Nora felt like she’d forgotten about the sheer strength with which he carried himself – there was really no doubt why he had made her feel so secure in his presence. But it was a volatile security, volatile just like his temper and ever dependent on what _he_ wanted and wished for. 

“Baby girl”, he smirked, “What have you done, huh?”


	19. Not Yet

Awaken to the only chance I’ve got   
Hide behind these walls, I look through the cracks   
I see the same mistakes that I once made   
All that I can tell you, there is a price to pay   
It hurts me to be angry, kills me to be kind   
But my only torment, is my own disguise   
Waiting on the favors, they only come to show   
Awaken to the sudden fact, that I’ve simply wasted chances   
But I’m not yet to die   
Waiting for my temperament to calm   
_The Gits – Bob (Cousin O.)_

Jax pushed one limp body off of him, ready to kick the other away, coming at him, if only to buy him some time to grab his blade again. Everything was a blur, a chaos – a chaos he reveled in and that just struck the right kind of cord within him. Something he’d been raised to do, raised within and that made his blood pump in a way no other fucking thing could ever do. He was bleeding, cuts and bruises all over him, but the drugs pumping through his body dulled all the burning pain out, allowing him to continue well after his body normally would have given up. Sticky blood mixed with sweat and grime all over him as he approached the kicked down Gunner, breathing hard as he without a second thought bent down and slashed his knife over the Gunner’s throat, and then continuing his murderous strife. He caught the eyes of several other Disciples, fighting fanatically against the well-armored Gunners – they screamed and shouted, some of them laughing fanatically. Jax, said nothing, nor did he smile or shout – it was a neutral. Something he’d learned, something he _needed_ to do. This was what he’d been brought up to do, something so natural to him as eating, shitting and fucking. This was what the world had been reduced to and he didn’t fucking love it, but he didn’t loathe it either – it was just what it was. Clan wars, wars between factions – survival.

Then, a thought came into his mind and he whipped around – his eyes searching around him, but not finding purchase. _Nora_ , where the fuck was she?   
The calm within him switched to panic within seconds and he started whipping around and around, looking – trying to identify her somewhere in the smudgy blur of dead and still living, fighting bodies – through the screams and moans, the ruckus all around him of people slashing, dying and some even fucking – rape as a method of war. It made pain boil with anger within him and without a second thought, he stalked over to the two Gunners holding a disciple woman down, one of them clutching her head and pressing her head against his crotch, the other draped over her and fucking into her. As if it was second nature to Jax, he pulled one of the rapists away and slit his throat as if he was slicing a loaf of bread. The other Gunner looked up at him, releasing the girl’s head and reaching for his own combat knife – but Jax was too fast, too quick as he threw himself on the Gunner. The girl easily scrambled away, picking herself up and leaving them there. Jax didn’t care, he got it, he knew all too well the fucking humiliation of rape – of rape as warfare. Goddamn it, he should cut their pricks off and make their corpses choke on them just for good measure. 

When he’d fought the other Gunner down and eventually strung him up on his blade, slicing him open completely, he looked around him for the next target. And then, he remembered again – his mind blurred and unstable from the chems – but still working well enough to know something was fucking _wrong_. Nora.   
Nora.   
Nora. 

“ _NORA_!” he shouted, looking around him – panic beginning to boil up, unsuppressed by the psycho working within him and he began whipping around himself again. Unsteady eyes searching and scanning, but not finding purchase. “Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck”, he seethed through his teeth as he began jogging in no particular direction, jumping over corpses and dodging Gunners coming at him and bullets spraying towards him. A hand grabbed his armor and pulled him around, but through instinct only, Jax tackled the guy grabbing him, throwing him over his shoulder and continuing his frantic search.   
Then, loud motors was descending upon the town and red laser beams started surging through the crowds fighting. _Oh, fuck_ , Jax looked up and saw three vertibirds, equipped with metal wearing soldiers. He’d seen them before, seen them when they came in over the Commonwealth in their large fucking air-ship, proclaiming that they meant no harm – that their intentions were peaceful. Peaceful as their red fucking lasers, to be sure, Jax spat and dodged the searing beams cutting through everything in their way. He jumped and crouched, adamant in his search for Nora. Where the fuck had she gone off to? 

A cold shiver went down his spine and a picture came to his mind, of her lying somewhere near by, cold and dead – her pale skin yellowish grey and her eyes, lifeless and staring, her mouth ajar in the slack way only corpses could muster. Then, another thought pressed itself into him, which pushed the shiver away and replaced it with a rage so deep he couldn’t fucking control it. _Nate_. As the heavy thuds of power armor meeting concrete and asphalt could be heard around him, Jax jumped inside the skeleton of a house, dodging as he tried his best to keep out of sight, searching all around for a small, brown-haired woman – or someone who looked like Nora had described Nate. He neared a smaller shack and just as he peeked out for the second time, checking for enemies or lasers, a tall man left the shack. His hair was pulled back on top of his head, shaved on the sides – his blood type tattooed just over his left brow, a Gunner. His hair was auburn red, almost so deep in its hue that it looked brownish crimson, and he was huge. He looked around himself before he dashed out and Jax could see his features. Sharp and clean, a strong nose and low, well shaped brows and a broad mouth with high set cheekbones. From Nora’s description, that could very well be Nate, but it looked as if he was retreating and an explosion nearby caught both Jax’s and the other man’s attention for a moment. Then the man looked over his shoulder and their eyes met. 

That’s when Jax knew.   
That was Nate. His large emerald eyes shone with a menace he hadn’t seen in a person in years and it made nausea creep up on Jax as he stared into those eyes. But in contrast to Nora, it didn’t fill him with fear – it filled him with anger and goddamned deadly intent and he could _feel_ his eyes harden as he stared at the man. As if knowing just as much as Jax knew, a smirk grew on the man’s handsome face and before he turned around and fled from the Brotherhood’s lasers, he gave Jax a soldier’s salute. Jax could feel his lips draw back into a snarl as he watched the man retreat, before he snapped back into the current and remembered; Nora. He looked around him once again and deciding the coast was clear, he dashed into the small shack. 

 

Like a scared rabbit she had backed into a corner, watching as Nate came closer and closer. All her strength and might just deployed as she stared into those emerald eyes. He’d been such a vast part of her life for so long a time, it was difficult for her to just break away from that part of her. It was second nature, to submit to him – submit to the stronger one in a state of threat. And Nate, all of him just screamed of a _threat_. All the times she’d stood up to him, had been able to gather the strength to do it, taken over by either protectiveness of her children or survival – it took so much of her, so much that eventually it would just be broken down and taken over, repressed and tucked away.   
She knew she could stand up to him, knew she had the power and the strength for it, but at the same time – he always, _always_ won. And where was Jax? Jax had disappeared. Had he left her? Had he realized that what she said was true and ditched her? She wouldn’t hold it against him. Jax wasn’t by any means small, but he was yet to be fully grown and in comparison to Nate, a trained high leveled soldier, pre-war, Jax was just a puppy. A tall, broad and tank-like puppy, to be sure – agile and fast, yes – but Nate… Nate was Nate and just on his own, he was a lethal weapon deployed by the US army for the cruelest missions possible. 

Nate crouched before her with that damned smirk on his lips, his deeply green eyes searching hers as he cocked his head. Nora tired to make herself as small as possible, just accepting her fate and eventually, she pulled her eyes from Nate’s, staring up into the raggedy roof of the shack she’d backed into. She leaned her head back and drew in a deep sigh.   
“Just… Get it over with”, she said quietly and she could hear Nate drawing a sharp breath, before he chuckled. Then she heard the crack of his neck as he stretched it, the hum of his voice as he seemed to contemplate something. She looked down and saw him look away from her, biting his thumb almost absentmindedly. He’d always been an unstable person, pretending to me solid – but she knew him. She knew his aloofness, how he calculated everything – more or less rapid within his mind. This stillness in the middle of the whole chaos around them, made her more uneasy than the fact that her tormentor had her backed into a corner.   
“You’re giving up?” he asked then, his eyes falling on her again with a perplexing intensity that Nora knew drew every kind of person to him. How deep green could seem to be so shining and light, against such northern, Celtic skin – she didn’t know.   
“What difference does it make?” Nora closed her arms over her chest, hugging herself as she drew her knees up close to her body. “You’ve taken everything from me. I can run, hide and keep away from you. But in the end, you’ll always surface, always come and find me. There’s no fucking escape”   
Nate chuckled and nodded slightly, looking away from her again as he then sucked on his lower lip as in thought. Then, as if a switch going off inside his head and without warning, he punched her straight in the face. Everything turned white around her, stars gleaming in the edges of her eyes and a brutal and all too real pain burned on her cheek, spreading all through her face and into her head. Then, hands were on her throat, throttling as she tried to fight against it, desperately trying to push the hands away. Couldn’t he even have mercy in this? In killing her? Hadn’t he ever loved her enough to just show her that small amount of mercy? She’d carried two of his children, for god’s sake! But no, he couldn’t. She felt his whole weight above her as he pressed her down into the muddy ground beneath them, his large hands pressing hard against her throat, making her cough and cutting of the air. Her throat strained and her head was beginning to feel light, spinning and her fingers soon became numb, cold. She could hear him breath deeply, spitting as he pressed, harder and harder, banging her against the ground. His knee pressed into one of her arms and she tried, tried to claw at him. He was sitting above her, holding her down and the blackness, it just crept closer and closer – until she could literarily _feel_ her body going limp. 

It was as though she was outside her body, watching from high above as Nate straddled her, chocking her. Just before everything turned into a deep, dark and black nothing, she felt his lips press against hers. So right, but in every way so goddamned wrong, but there was nothing she could do about it.   
Then, the pressure was gone – but she wasn’t there anymore. And who was that? The person just over there? A black shape, moving against her, slowly, as if in slow motion. Kindness beamed from it and Nora realized it had to be someone greeting her. Wasn’t that what happened, afterwards? You were greeted into the next life by someone familiar?   
_Prababka_? She heard herself say and the shape leaned down, a warmth touching her cheek and filling her with love and security. Nora didn’t know if her parents had ever truly loved her, ever truly _wanted_ her, but they had been good parents, most of the time. Good, but only to the extent of being just that – good. They never did anything more than they had to. Her prababka though, even though Nora could hardly remember actually speaking to her, what she’d seen in her great grandmothers dark eyes, was love. Soft and tender, all-knowing and just… Caring.   
It was time, wasn’t it? Nora smiled and tried to find consolation in the fact that she wouldn’t be alone. Ally would be there, her parents, grand parents and great grandparents. Everyone that had been dead for so long, would be waiting for her. She just needed to embrace the warmth from her prababka, and then all of this – this fucked up and horrible world that should have died with the bombs, would be gone and over with – for her. 

 

Jax couldn’t fucking breathe, he couldn’t fucking handle this. She’d been there, all white and blue, yellowish and - _limp_. Her throat was swollen and red, bluish from having been strangled, deep splotches already appearing on her skin, bruising that pale, beautiful alabaster. Under her eyes, she had red splotches and her hair was tousled around her. It was like entering a fucking tomb and Jax hesitated for a moment. He’d never been this scared in his life. He held on to the rotting wood of the doorframe as he looked at her. He couldn’t do shit, but just stand there, looking like a dumb idiot for a moment – for how long, he didn’t know. It was as if the ground had just disappeared beneath him, but he didn’t sink. All emotion just fucking left him, all air escaping his lungs as he stared at her body, so still, so… _Oh, fuck_ , his breath hitched and he had to press down the urge to throw up. She had cuts and bruises all over her, from the fighting, scratches and rips in her armor. Her arms laid splayed out, the fabric over her chest ripped, showing one of her breasts, the nipple just peaking out slightly, still stiff and rosy, but covered in grime. Her legs limp against the ground, one knee just slightly bent. Her eyes were closed, mouth just slightly open, slack. Her red, plump lips looking just like they had always done – inviting and just ...beautiful. But she had this large fucking splotch on her face, red and angry and her nose had been bleeding, still was, and the blood was still trickling down over her upper lip like a crimson river trailing down to her chin, down her neck.   
How long had he stood there? He didn’t know. When did he last breath? His lungs was beginning to scream for air. Was he loosing it? _FUCK_! 

But then, a movement. Her chest, rose? And fell. He saw it now, and without a second thought, he sprang to her, falling down beside her, frantically searching her throat and neck for a goddamned pulse. She was cold, but not cold like a fucking corpse, but he knew she didn’t fucking have long. She was too close, too close to just taking that damned step and he’d die if she did. He patted his pockets in panic, finally finding what he was looking for, the one Stimpak he had, the one he always wore _just in case_. He injected it into her and for the first time in his life, called on any kind of deity to show some goddamned mercy. He leaned down and grabbed her chin, pushing his lips to hers and blew air into her, forcing it down her lungs. He’d read in some old magazine that you were supposed to just that in situations such as these. He kept forcing air down her lungs until she coughed, her eyes opening and he clasped his hands around her head.   
“Nora?” he breathed, his voice shaking and aching, “Baby? Nora, honey, c’mon, baby, please”, he stroked her hair, “That’s right baby, c’mon back to me, yeah. Good, girl, good girl”   
Her amber brown eyes looked into his for a moment, before they fell back into her head and Jax sobbed, drawing back. But he saw her chest moving, she was still fucking alive, she _breathed_ and he couldn’t help a chuckle as he leaned down and kissed her forehead.   
“We gotta get out, sweetheart”, he said and breathed deeply, before gently pulling her up into his arms, “Don’t fucking die, please, sweetheart”

But I’m not yet to die


	20. Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo

Pain, was the first thought she had. Pain and a feeling of daze and confusion, she opened her eyes, but didn’t see anything but a haze, darkness slowly fading into shadows, a few movements all around. She moaned, blinking her eyes a few times, trying to force herself to see, to get a grip on where she was. She had died, hadn’t she? But this wasn’t the afterlife, the pain was all too clear and there weren’t supposed to be any pain once you died - _unless_ …   
“Sweetheart”, she heard that familiar voice, the voice that was raspy, dark, but still soft and kind. Warm and welcoming and usually filled with audaciousness and a lazy cockiness, but now, filled with worry and exhaustion. “You hear me?”   
“Mm”, Nora grumbled, turning her head back and forth, “Uhh”   
A warm hand touched her head, stroking softly and she tried to turn towards it, lean into the embrace and blink a few times more. She realized, she was in some kind of room, dingy with faded color stripping of the wall and the only light inside, came from a burning oil-lamp in the corner.   
“Where…”, she rasped, trying to focus her eyes on the one touching her. J… J something. Jack… Hm, no. Jax. Yes. Yes, please God, yes.   
“You’re safe, honey”, the soft voice spoke and as she blinked again, she saw a man beside her. He was lying to her side, just a few inches from her, not really touching her, except for his hand in her hair. It was Jax, the scribbled tattoos all over him, his curling hair a fucking mess if she’d ever seen one, but his eyes stormy grey and kind, tired looking.   
“Jax”, she moaned, her voice broken as she tried to reach of for him. Pain cut through her, aching muscles and wounds ripping.   
“Just lie still, yeah?” he said softly, his fingers softly massaging her scalp as he leaned himself up on one elbow, watching her. “Maybe ya shouldn’t speak, rest your voice”   
“Where are we?” she whispered and Jax smiled softly.   
“We’re safe for now, don’t worry about it”, he murmured, leaning down and placing a soft kiss on her lips. 

“She awake?” another familiar voice spoke and Nora tried to look for the source. Cherry, right? Had to be. She’d survived too. The battle, oh fuck, Nora thought back to it. The last thing she could remember was Nate over her, and then – nothing else.   
“Yeah”, Jax didn’t look away from Nora as he answered, “She’ll be all right”   
“Thank fuck”, Cherry said, “Hey, uh, Keet and Jimmy came back from scouting Quincy, the Brotherhood has left and not a Gunner in sight”   
“Cool”, Jax nodded slowly, “Send off a few more to get the turrets and all that shit set up again”   
“Sure thing”, Cherry said, “Slough wanted to talk to ya, by the way”   
“Ain’t goin’ down there, tell him to come here if he wants a chat”, Jax said and muttered something about irradiated ghouls.   
“Got it”, Cherry smiled slightly, “Hey, Jax, let us know if ya need anything”   
“Mm”, he nodded and then he became quiet as he looked at Nora, stroking her hair softly. Nora smiled slightly, reaching up and touching his arm. He was filled with wounds and scrapes, but he seemed to be fine and the thought of just being here, with him, made her feel so utterly calm, she just lay back, trying to nudge herself closer to him. 

 

It took longer than she’d ever imagined to recover, but as soon as she could stay awake for longer than an hour at a time and due without med-x for the pain, Jax decided they would be heading back to Nuka-World for now. With what had happened with Nate, Nora didn’t protest. Jax carried her most of the way to the Nuka-Express and then back to the Disciples’ HQ – but when she finally was where she now called home, she felt a relief she hadn’t felt in… Years. She didn’t mind the stink, the chopped up bodies, all she needed was a place where she belonged, among people she liked – among _family_.   
Because that’s how she saw Jax, she realized – as well as Savoy. They were all violent as hell and weirdos, to say the least. Though Nora found she didn’t mind.   
The whites of her eyes that had turned red due to the strangulation, had now begun to turn normal again, but she still wore large splotches and sores on her throat from it and her body still hurt. She didn’t want to think about how close she had come to death. It scared her, scared her more than anything and she didn’t know if she ever wanted to ever re-live that again. But life as a raider, it was violent. People died, they died an awful lot in this world in particular – but as a raider, you were disposable. 

Nora sat up in her and Jax’s bed, looking around herself, but she was alone. Jax was nowhere to be found, so she pushed herself up, groaning as she did and looked for a pair of pants. As soon as she’d struggled the low-cut jeans on, she walked out, barefoot and searched for Jax’s familiar curling hair or scribbly tattoos. Almost all of the raiders had tattoos like him, but she’d recognize his anywhere by now.  
When she didn’t find him inside the HQ, she carefully stepped out and was greeted by Dixie and a group of other Disciples sitting outside and bathing in the sun, drinking beer and making jokes. Dixie looked at her and nodded for her to come join them and so Nora did. Sitting down hurt, well – everything hurt right then. But after a huff and a groan, she was rightly seated with a beer in her hand. 

“How you doin’, sweetie?” Dixie asked, cocking her head towards Nora, “That puppy of yours takin’ good care of ya?”   
Nora smiled softly, “Yeah”, she said, looking out over the pond before them. Speaking of puppies, Nora thought as she watched Jax saunter over from Fizztop with the Overboss close to him. Colter was smirking and patting Jax on his shoulder, his blonde hair greasy, a Mohawk pulled to the side – but other than that, he was a nice looking man. Nora didn’t mind him and had gotten used to the glances he sent her way. Now, however, she knew she looked like shit, her face still fucked up and swollen and her hair tousled to hell. She was all black and blue still, but it didn’t matter. Jax didn’t seem to mind, and to her, that was the most important part. She herself, she minded, but there wasn’t much she could do about right know, was there? She had to heal and eventually, she’d look her usual self.   
Jax smiled childishly as he saw her and steered towards her, Colter following behind him, his head turning after one curvy operator walking past him.   
“Hey”, Nora said as Jax closed in on her and reached her hand out to touch him. Jax leaned in towards her and kissed her softly on her lips as Nora stroked his neck.   
“Hey sweetheart”, he murmured against her lips, “Nice to see you up and out, how’s the pain?”   
“Manageable”, Nora answered and pecked his lips as he crouched down beside her.   
“Hm”, he grunted slightly, drawing back from her and looking her over, “Ya look better”   
Nora smiled and leaned back into her chair, pushing a pair of sunglasses on her nose.   
“Hey, look who it is”, Colter sauntered up and then pulled a chair in a flopped down into it, reaching for a beer without even caring to ask. Why would he? He was the Overboss, he could do whatever he wanted. “You ain’t easy to kill, are ya?” he smirked and screwed off the bottle cap of his beer.   
“Thank fuck for that”, Jax sat down on the ground beneath Nora and leaned against her thighs. Her hand reached to his hair in an instant and began twisting her fingers in it. “Gotta go something about that shithead though”   
“Nate?” Nora felt her stomach lurch at the mere mention of him.   
“Yeah”, Jax grabbed her beer and took a swig, “Ain’t letting this stand”  
“I don’t want you to do that, Jax”, Nora said, pulling his head by his hair so he looked at her, “I’m serious”   
Jax looked up at her and she could feel Colter, Dixie and the others looking at her as well.   
“Ain’t that easy, sweetheart”, Jax said, “What he did to you, if I don’t kill him, someone else needs to do it. You don’t fuck with our kind and get away with it”   
“You’re kidding me?” Nora said and frowned, “Raiders talking about honor?”   
“Yeah, so what?” Colter leaned forward and looked directly at her, leaning his lower arms on his thighs. “You gotta hit ‘em before they hit ya, that’s the only way. And letting some dick ass fucker, no matter who the shithead is, almost kill one of us, ain’t acceptable”   
“He will die, Nora”, Jax said, stroking her legs from where he sat, “He cast the die a long time ago, this was just a bad move on his part. And furthermore, he’s a Gunner – they assaulted us”   
“We assaulted them first”, Nora said quietly.   
“Doesn’t matter, they’re gonna fucking burn”, Jax smirked, showing off his slightly yellowed teeth and Colter chuckled, the rest of the raiders gathered cheering.   
“Gonna pull in the real big guns this time”, Colter smirked, wriggling his eyebrows, “Fucker’s gonna wish he died when the bombs fell” 

 

Jax held her close as he slowly eased himself inside her, pressing her back against his chest and softly kissing her neck. The sounds she did drove him crazy with need, but he knew he needed to be careful, she was still hurting, still sore. But she’d reassured him about a thousand times now, that she wanted this – needed it, and weak as he was, he couldn’t fucking deny her anything. She rested her leg over his hip as she slowly moved in and out of her, his hand reaching down between her fold and lightly brushing her clit with easy strokes as he moaned against her skin, listening carefully for her to protest. She didn’t, and her body was as soft and round as it usually was as he sheathed himself fully inside her. It felt so good having her this close, to just be able to be inside, to be one with her. He’d been so fucking scared of loosing her, he had to force the thoughts away not to completely loose himself as well. The thought of never doing _this_ with her again, just hurt too much for him and that kind of pain, was a pain he couldn’t stand. 

To feel her soft skin under his fingertips as he stroked her body with light touches, kisses and licks, was like nothing else in this world. She was perfect, in any and every state. He just didn’t want her to be in pain. And _Nate_ had fucking caused _this_. He’d caused the bruises on her the first time Jax had seen her, and now, he’d almost killed her.   
He’d been speaking with Colter a lot during the past week that they had been back in Nuka-World, and it had been decided, that a full on war on the Gunners was the only way to rid the Commonwealth of those fuckers. They would keep messing up their business if they didn’t do anything about them. They had enough raiders in this park to take them on, and with the help of some allied raiders in the Commonwealth, it would be a done deal – leaving the chem-market open for the taking. First, they needed to establish more outposts all over the Boston-area, but Jax had his contacts, and Colter himself would go over to Boston and speak with the main bosses to strike up some kind of deal.   
Nate, the fucking shithead, was high up in the ranks of the Gunners, so Jax couldn’t just waltz in and bash his fucking head in – but he would eventually get him. And if Nora wanted, he’d hand him over to her to do as she pleased with. The only thing Jax wanted, was to make sure he suffered. If Nora wouldn’t do it, he’d be pleased to do it himself, or hand him over to the sickest fucker amongst them for a slow and painfully torturous death. It was more than he deserved. 

Jax was so distracted by his thoughts, that he was only pulled back to their coital activities as Nora came, clutching his dick perfectly and he increased his movements, working himself closer to his own orgasm as he continued to touch her, prolonging her orgasm as far as he could. When he pushed in for the last few times, shooting his cum deep inside her, she was shaking and moaning prettily, sniggering as she gripped the mattress they lay on. Jax carefully bit into her shoulder, sucking on her skin.   
“What’s so funny?” he whispered into her ear.   
“Ah, oh”, Nora moaned while giggling, “It just… I don’t fucking know, it tickles when you come inside me”   
“The fuck?” Jax chuckled behind her, kissing her skin, “It _tickles_?”   
“Mm”, she smiled and pressed up against him, “It’s not unpleasant or anything”   
“No?” Jax snuggled into her hair, hugging her carefully around the waist, still deeply buried inside her. He could stay like this forever, just keep fucking her and coming inside her – he’d be a happy dude if it was possible.   
“No”, she said and reached back, stroking his hair and tangling her legs with his, “This is lovely”   
“Never leave me, yeah?” Jax murmured into her hair, his voice cracking slightly. It was unmanly and he should probably have felt ashamed for showing such weakness, but somehow, he was well past that shit with Nora. He didn’t care, didn’t _need_ to care.   
“Never”, she said softly, “I’ll always be with you” 

 

He left Nora in Nuka-World. He hadn’t wanted to, but she wasn’t well enough to fight or travel, for that matter – and he had business to conclude. He travelled with Colter and several raiders from each gang in Nuka-World, they were all spreading out, but he and Colter was to travel together, partly because they’ve started to find some common ground and also because Colter needed to meet with the Commonwealth bosses – and Jax knew where to find them.   
Kissing Nora goodbye was fucking horrible and he felt like he ate half her face as he licked into her mouth without any grace, only fueled by cheer desperation and thoughts of being without her for an unknown amount of time. She still looked fucking terrible, but she was beginning to look more and more like herself and she had spent some days out in the sun, getting a soft tan on her features.   
“Oi, quit fuckin’ sucking her face and get your ass over here, lover boy”, Colter shouted, throwing an empty cup from one of the trash bins on Jax. Jax clutched Nora’s head, burying his hands in her hair as he deepened their kiss again, not wanting to leave her.   
“Jax”, Nora chuckled and pecked his lips, he sucked on to her bottom lip like a puppy on his mom’s teat and she had to physically push him away.   
“Aww, damn it”, Jax leaned his forehead against hers, “You got me hard, honey”   
Nora smiled and chuckled as she trailed her fingers over his chest, “Sorry”, she said, not looking sorry at all.   
“You women are evil, should’a listen to my mom, eh?” Jax caught her lips again, pressing her soft, curvy body against his, but Nora tore him away, looking into his eyes with those large amber eyes of hers.   
“Get on the tram, Jax”, she said softly with a smile that was more sad than anything, but she tried well to hide it – he damn well saw it. “I’ll be fine, won’t fight or do anything, yeah?”   
“Told Savoy I’d cut his dead dick off if he got ya into trouble while I’m gone”, Jax murmured.   
“Poor guy”, Nora chuckled, “Go on, get out of here”  
“Yes, mam”, Jax saluted her with a smile and Nora gave him a lopsided grin before reaching up and kissing him again, then pushing him away. He looked over his shoulder as he stepped into the tram, looking at her the whole time. Damn, she was beautiful. It felt weird leaving her, but at the same time, he knew it was the right fucking thing to do. What she’d been through, was traumatic by any standards and she needed rest. As much rest as one could get in an amusement park filled with raider fucks. But it was better than even being within some proximity of her _ex_ -husband.   
He was dead meat.


	21. Introspect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A short interlude, in between everything else.

Life was random, and it had always annoyed Nate. Anything he couldn’t calculate completely or control, frustrated him to no end. Things were difficult enough for everyone to not having to deal with unforeseen things.   
Unforeseen things like the Brotherhood of Steel intercepting an attack, seconds before he’d had her, seconds before her life left her completely. He knew she didn’t die, he hadn’t been able to hold her down for long enough, hadn’t broken her neck. She’d looked pretty fucking dead as he left her, but he knew better than to just assume things at random. Soldiers didn’t just make assumptions, neither did they put their trust in _hope_. What mattered to a soldier, was action – getting to the point beyond know and just dealing with the shit that lay before you in anyway that made you do what you had to. It wasn’t pretty, it wasn’t even decent. It didn’t have to be, because your actions, in reality, wasn’t yours to begin with. You were only doing what someone higher up had told you to, following orders.   
Had he always been like this?  
Yes. And no. now, it was difficult to tell, really. It was as if he couldn’t rightly remember things clearly anymore. Too many things had happened, too much information gathering, without enough space to keep it all there. Only the most important and imperative things remained. Perhaps it was for the best, really. 

His pip-boy made a small noise. A message. Nate pressed the buttons, scanned through the message and sighed as he leaned his head back against the wall where he sat in his cot back at Gunner’s Plaza. Jesus Christ, couldn’t he just get one goddamned minute for himself?   
He shook his head and then flipped the switches on his pip-boy, eventually starting the relay. 

 

“Father”, Shaun said, his eyes bleak and hazy as he looked up at Nate from his hospital bed. The old man was frail, dying. Really dying. It was like watching a bony and skinny version of his father-in-law lying there, rotting away in the completely sterile environment that was the Institute.  
“Hello, Shaun”, Nate said and sat down on the chair on the side of his son’s bed. “What is it that’s so important?”   
“I wish to see my mother”, Shaun rasped, his voice as frail as the rest of him, “It doesn’t feel right, leaving with place without explaining…”, his voice drifted off and Nate sighed. “Telling her… I meant no harm”   
“Hm”, Nate grunted, scratching his stubble as he leaned back in the chair, his legs spread wide.   
“Oh”, Shaun glanced over at Nate, “I understand. She doesn’t wish to see me. It’s very understandable”   
Nate rolled his eyes and let out a breath, his hands resting on his thighs, “I don’t think that has anything to do with it, Shaun”, he said, looking with uncertain eyes at his son. Should he tell him the truth? How would Shaun react? Would he be angry, upset? Probably. He was all too much like Nora, too volatile and sensitive to not reach into his feelings and just… _Feel_ things. Nate had noticed that about him, during the small moments he’d been down here, speaking with the old fellow. Kind of fucked up that, wasn’t it?   
“Yeah, sure”, Nate shrugged. “Well, she’s not with me, so I can’t really help you with that”   
“What happened?” Shaun asked, frowning, his grey brows knitting together deeply and looking almost comically concerned.   
Nate grimaced an shook his head, “We had a disagreement”  
“About?”   
“Nothing that concerns you, old man”, Nate looked straight at Shaun for a moment, “Either way, she’s out of my reach now, shacked up with a group of raiders”   
Shaun was silent for a moment, looking away from Nate, before he nodded slightly. “Interesting company”   
“Mm”, Nate nodded. 

Nate didn’t like being down here, the fluorescent lights made his skin crawl, the cleanliness too clean and smelling of flowery chemicals, as if the whole place was just one large bathroom that had just been cleaned. Still, something inside him just couldn’t abandon his own flesh and blood. This man, even though he didn’t look like his son, didn’t seem to _be_ his soon, still were just that and Nate just couldn’t ignore what kind of feelings it stirred inside him. That little kid, that little baby – his little guy. He hadn’t lied to Nora about that, that the Shaun they’d known was dead, because he was. This Shaun, was something else entirely and more than anything, looking at him and being around him only served to cause Nate pain. Pain he’d seldom felt, if he was to be honest. He’d done so much shit, he wasn’t even certain he deserved to feel pain, but when it came to his children, it was difficult not to feel at least something. The world had ended, his wife had left him again – but that didn’t really matter, in the end. But his children, Ally and Shaun, they were pieces of him. Everything else could burn and die off, instead, it was his children who really burned and died – and he’d survived them both. It wasn’t natural, was it?   
Perhaps this was God’s punishment for all his wrongs? Taking away the two persons that Nate had actually loved in his life. For whatever it was worth, it pained him. Nora could go fuck herself, if she still lived. Right now, Nate was just tired. He felt as tired as Shaun looked, lying there as if he was already a corpse – just waiting for his life to leave him. 

“During your wedding, did you and my mother dance?” Shaun then asked, from out of nowhere. The question made Nate pause for a moment, looking away. What kind of a question was that, and why did he care anyway? Nate searched his memory, ending up on the day of their wedding – Nora very much pregnant, but dazzling in her beauty as she still swirled lightly on her feet, her hair curled and coiffured perfectly.   
“Sure”, Nate said with a light smirk on his face and Shaun smiled softly.   
“What song was it?” he asked and Nate tried to remember. It was difficult, it wasn’t all that long ago, for him, really. But the song was almost 300 years old by now.   
“Uh…”, Nate pressed his lips together, looking down on his hands, “Don’t make me over, I believe it was called. A semi-slow soul song that was popular even long before either of us were born. It was sung by this black woman… Dionne Warwick, I think her name was”   
“Who picked it?” Shaun asked.   
“Nora”, Nate said in a low voice, feeling himself trembling slightly at the memory. 

 

_Just take me inside your arms and hold me tight, and always be by my side – if I am wrong or right, I’m begging you_. Fuck that, Nate thought to himself and rose from the chair, touching Shaun’s hand lightly, before he left and relayed out.


	22. Every You Every Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello darlings, sorry for taking such a long time with this update. Life is as life is, and I didn't want to publish some complete shit. I've thought about where I was going with this for a while and now, at the end of my summer vacation, I finally came to. I hope you enjoy :)

Carve your name into my arm. Instead of stressed, I lie here charmed

Jax coughed, the metallic taste of blood filling his mouth and he could feel it drip from his lips as he stood leaned over on his hands and knees in the dry dirt, whisking all around him. The radiation was still so very present in the dust around him and it burned slightly against his skin along with the sun and the bleeding scars. Looking down on his hands, he could see the black ink of the tattoos smeared in dark grime and deeply red blood, coloring his nails dark as he dug his fingers into the dry ground beneath him.  
He took a deep breath, making himself cough again as pain wrecked through him and he had to swallow a pained sound. A shot rang out behind him and he looked up into the sky, so blue as always as it looked down on him and not a cloud in sight. Was this fate? He wondered to himself as he forced another breath down his lungs, wiping his sweaty face with a grimy hand, smearing the blood, the gore and the dirt even further. Rage pumped in his blood along with strength and testosterone forcing him into even more violence – but it battled against tiredness, against bleeding wounds and lungs that hardly could take a breath anymore.

“You alive over there, motherfucker?” he heard Colter’s voice sting his aching mind from somewhere behind him. The world spun, so fucking doped up he didn’t know what was even up and what was down. He clenched his fist in the dirt before forcing a growl out from his lips.   
A laughter and another shot from Colter and Jax slumped down on the ground with a grunt. “Yeah, cocksucker”, Jax smirked and watched as Colter came over to him, standing above him – towering like some fucking god looking down on him. His blonde mohawk darkly crimson from soot and blood as he leaned on his rifle, smirking down at Jax with his black and white teeth showing.   
“That ain’t no way to speak to your boss”, Colter chuckled and then slumped down beside him. “Man, these Gunners are though to put down”, he said, staring up into the sky beside Jax.   
“Fucking pieces of shit”, Jax hissed, digging into one of his pockets in his now completely ripped up jeans for his pack of smokes. Colter gestured for Jax to give him one and Jax complied, and they lay there for some time, smoking and just breathing. They had too few stims to waste them on minor damage and they still hadn’t been able to reach Nora’s ex. They hadn’t even heard those fucking mercs breath a word of him, but Jax was sure he was hiding out there somewhere and soon enough, they would run into him. This world wasn’t all that big, after all. 

 

 

She knew it was a dream, because even in her dream, she knew Jax wasn’t there. She was sleeping alone – and she could feel it in her soul. But still, she saw him there before her in all his beauty. Naked and godlike, like no other man she’d ever seen – his body littered with scars, bruises and pictures painted in ink from a too short life. He was so much younger, but his soul seemed older, somehow. He’d had to grow up so fast, seen too much for someone his age. His dark hair curling around his face and on his lips, that typical – and still slightly annoying but oh so charming childish smile of his. His light eyes large as they searched her, leaning down above her – chuckling.   
_Nora_ … _Noooora_ … Whispers. She looked up at Jax, but his lips didn’t move, instead his hand raked through her hair and he leaned down, pressing his lips against hers and she spread her legs for him, letting him in.   
_Wake up, baby_ …   
“What?” Nora said and Jax withdrew, looking around him. Nora looked too, but they were alone and it was strangely silent around them. 

 

“ **Wake up!** ”

 

A hand clasped over her mouth as she opened her eyes with a gasp, searching the dark room around her. She was still high and not completely clear as she looked around, but she knew there were usually some lights on no matter what time of day or night, but it was dark as a grave around her. Panicked, she felt body stiffen as she tried to keep calm while she looked around.   
“You seemed to have a pleasant dream, whore”, a voice she knew all too well whispered into her ear and Nora immediately screamed into the hand clasped over her mouth as she tried to push herself up. “Oh, no, you won’t”, the whispering voice tutted, pressing her back down into her mattress. 

Nora stared into those emerald green eyes as Nate smirked when he looked down on her from her side. He lay next to her, holding her down as he easily slid above her, pressing her down fully. He pressed his lips against her neck, moaning as he bit into her skin before he pushed himself up and straddled her.   
“I’m going to remove my hand”, he said, stroking her hair and licking his lips, “I wouldn’t suggest screaming – I believe you know me well enough to know what I’ll do to you if you do. Or, wait”, he laughed as his thumb trailed over her cheekbone, “You know what I’ll do to you, no matter what. This is the end, Nora” 

He’d relayed into their midst. Nora felt her heart drop – Jax was gone, Colter was gone and she couldn’t hear anyone around her. What had Nate done? Had he killed everyone inside the HQ whilst they slept? Right now, she could be surrounded by Gunners. But, she thought, he didn’t want her to scream. That had to mean he’d come in alone and she’d still have some kind of chance. She needed to keep him calm. She knew Nate – he was complicated to say the least, and had at several times wanted to kill her and he could have – but every time, he’d left her alive. Deep inside, perhaps there was still some strange, fucked up thought of him still being able to have her as his own again. 

She looked up at him with pleading eyes, trying her best to relax her body and showing him she was willing to co-operate. Nate slowly removed his hand from her mouth and smirked slightly as he ran his hand over her hair. He then traced her throat with his fingertips, cocking his head.   
“I did this”, he said and Nora frowned, clearing her throat slightly.   
“Yes”, she said, reaching up and touching his jaw, tracing her thumb over his cheek as he leaned down, their lips meeting.   
Nate chuckled slightly as he kissed her, opened her up for him. She felt his tongue intrude, wet, warm and comforting as it had always been and she moaned slightly, fisting her hand in his hair. 

 

“Nora!” Dixie’s voice rang out, “Wake up! You’ll never believe what I just heard!”   
Nate stiffened and pulled back from her, jumping into an even darker corner of Nora and Jax’s little house that they shared with Savoy and his various… Lovers.   
“Why’s it so dark here? What the fuck?” Dixie asked as she threw the door open. Nora couldn’t breathe, she just lay there, scared beyond her wits as she watched Nate sneak out behind Dixie as she entered. “Nora?”   
“Y-yes”, Nora stuttered out.   
“What happened?” Dixie sat down on the double mattresses Nora slept on. “You look like shit. I mean, you do normally since… But, fuck”   
Nora looked around her and then pulled Dixie close to her, making Dixie almost begin to fight her for a moment, but it seemed she could sense Nora’s agitation. “Nate was just here”, she whispered.   
“Who?” Dixie looked somewhat perplexed.   
“My damned ex!” Nora hissed and Dixie looked at her with wide eyes.   
“Here?!”   
“Yes!” Nora held on to Dixie, looking around her with paranoid eyes, “He must have relayed in. He stole my pip-boy”   
“Relay? What the fuck Nora?” Dixie pulled away from her, clasping her hands on Nora’s face, “The fuck even is that?”   
“Teleportation”, Nora’s voice shook as she stared into Dixie’s eyes. “He was here. I… I need to leave”   
“Come”, Dixie rose and pulled Nora up with her, “We gotta get to Savoy, yeah?” 

 

Dixie held her close as they walked through the mostly empty HQ, before reaching the furthest back rooms. Without even knocking, Dixie kicked the door open, just as she always did. Savoy was there, all right – though, high as a kite with some blue haired girl between his legs getting him off. Dixie just walked straight up to the girl and kicked her, making Savoy rouse and give a slurring sound of protest before Dixie threw the girl out. 

“What the fuck?” Savoy tucked himself back into his trousers but didn’t bother to close his pants as he eyed Dixie and Nora both with an annoyed face.   
“Tell him”, Dixie looked at Nora with harsh eyes, her blonde hair more tousled than usual.   
“I woke up with my ex-husband straddling me”, Nora said, “He must have relayed in”   
“Huh”, Savoy scratched his head for a moment, frowning, “Fuck”   
“Yes, _fuck_ ”, Nora said, raking her hand through her hair, “I have to leave, he’ll come back – if he even left”   
“Hey, hey”, Savoy grunted and leaned his arms on his thighs, “We’ve got tons of raiders here, unless he’s got a fucking huge army, he wont be able to get to ya. You just can’t be left alone, got it?” he looked at Dixie, “She ain’t to be left alone, ever. I’ll head on over to Nisha and talk to her”   
“You don’t get it!” Nora jerked her arm away from where Dixie was still holding her, “Nate’s a monster, he’s not fucking human! If he want’s to raise this place to the ground, he’ll do it!”   
Savoy chuckled, “I doubt that, honey”, he said and rose from the bed, closing his pants as he stood and looked at Nora from beneath his brow, “We’re the monsters” 

 

_I resent that_ , she had wanted to say – but she knew Savoy would only have laughed in her face at a wording such as that. It would have been easier just to tell him to go fuck himself, but that wouldn’t have done anything either. She knew Savoy cared about her, she was with his kid brother, after all – but still, raiders were raiders and as much as they all stuck together as family, it was impossible to trust them. Trust, as it had once been, before the war, was completely gone and Nora had learned that the hard way. She wished they had working telephones or whatever, so that she could reach Jax _now_. She wanted him to come home, to come back to her. She felt alone and abandoned, and seeing that their overboss was away with him, they were in a way, weakened – even though she knew all the bosses would work together to fight off an invasion, whatever it was. 

“He’ll come back”, she said and Dixie frowned as she looked up. They sat by a small fire with a beer each. Nora’s hands still hadn’t stopped shaking. “Wherever he’s off to, if he’s still here or if he’s left, he’ll come back”   
“Why?” Dixie asked, tousling her light hair and looking at Nora with her soft grey eyes smeared with coal. “How the fuck can he be so obsessed? I mean, I get it, I like you – but still? He’s a sick motherfucker”   
“He is”, Nora looked away and up towards Nisha’s quarters. “There’s always been something wrong with his head, I’ve always known it”  
“So why the fuck would you stay with him? Before?”   
Nora looked at Dixie and took a deep breath, “Before the war, as a woman, you had no choice”   
“What?” Dixie cocked an eyebrow in question, looking almost baffled, “You always have a choice”   
“Not if you were a woman. I tried leaving him… Once”, Nora circled the mouth of the bottle with her finger, “Went home to my parents, you know… Hoping they’d help me. My dad brought me back to him, a man who beat me, humiliated me...”   
“Why would your dad even do that?” Dixie’s eyes seemed to pierce her and Nora sighed, rolling her eyes.   
“Because when I married Nate, my dad didn’t own me anymore”, she chuckled slightly, “Nate did, and still does – since no instance can grant a divorce anymore”   
“Says who?” Dixie sneered, looking disgusted as she watched the flames of the fire. “None of that shit exists anymore. If two people want to be married, they just say it to each other or visit some priest in a settlement. If they don’t want to be married anymore, they leave each other. It’s as simple as that – and you’re with Jax now, that would more or less mean you’re not married to this shithead anymore”   
“Well”, Nora leaned back in her rusted beach chair, “I don’t think Nate cares about that” 

Dixie sucked on her teeth for a moment, before she leaned forward and stared into Nora’s eyes. “Then you kill the fucking bastard. He’s just a man, and men are weak”   
Nora laughed slightly as she took a sip from her beer. 

 

 

Something wasn’t right. He could feel it in his bones. It wasn’t sudden, but almost and close enough to be suspicious – they met no Gunners. The only people they ran into were farmers, a few raiders that were friendly enough and a unit or two from the Brotherhood of Steel. Jax and Colter stayed with a group of the raiders for a couple of nights before they moved on and during the coming days, they both grew more and more suspicious. They were in the middle of Gunner territory and still, they’d hardly seen any of them. They manage to capture a recruit, but she said nothing – even during torture. Colter had his fun with her and after that, they left, walking southwest again. 

The cold seeped in under his skin and Jax pulled the thick shirt around him. He’d looted it from an old store and it had a hood with some strange fur inside it, making it slightly warmer, but he still felt cold as fuck as they walked. Usually, moving made you warmer, but the cold rain went into his marrow and as he looked to Colter, he could see the overboss shuddering as well. 

“Something’s wrong”, Jax said as they walked, “Why the _fuck_ are we wasting our time walking around? Fuck!”   
Colter narrowed his eyes as he looked around, frowning. “Yeah”   
“Ain’t seen a Gunner for what feels like miles”, Jax ground his teeth, chewing on the but of a burned out cigarette, “They’re fucking up to something”   
“At least we’ve made contact with one settlement”, Colter looked at him from the corner of his eye, “We need to meet another large one before be go back”   
“Fuck that”, Jax stopped and Colter turned to look at him, “Something’s wrong, we gotta go back now”   
Colter chuckled, “You turned into a seer or something now, huh? What the fuck’s wrong then?”   
“I don’t know!” Jax hissed, “But don’t tell me you ain’t feelin’ it too! There ain’t no fucking Gunners around, the only people we’ve run into are raiders, farmers or those fucking metal jugs”   
“So what? They’re hiding”, Colter shrugged, “They’re not gonna attack Nuka World, nobody’s that dumb”   
“It’s not about being dumb”, Jax said looking away from Colter, “Their commander, this… Nate. I’ve seen him. He ain’t dumb. He’s very much the opposite – he’s bold. Colter, man – we need to head back”   
Colter stepped up to him, drops of rain having streaked his face as he stared into Jax’s eyes, “He’s bold, ey?”   
Colter laughed and Jax frowned, watching their overboss fold over, holding his knees.   
“He fucks with us?” Colter smirked, looking up at Jax, “Well then, let’s head home”, he said and rose to his full height, “I’ll fuck him in the ass before he tries to take what’s mine” 

Jax bit into his bottom lip as he nodded to Colter, and they walked west.

I serve my head up on a plate. It’s only comfort calling late

Nate had taken half of Nuka World until they called the truce. Both side’s had lost a lot of people and the bosses had called off their assaults. As he looked at them, he saw Nora standing beside one of those fuckers in black leather with spikey helmets – a man. Nate didn’t know who he was and he didn’t care. He wasn’t one of the bosses, as those Disciples as they called themselves, where headed by a woman standing a few feet away from Nora and the man. She looked beautiful, her fists holding knives dripping with blood and her plump lips slightly ajar and her dark hair tousled. Nate couldn’t help smirking as he stepped up, walking towards them and watching as the three bosses did the same – walking towards him.

He let his rifle fall from his hands as he held his hands up with a smirk. The bosses did the same. When they stood in front of each other, Nate took a deep breath, before pointing at Nora.   
“Bring _her_ here”, he said. The female boss of the Disciples seemed to hesitate for a moment, but then nodded to the man standing beside Nora and he brought her forth.   
“What do you want with her?” the boss of the Disciples asked and Nate wiped his face, chuckling.   
“She’s my wife”, he said, cocking his head, looking at Nora who moved closer to the man she was standing beside her.   
“You’re wrong”, the boss of the Disciples said, “She doesn’t belong to anyone, but me”   
Nate looked away from Nora and into the eyes hardly visible under the metal helmet of the Disciples boss. He narrowed his eyes as he stayed silent, breathing. “We’ll see about that”, he said after some time, before turning and walking away from the three bosses, picking up his rifle on the way. 

If Nora thought she could hide behind these drugged up fuckers, she was dead wrong. There might be a stale mate, but Nate now had half of their silly little amusement park – and whilst he called in more Gunners and more help, he’d watch them. What was a bunch of strung out raiders compared to an army of mercenaries?   
_Nothing_.

Like the naked leads the blind. I know I’m selfish, I’m unkind. Sucker love I always find, someone to bruise and leave behind 


	23. Shitlist

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listen to:  
> L7 - Shitlist  
> Courtney Love - Hello  
> Misfits - Scream

A stale mate.   
“What the fuck?” Nora screamed, pressing Savoy down beneath her, his wild brown eyes looking at her with some strange kind of amusement she couldn’t interpret. “You fucking dick!” she crushed her knuckles against his nose, making him hiss and push her back, throwing her off of him and pressing her against the ground, straddling her hips.   
“Why are you going at me, girl?” he laughed and Nora beat at his chest as he held her down.   
“Fuck off, asshole!” she was able to get a punch in at his nose and he fell back, holding his face as blood dripped from between his fingers. “Why am I going at you?” Nora hissed, climbing up on him, “Because you’re such an easy fucking target, Savoy”   
Savoy laughed, releasing his bloody nose and holding his hands up, “Sounds a lot like you wanting to fuck me, gorgeous”   
Nora threw her fist against his nose again and he whined, his hands covering his face, “I don’t!” 

She then slapped him over the face before she stood and walked away from him, sitting down beside Nisha who smirked and patted her shoulder.   
Nora liked Nisha, she’d been scared of her at first – but as time wore on, she began to respect the woman more and more. She looked over to the sealed gate, separating their territory from that belonging to Nate and narrowed her eyes. She’d kill him, she knew she needed to. She also knew Jax had gone to kill him, but it had become all too obvious Nate had other plans and if Jax didn’t turn up soon – she would really need to begin to worry. Colter and Jax had been away for weeks now and Nora didn’t expect to hear anything – but still, she thought they’d be back by now. 

The hate burned inside her and seeing that gate only made it burn even further. She knew Nate was behind it, she could even feel him. To have the audacity to even relay himself into _her_ space, she’d kill him for it.   
She’d been afraid of him for as long as she could remember – but not anymore. Now, where there used to be fear, hate was beginning to truly grow. Nora grabbed the armrests of the chair she was sitting in, almost breaking them with her hands and Nisha chuckled as she watched.   
“Save that anger, honey”, Nisha smirked as she fisted a hand into Nora’s hair, leaning in close to her ear, “It’ll come in handy”   
Nora smirked and leaned her head close to Nisha’s. Nisha pressed her lips against Nora’s cheek and Nora moaned slightly, feeling Nisha’s hand reach down to her thigh and she bit her lip, turning toward Nisha. Her brown eyes looked into Nora’s auburn eyes and Nora leaned in towards her, taking her lips in a kiss.   
“Come”, Nisha said as she pulled away from Nora. Nora smirked and took Nisha’s hand, allowing herself to be lead inside and then up to Nisha’s quarters in the HQ. 

 

Nisha pushed her down on a mattress inside her small metal house, easily stripping her of her pants and beginning to kiss her way up to her breasts. Nora’s breast-band was easily disposed off and she began pulling at Nisha’s clothing. Soon, they were both undressed and in a heap of limbs, sweaty and moaning as they ground against each other, kissing and touching.   
Nora fisted her hand’s in Nisha’s hair, kissing plump lips as their sexes touched slightly. Nisha was shaved, which Nora hadn’t expected – but she reached down, touching the other woman’s sex carefully, making Nisha chuckle slightly with a moan. Easily finding her clit, she circled it slightly as Nisha leaned down to kiss Nora’s tits, sucking a nipple into her mouth whilst Nora touched her, feeling Nisha’s wetness over her fingers. Nisha then worked her way down, kissing Nora’s stomach and finally reaching down between her thighs. Nora spread herself open, stretching out as she held on to Nisha’s hair as Nisha went down on her. Moans escaped her lips as she writhed beneath Nisha. Her tongue circling against Nora’s clit perfectly and then she pushed two fingers inside her, making Nora throw her head back, pressing Nisha’s head down against her. 

 

 

Returning to Nuka World hadn’t been an easy task. Half of the park had been occupied by Gunners and Jax understood why they hadn’t seen any Gunners on their way through the southwestern Commonwealth. Eventually, Jax and Colter had been able to find their way into the raiders territory and Jax was no sooner off to the Disciples’ HQ. He met with Savoy who updated him about the situation, and the fact that Nora had been seen walking off with Nisha. A jealousy burned inside Jax for a moment, but then he walked inside and looked up towards Nisha’s quarters. He chuckled to himself as he made his way up and when he stood in the door to Nisha’s house he smirked. He felt himself getting hard in an instant as he watched his woman writhe on the dirty mattress with Nisha between her thighs, licking her like a woman desperate. Nora’s hair was tousled and splayed out like a halo around her and she pushed Nisha down between her thighs as she moaned so beautifully.   
He’d worried about Nora, even though he knew he shouldn’t have. He knew she’d be able to take care of herself. But he still couldn’t help it – he loved her. To him, she was everything. This beautiful woman – even more beautiful as she received pleasure like this. Her alabaster skin sweaty and blushed crimson as she was brought closer and closer to her release.   
Nora opened her eyes and saw him, with a smile she stretched her hand out, beckoning him to come to her. She moaned so beautifully, her breath hitching as he walked over to her. Nisha looked up from between her legs with a smirk, and then kept on doing what she did, as Jax fell to his knees before Nora, taking her face into his hands and leaning down, kissing her.   
“I’ve… Missed you”, Nora breathed, a moan interrupting her and Jax chuckled, raking a hand through her hair.   
“I’ve missed you too, sweetheart”, he murmured, kissing her again, deeply. 

Nora reached for his crotch and palmed his erection, making Jax moan as he pushed against her hand. She then unbuckled his belt and opened his pants, stroking his cock as Nisha was giving her head. Jax sat back on his heels as she stroked him.   
“Clothes off, baby”, Nora said Jax smirked, pulling his shirt and his tank top off in one gone. She then got up on her elbows and leaned in, taking him in her mouth, making him moan as he fisted her hair.   
“I was so worried, baby”, he whispered and Nora hummed, bobbing her head up and down over his cock, swallowing him perfectly. “I knew something was fucking wrong”   
She released him with a pop and gave his balls a sloppy kiss, “Nate was here, before he invaded”   
“What?” Jax made her look up at him by pulling her hair and head back, “Whaddya mean?”   
“He came to me”, Nora said and moaned, her breath hitching as Nisha climbed up to her, kissing her breasts. “But Dixie interrupted him”   
“Such a good girl, ain’t she?” Nisha chuckled and Nora leaned forward, kissing Nisha as Jax watched.   
“So, he didn’t do shit?” Jax asked.   
“He scared your woman”, Nisha said, looking up at Jax who frowned. “As you’ve probably, hopefully –“ she paused, narrowing her eyes as she looked at Jax, “- noticed, he’s occupied half of our territory. But I had to claim this beauty, for him to leave her alone”   
“Thank you”, Jax breathed out as Nisha grabbed his cock, her hand sliding up and down with his foreskin. Nora leaned in and sucked in one of his balls into her mouth, making him hitch and lean his head back.   
“Now”, Nisha smirked, “Let’s fuck, I’m tired of talking” 

 

 

Nora woke up with Nisha to her left and Jax to her right, holding her close to him. She remembered what had happened and the feeling of content that came over her, was nothing like she’d felt before. Nisha was attractive and gorgeous in her own right, but having Jax back, was something she couldn’t describe with words. She leaned over Jax and grabbed a Jet inhaler, pushed and breathed deeply as she fell down onto her back again. Jax roused slightly and pressed her closer, his lips kissing her neck as he pressed his morning erection against her.   
“Gimme some of that”, he said quietly and Nora guided the inhaler to his lips, pushing the button down and letting him take a deep breath.   
Nora took a deep breath, seeing the whole world slow and float around her as Jax chuckled. Nisha stirred beside them and smirked as she looked at them both.   
“You don’t want any?” Nora asked and Nisha rose, shaking her head.   
“No, I’ll leave you to it. Stay as long as you wish, my dear ones”, she said as she wrapped herself in a blanket and left her house.   
Jax bit into Nora’s shoulder, his hand trailing down between her breasts, over her stomach and down between her thighs.   
Nora turned and lay on her back, meeting Jax’s dilated pupils with a smile. “Fuck, you’re gorgeous”, she said with a smile and Jax laughed slightly as he moved and lay above her. Nora trailed her hands over his arms, filled with scribbled tattoos and scars – whilst she looked up into his light beautiful eyes as he smirked dumbly down on her with his childish smirk and still white teeth.   
“Have you seen yourself?” he asked as he pressed his hard cock against her pussy, biting into the skin on her neck. “I want you”, he whispered against her skin, “I want a child”   
Nora fisted her hand into his wild dark hair and smiled, stroking the skin of his back, “Yes”, she breathed. “Fuck me”   
Jax groaned as he pushed inside her, making Nora moan as she took him all inside her, spreading herself for him.   
“You’re mine”, Jax hissed as he pushed in and out of her, taking her completely. Nora felt herself tightening around him and she hummed, kissing him deeply as they fucked. 

 

 

The Operators had joined Nate. Jax spat as he stood looking at the gathering of Gunners and raiders in front of them. With the Opertators switching sides, they were equals – which wasn’t at all a comforting sight as they stood prepared for battle. They’d called in as many raiders as they could from the Commonwealth settlements, but what did that do? Of course the Operators would be lead by their greed. 

Jax held a hand on his sharpened knives hanging from his waist. Just behind him, Nora stood watching as well, as the crowd beneath them shouted, raising their guns, knives and whatever it was they had to defend themselves. Nora thought it was so much like the wars from before modernism – before technology took over. This is how clans and people fought before. Now, they were back to it. They had guns, sure – but they still more or less relied on weapons such a knives and hatchets when it came to.   
Jax circled an arm around her waist and Nora gasped, watching as the first row of raiders attacked the Gunners and Operators. The Gunners used their laser rifles and disposed of most raiders, before they flew on them and hacked away with their primitive weapons. People from the second and third row shot at the Gunners, taking down more and more people. In the end, it evened the battle out. As it progressed, it was finally time for Jax and Nora to emerge and they both flew into the battle, swinging their knives as many of the other Disciples did. The Pack was gruesome, but they were effective – killing everything standing in their way. 

Nora, busy hacking and slicing anything close to her that wasn’t dressed in black or in a colorful mix of fur and cloth, finally looked up. Up on the gate, with a 50’ rifle in his hands, stood Nate – watching her with fascination and clenching his rifle in his hands. He looked completely mad, taken up by the violence happening beneath him as he watched – a smirk on his lips. As Nora watched him, he raised his rifle and aimed it at her. She felt her stomach drop and it was as if she could see him press the trigger – but the shot went just beside her and she whipped around, seeing a Operator falling to the ground from a thick caliber wound to his chest. She looked over her shoulder at Nate, who turned from her with a smirk on his lips. 

 

The Gunners and Operators withdrew after an hour of fighting and Nora found Jax unharmed. Dixie had been shot in her arm and Savoy hacked in his thigh, and they pulled them both inside the HQ to take care of them. It seemed their enemies had lost more people than they had – and just as Nora was beginning to take care of Savoy’s wound, the doors to the Disciples’ HQ was kicked open and Mason, the boss of the Pack stepped inside.   
“Where’s Nisha?” his voice boomed as he wiped blood and dirt from his battle worn face.   
Jax, who was taking care of another Disciple nodded upwards and Mason nodded back, beginning to ascent upstairs to Nisha. 

 

“Think he’s still loyal?” Nora asked, looking at Jax. Jax shrugged and kept binding the waist of the Disciple.   
“Mason’s not a moron”, Jax said through clenched teeth, “He’d never give in to anyone else. If he wanted to be Overboss, he’d challenge Colter. Not go through Nate”   
“So why are the Operators allying with him?” Nora smacked Savoy’s arm, having bound it up to administer some Med-Ex to him. “What do they want?”   
“Caps”, Savoy said, looking at Nora, “They’re only in this shit for caps” 

Nora nodded and let the needle pierce his skin, as she pressed the Med-Ex into his vain, Savoy leaned his head back with a groan. “Didn’t help Will much to fuck Colter, did it?” he said, grinning as he moaned an leaned back.   
“Huh?” Nora punched him slightly, “What did you say?”   
Jax moved over to them, sitting down on the cot beside his brother, looking at Nora and then back at Savoy. “Did William Black fuck Colter?”   
Savoy grinned, his eyes going back into his skull, “You didn’t know? Colter… He enjoys both, ya know”   
Jax shrugged, “So what?”   
“The Operators, tried to fuck their way to the Overboss. When Mags didn’t do it for Colter, they sent Will… Guess he did it for a while”, Savoy chuckled.   
“But Colter’s still with us”, Jax said, “So what who he fucked?”   
“They’ll go with who ever offers them the most caps”, Savoy spluttered, his hand reaching out and patting Nora’s cheek. “Keep that in mind. They’re whores for caps” 

Nora nodded and leaned down, kissing Savoy’s cheek, “I’ll keep that in mind when I kill ‘em”   
“Good girl”, Savoy grinned and then dozed off. 

 

Nora and Jax left the area where they kept the wounded and on their way to their little shed, she stopped and looked up towards Nisha’s quarters.   
“What do you think they’re doing?” she asked as Jax closed in behind her, circling his arm around her waist and leaning his head against her shoulder.   
“If I know Nisha, I’d say their either talking, fucking or both”, he said with a chuckle as he kissed her shoulder. “Now, you wanna get high?”   
“Fuck yes”, Nora said and pushed Jax into their shed. 

 

 

Wrapped in a cloak, Nora snuck into the Gunners’ camp. A guard stopped her as she headed toward the first building and she smiled softly at the man. He couldn’t have been older than herself, but he pointed his laser rifle against her and looked at her with harsh eyes.   
“I’ll shot you now if you don’t identify yourself”, he hissed and Nora bit into her lower lip, cocking her head.   
“I want to see Nate”, she said, “Take me to him, will you?”   
“Nate?” the guard looked at her with a frown. “Our commander?”   
“Mm”, Nora traced her hand over her chest, “My _husband_ ” 

The guard gripped her bicep and dragged her along, pulling her with him through the camp. Just as the raiders, they Gunners had several small fires lit and they resided in several houses previously occupied by raiders.   
Finally, they arrived to a red door and the guard knocked at it. Nora looked at him with a raised brow, and then another guard opened it.   
“This woman claims to be the wife of Nathan”, the guard said and Nora smiled invitingly. The other guard nodded, letting them in but then disappearing. 

 

Nate then appeared, bare chested with his pants undone and his hair slightly tousled. Nora knew exactly what he’d done before she arrived, as she noticed his skin shimmering slightly from sweating with a crimson blushing over his chest. The fact that he tore himself from it, confirmed her power and she smiled as she watched him. Nate raked his hand through his hair and gestured for Nora to sit down in a chair just opposite to him. Nate sat down, leaning back and then clasped his hands.   
“Nora”, he smirked.   
“Nathaniel”, she said, her face serious and unforgiving.   
“Why are you here?” he asked, “Isn’t it a bit sad believing you’ll be able to distract me? You’ll never beat me by luring me with your pussy”   
“Are you really that simple minded, Nate?” Nora smiled, cocking her head. “Oh, of course you are. You’re a man”   
“Do you think the same of your new lover?” Nate smirked, “This young… Boy. I don’t know his name”   
“Jax”, Nora smiled.   
“Jax…” Nate seemed to mull the name on his tongue. “Hm”   
Nora bit her lip as she watched Nate sitting opposite of her. He was gorgeous, as he always was, his crimson hair perfectly cut and his emerald eyes shining as he watched her intensely. Freckles spread over his broad shoulders and his chest was just lightly dusted with auburn hair as he reclined on his chair. 

“You retreaded”, Nora said with a smirk, “So, leave”   
“No”, Nate smirked back at her, “You know I can’t. You’re the mother of my children… My _wife_ ”, he hissed. “I can’t leave”   
“You’re obsessed”, Nora bit back, leaning forward as she glared at Nate. “It’s unhealthy. You’re forcing me to kill you”  
Nate laughed as he cocked his head, looking at her. A naked woman walked into to the room and Nora’s eyes rested on her for a moment, something Nate noticed, of course. He smirked and looked at the woman, then he looked back at Nora, who stared at him.   
“It still hurts you, doesn’t it?” Nate clasped his hands on his lap, nodding his head to the woman who was reaching behind an old counter for a beer.   
Nora laughed, shaking her head, “Of course you’d think that of me. But, you forget, dear husband – you cheated on me before the war, since the beginning. What you do, is no longer any business of mine”   
“Really?” Nate stroked his cheek, “Then why’re you here?” 

Nora stared at him, crossing her legs over each other and taking a deep breath. She then chuckled slightly as she shook her head.   
“I wanted to see you one last time before I killed you”, she said with a smile and stood. “Goodbye Nathan”  
Nate sneered as she walked towards the door. He thought for a moment to seize her, but then waved the guards away. It wouldn’t do anything to keep her. It wouldn’t make anything easier in the end. He would erase these drugged up assholes from the face of the earth, every last one of them – and they wouldn’t even see it coming when it happened. 

 

 

 

“Where’d you go?” Jax stretched out on the mattress and Nora pulled off her cloak before she lay down beside him, stroking his beautiful face.   
“I went to visit Nate”, she said quietly and Jax stiffened, wrapping his fingers around her wrists and pushing her down into the mattress. “Nothing happened”, she said Jax snarled, pushing himself back to lay on his back beside her.   
“Why?” he demanded with a sour voice.   
“I needed to see him one last time”  
“Hm”, Jax looked away from her.   
“Don’t be mad, you dick”, Nora slapped his shoulder and Jax turned away from her, “Oh, come on!” she sat up beside him, stroking his hair and leaning down to kiss his head, “I’m going to cut him open, pull his intestines out from his belly. But I was married to him, wasn’t I? I needed to see him one last time”   
“Did you fuck him?” Jax murmured and Nora smirked, leaning down to his ear, biting into his earlobe.   
“No”, she whispered, “But we’re gonna kill him”   
She could see Jax smiling slightly, before he turned and pulled her over him, holding her against him as he kissed her.   
“Yeah”


	24. Into the Darkness

_Sweeter than wine_   
_Softer than the summer night_   
_Everything I want, I have_   
_Whenever I hold you tight_   
_This magic moment_   
_While your lips are close to mine_   
_Will last forever_   
_Forever ‘till the end of time_

The Drifters – This Magic Moment

It was as if something pulled her there, a long since lost longing for what was known and familiar. A longing for a scent she just couldn’t seem to shake, no matter how she tried. A song, now old and forgotten played in her mind as she walked, her feet bare against the cold and unforgiving ground. But it felt as if she was floating, on cotton. All the green, brown and grey colors that the world was made of these days, were gone and she was once again in her old world, the world she still belonged to – but never would see again. Pastels of pink, baby blue and flowery yellow filled her senses as she looked around carefully, dimmed in the low light all around her and the atomic, abstract shapes and letters giving her an almost nostalgic comfort.  
Instead of ripped old jeans and a long wrapped cloth around her chest, she wore a powder blue satin dress, pinching her ways and broadening out around her hips from the fluffy petticoat underneath. Her now long hair was curled and pinned up into a decadent style that usually took hours to perfect at the beauty shop. She looked down on her wrists and saw silver bracelets with small white flowers, decked with diamonds, and on her fingers, she wore matching rings along with her wedding ring. She could feel the uncomfortable but still comforting clenching of her underwear under her dress, creating the perfect and sought after shape everyone tried so very hard to achieve – but no one cared about anymore.

Around her, there were a thousand small light bulbs, gleaming like stars in the sky, inside the darkened ballroom. She could hear talk, laughter and shouts of joy as she walked slowly, the air filled with cigarette smoke and what felt like a million perfumes mixing. She knew her destination. He stood there, on the other side of the room – waiting for her. Patient and with a tenderness in his eyes she’d never seen before, and never seen in anyone else.   
He smiled and she took his hand, pushing herself up on her tiptoes as she leaned her forehead against his smiling, full lips. His eyes gleaming as he buried his hands in her hair.   
“We’re forever tied by our memories”  
“I know”, she looked into his eyes before she looked back over her shoulder, something else pulling her towards the exit. “Will you release me?”  
“Never. My heart’s too old”, he touched her cheek, his long, slim fingers cool and soft. “It’s in the sea”   
“You need to stop haunting my dreams”   
“I can’t”, he frowned, looking over her shoulder to the exit, pulling at her. “You were once with me here, Leonora”   
“Yes”, she turned back to him, “But I can’t stay” 

His hands gripped her throat, throttling her hard as she stared up at him – his eyes shining with anger and a snarl on his lips. She tried to scream, but as she looked around herself in panic, everyone around them laughed, standing in a circle surrounding them. They held up their champagne glasses to cheer as they laughed and toasted. Her head began to spin and she looked back to his eyes, his hands pressing harder and harder.   
“Into the darkness”, he hissed, spit landing on her skin as he leaned close to her, letting his lips just barely touch hers as his hands wrenched around her throat. “Into the sea” 

 

 

Nora woke with a shout, Jax cracked an eye open and looked at her, touching her arm with a soothing hand. Nora shook her head as she moved closer to him on the bed, burying her face against his soft, scarred skin as she tried to force herself to calm down slightly. He didn’t ask her any question. He never really had, still. The silent agreement between the two of them still very much in place, they only shared what they wanted and nothing else was forced. He understood her pain and she understood his, whitout even speaking a single word to each other. 

An hour later, Nora had gotten up and she’d been able to force Jax out of the bed as well. It was time and it didn’t matter how much her hands shook as she pulled on her clothes, they needed to do this. Not just for her sake, but for all of their sakes. Should Nate win, she might still live – she had no idea what he’d do in the end, or what that horrible dream had meant for her. But she knew everyone else that she cared about, would die. Perhaps he’d even killed Shaun. Nora tried not to think too much on her son – or, as it were, the man who had once been her son. 

“Have you ever met your fate?” Nora asked as she wrapped her bust in the cloth. Jax looked at her from the corner of his eye for a moment, before he looked away.   
“I don’t know”, he said as he sharpened his knife, sitting on their mattresses. His hair was wild, curls falling down over his beautiful face as he sat with his legs spread broadly.   
“I don’t know if any of our lives are predestined”, Nora said, looking over her clothing as she wrapped her hair up in a knot, “But I’ve always hoped, Nate wasn’t my end”   
“Of course he’s not” Jax stood and sheathed the knives around his hips.   
“Sometimes, I’m not sure”, Nora turned to him and watched him. “I did all I could for Nate, but it was never enough. None of us are supposed to go through life without anything we do being enough” 

Jax smirked and looked at her, “That’s naïve, but sweet, somehow”   
“No”, Nora walked up to him and grabbed his shoulders, “It’s not naïve, Jax. It’s the truth” 

Jax smiled as he leaned down and kissed Nora softly, then he looked her over – making sure she was as prepared as she could before they left.   
“When this is over, I want an orchard”, Nora said and Jax couldn’t help but to burst out laughing.   
“An orchard?” he stroked her hair, “Sure, I’ll plant mutfruit until you say it’s enough, sweetheart”   
Nora laughed and kissed him, before she stroked her hands down his chest. “Good”, she smiled, “I’ll love it” 

 

If she wanted an orchard, he’d fucking give her one. He didn’t care what it would take, but he’d do anything for that woman. But first, before they could do anything else, before they could go on with their lives and do whatever the fuck they wanted – they needed to be rid of Nate. Jax had known it would be a problem from the start, he’d known Nate was an asshole. But the level of asshole that he was, well, it was hard to imagine – even in this goddamned world.   
But he trusted Nora and she’d come a long way since being with Nate. When he’d found her in that bus, after Fat Vic had bought her, she’d been nothing but a broken piece of what she could be. And as he looked at her now, he saw her as she should be. Standing tall and proud, a woman – beautiful, but so dangerous.   
If he’d learned one thing from growing up with his mother and sisters, it was that women were dangerous. Savoy and him, they were nothing compared to the rage of a cornered woman. When their father left them, it seemed as if Savoy and him had to take the reigns, he’d thought it at first. But he’d been so wrong and he hadn’t even realized it. His mother and sisters, they were the real men amongst them. And even though he had left, along with Savoy, Jax wouldn’t ever forget how they fought – his mother and sisters. He still loved them, but hated their mother all the same. 

 

“It’s time”, Nora said and Jax looked at her, clasping his hands around her face and pulling her to him.   
“Don’t die”, he whispered and Nora smiled against his lips, kissing him softly.   
“I wont, and neither will you”, she said. “See you in hell, my love”   
“They’re gonna burn”, Jax said and winked, before he walked out. Nora followed him with one of her hands resting on the hilt of her sharpened knife.

Into the darkness, farther my heart slips. Into the darkness, into the sea


	25. Understand Your Man

He could hear her weeping from where he stood, watching her in silence as she crouched down over the man. She must love him, he knew she probably did and even though it hurt something inside him, and he did all he could to push the feeling away – the scene before him made him feel _something_. Was it remorse? No. He couldn’t feel remorse, wasn’t sure he’d ever been able to.  
A deep scream sounded from her shaking body and he watched her place desperate kisses on his face, pushing his greasy hair from his forehead with trembling hands as she pleaded for him to wake up, to be alive, to not leave her. 

He walked up to her, his booted steps sure and heavy in the misty air surrounding them from gunshots and filth. Drying blood cracked on his cargo pants and he stepped over broken, shattered bones of flesh, strewn all over what had once been a place of fun – of self-indulgent and carefree vacations.  
Touching her shoulder, he saw her stiffen under him. The boy lay splayed out, his pale skin scribbled with tattoos sooty and broken, crimson blood spilling out beneath him. A cracked skull, a hole from a shotgun in his chest.  
“No, no, no, no”, she pleaded and Nate grabbed the garment around her chest, pulling her up on her feet. At first she refused to release the boy, clinging to him as if it would save him, make him wake up again. But she eventually released, her broken cries sounding like gravel in her throat.  
She hung from his grip, her legs not holding completely. It was obvious to him, this wasn’t how she’d wanted things to play out. Of course it wasn’t. He wasn’t even sure it was how he’d wanted it to play out. He didn’t know he actually wanted her alive or dead, in the end. For once, he couldn’t make his mind up.  
She was broken, and it was obvious to him as he dragged her with him. She tried to fight him, feebly, scratching him with her nails and banging at his chest as she continued weeping hysterically. 

It had been a fair fight. The Gunners were decimated, to say the least – but the raiders, the few still alive had been caught and rounded up – put in cages like the animals they were. They had been able to catch the overboss, Colter, alive. Nate planned on having him beheaded the next morning in front of the few still surviving raiders. If only to show they meant business. Of course, this slaughter, if anything – showed they meant business. It had successfully made the Gunners one of the most powerful factions in the Commonwealth, if not the Wasteland. 

 

Dragging Nora with him, he spat at the ground. Spit mixed with blood and something black, as if his whole insides were nothing but black. He’d done so many fucked up and horrible things, it wouldn’t surprise him. And still, he felt nothing about it. If anything, he felt calm – a soothing calm.

*

“Get off me, you bastard!” Nora screamed as Nate pushed her into a lone cage inside his quarters. She tried to punch him, slap him and kick him. But he was too fast, always too fast and too strong for her. He only looked at her, taking a few steps back after the gate had clicked closed between them. Nora sagged to the ground, a long wail mixed with a moan falling from her lips. She raked her hands through her hair as she sobbed and she could feel Nate’s cold eyes on her. “You fucking bastard”, she seethed, heaving and leaning on her hands, trying to still her breathing. “You motherfucking bastard, I’ll fucking kill you. I’ll fucking kill you - somehow”

“You did this to yourself, Nora”, Nate’s dark voice sounded and she looked up at him, a snarl on her face. He looked like stone, tall and sturdy, his arms crossed over his chest and his jaw tight. There was no mercy there, and Nora wished he would have just killed her too – killed her along with Jax. She didn’t want to live this life, didn’t want a life without Jax in it, especially when Nate was still standing. But of course he did. Jax had thought her a liar when she told him Nate couldn’t be killed.  
_All men can be killed_ , oh he should have known. They should have run further. Nuka World wasn’t enough, they should have gone west, further west. There were people out west, neither Nora nor Jax knew what kind of people. They’d only heard rumors, but what did that matter? Out west, perhaps Nate wouldn’t have been able to get to them? To _her_. 

_You did this to yourself_. I know, she thought. I know. And I did this to Jax. Tears fell from her cheeks again, warm and heavy, streaking her grimy cheeks and leaving traces as she curled into a small ball on the floor, ignoring the psychopath watching her from the other side of the iron bars.  
“The sooner you realize that, the sooner it will all be better”, Nate said with a sigh as he raked his hand through his auburn hair. “We’ll be a family again, Nora”, he crouched down, closer to her level and his emerald eyes looked into hers. “I’ll even forgive you for everything you’ve done to me. Everything you’ve put me through. Hah, don’t give me that look, you think you’re the only one suffering?”  
“Fuck you”, she hissed and Nate smirked slightly, before scowling and his gaze turned even darker than before. He looked tired, but frightfully determined.  
“Uh-huh”, he clasped his hands, cocking his head. “Anyway, you’ll realize soon enough what’s best for you. You see, Shaun – our _son_ , left the Institute to me. Combined with the forces of the Gunners”, Nate smirked, chuckling slightly, “I’m unbeatable” 

Nora’s stomach sank and she felt her eyes widen as she stared up at the monster before her. What choice did she have? Starving herself to death?  
Suicide was the only option. Suicide or just shutting everything off. She knew he’d win in the end. Nate always did. He _always_ won. And now, he’d become the most powerful man she could think of. How could she even begin to think something else would happen? There was nothing else she could do, no one else that could help her. Now, she was alone – all alone in this world. It wasn’t enough that Jax was dead, so was everyone else. The only two damned people she could think of left in this shithole that the world had become, were Nate and she. Like Adam and Eve with a cruel God who didn’t give a shit about suffering and pain. He pretended to give, to be generous, dangling true love before your eyes like some sadistic swine, but took away those things most important to you just when they’re within your grasp.  
“Now, baby girl”, Nate rose and cracked his fingers, giving Nora a crooked smile as he sighed, “I’m tired of your bad mouthing, and you’ll sit there until you remember some manners. That fucking cesspool of raiders screwed with your head. Ain’t gonna accept that. Meditate on that, huh? It’ll make things much easier for the both of us, and our future children” 

 

Nora didn’t say a word and kept the grimace inside her that forced its way onto her from the shrill shill that came upon her. She didn’t say a word for days on end. She sat in her cage, watching Nate in silence as he came and went, did his business, slept and ate. He gave her food, but she refused to touch it. He noticed, of course – and after two days of refusing food, he had some brutes force her down on the floor, tied her up and force-fed her until she puked. Then they hooked her up to an IV, binding her up completely so she couldn’t even move a finger. Nora closed it all out, keeping her silent protest – if only for herself.  
Everything hurt, all of it. Physically and mentally. The pictures in her mind hurt the most, pictures of Jax smiling and laughing – goofing around and just doing the usual stupid shit he did. Pictures, fantasies and dreams of what could have been flashed through her mind and it felt like she had a hole in her soul. She’d lost so much already. Perhaps one could truly die of a broken heart? It felt as if she was, of her own accord or whatever. What did she care? Even if she had a pulse, she might as well be dead already. Nate would keep her alive, he’d never let her have what she wanted, never allow her that kind of freedom.  
Death, or just shutting down completely. What options did she have? Death seemed to taste sweet, sweet as honey. But she’d forgotten the taste of honey a long time ago. _Real_ honey, not the horrid crap that those mutated bugs produced. 

 

After what must have been a week, or perhaps more, people entered Nate’s quarters and began packing things up. Nora still lay like a bad smelling lump of unmovable flesh in her cage. She didn’t care. Didn’t care that she smelled, that her hair looked like a bird’s nest or that she’d lost too much weight to be healthy. She might as well have been lobotomized, because when they dragged her out, she was too weak to resist. Too weak to do anything, really. Skin and bones, it felt like as she hung from the shoulder of a robust Gunner.  
Nausea came over her and she began to retch. The Gunner looked at her with caution before hauling her off of his shoulder a second before she puked her guts out. 

“I think she’s sick, man”, the Gunner said to his friend who stood a few feet away, holding a box full of Nate’s stuff. “She smells fucking horrible”  
“Fuck, look at her”, the other man huffed, “Don’t let that bitch bite ya” 

 

They took her to the Institute, Nate handed her over to the doctors without another word, and she spent so long in a hospital bed, she lost track of time completely.  
They drugged her, preformed surgeries on her. At one point, she didn’t know how much time had passed, but she woke up, dozy and with a horrible taste in her mouth. She felt lighter, somehow – strangely lighter. Two institute scientists stood at the heel of her bed, quietly discussing something. They obviously didn’t know she was awake and could hear them.  
“…Should we tell him?”  
“He’ll find out anyhow”  
“But… How? How’s it possible?”  
“It’s not his” 

Nora’s breath caught in her throat and the scientists turned to look at her. One of them, a woman with dark hair cleared her throat with a scowl and walked over to her, watching the apparatus beside her.  
“I see”, she said with a frown, beginning to press a few buttons, “There, she’ll be asleep in a minute or two again” and Nora tried to protest, but the woman put her hand over her mouth, looking away from her. Nora tried to bite her palm, but felt too sluggish to do anything, and eventually she fell asleep again. Taken over by dreams and nightmare’s alike in that never endless white of unconsciousness. 

 

 

 

 

 **One year later**

“Texas?” Nora looked at Nate with an expressionless face. It was her way to survive, shut out everything she felt, ignoring those things too painful for her to think about, all the sorrows in her life. The loss of children, of loved ones, _Jax_. She thought about Jax every day still, kept him close to her memory, knowing someday – some bright day when she’d figured out a way to escape Nate along with her son - _Jax’s_ son, that she needed to tell him about his dad. His _real_ dad. At the moment, thankfully, Felix was too young to actually know who was his real daddy and who wasn’t. But time was running out, and Nora still hadn’t a clue as to escape Nate’s tightly knit captivity.  
He’d built an empire for himself, using brute force and strict hierarchy. The Commonwealth had become a new state, governed by something close to martial law with Nate as its self-proclaimed ruler. All raiders, mutants and other loiterers had been wiped out, forced out and was kept at bay by harshly guarded boarders to the north, west and south. She resided in the former CIT ruins, now turned into a palace both above and underneath ground. If Nate was emperor, it didn’t make her empress – no. Nate didn’t trust her. But he claimed they were a family, the two of them and their child. A child he knew very well wasn’t his, even if the boy seemed to take after Nora mostly, with his dark eyes and thatch of dark hair. Jax’s eyes had been light and his hair dark – Nate’s emerald eyes and auburn hair would be completely chewed up by Nora’s darker complexion.  
Nate had taken on Felix as if he was his own, in either case, ignoring or just not caring that he was Jax’s. 

“Yes, Texas”, Nate said, raising an eyebrow and looking up from his newspaper at Nora. “In two weeks time. Perhaps you should consider eating a bit less, you should look presentable, not like some lazy housewife”  
Nora scowled and looked away from Nate. The pregnancy had made her larger, that along with the fact that Nate had kept on force feeding her all through it, too scared to loose the child. A child was a precious thing in this world and Felix was precious to Nora, and so she ate. The news of a pregnancy had given her hope. She’d known it was Jax’s and so Felix, even before he was really a person, had become the one thing she lived for. Another son. Another son to survive for. This time, she’d do it right.  
“I’m still nursing”, she said, poking at the pack of smokes beside her hand on the small side-table.  
“Of course”, Nate seemed to twitch slightly, “Still, I’ll have your intake regulated again” 

Nora didn’t answer, instead she looked away from Nate and sighed, looking out the large window to her left. The dead trees outside waved slightly in the wind. “What’s in Texas?”  
“Business, nothing you need to concern yourself with”, Nate sighed and blew out smoke from his nostrils. “Politics”  
“We’re meeting with the federation?” she asked and Nate frowned.  
“In a way”, he folded the newspaper and putting it down, pinching his cigarette between his fingers. “All the large states are collectively gathering in Texas for a meeting where the new boarders are decided. There’ll be people from all over the former US and as my wife, you are to accompany me”  
“What about Felix?” she held her breath, “He still needs me”  
Nate shrugged and bit his lip for a moment, before taking a deep draw from his cigarette, “He’s a liability, but he’s my son. He’s coming with” 

 

A light in the darkness, Nora thought. There, there was a chance of escaping. A small, little, but very real chance of running away for good. If she could only cross the border from Texas to either New Mexico, Oklahoma, Arkansas or Louisiana, she’d be good. She new that New Mexico belonged to a large empire – Nate had talked about it and even further out west, was a smaller state – the former state of California, governed by what was the closest thing to what the US had been before the war. The NCR, or something like that – Nate said. He said they were hypocrites from what he’d heard. But west sounded good, west, sounded better than anything. The large empire between Texas and NCR, she knew nothing about, but how bad could it be?  
It couldn’t possibly be worse than here. 

“Alright”, Nora said, keeping her face neutral as always. On the inside, she smiled. Stars and stripes forever, fucker, she thought as she stood and walked out of the large library.

END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, darlings. You've all been so patient with me and I love you all <3  
> The support, love and cheers I've gotten from this fic has been beyond what I could have imagined. 
> 
>  
> 
> The story's not over yet, so hold on tight as we move on out west. For those of you who's read my other stories, you may begin to realize we're moving onto known territory and you'll understand soon enough. 
> 
> See you soon, in a desert close to you!


End file.
